Has it really been since the end of August that I last wrote? Wow...and oops! Things got pretty busy with my classes and football and other stuff, so forgive my absence. Let's update!
Mom: She had surgery on September 17, at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis to remove her lower right lobe of her lung. Thank goodness the cancer was completely contained there, so Dr. Patterson was able to just remove that part, and off we go. There was worry that her lymph nodes might have been involved, but the pathology report showed that they were clear. We were so very, very lucky. She is doing well now and still recovering and getting stronger.
As for me and my surgery, I hit a little bump in the road and we're going to push surgery back until March. It was disappointing, but also a relief. Trying to get the last few things done in time was really getting stressful. I was also worried about potential winter storms that may cause us problems. Mike was worried about being able to get time off work to be with me while I was in the hospital. My work wasn't working out to be quite as smooth for me to be gone at that time either. It seemed like the universe was trying to tell me something. So I listened.
It has to wait until March because I cannot be gone from work during January or February, otherwise I might be able to have it done sooner. I had a great talk with my nutritionist about it today, and she was a great sounding board in helping me to decide. She feels like there are a couple of things I still need to work on with my nutrition to be sure I can rock it after surgery. She was willing to try to squeeze me in and work on this stuff ASAP, but now we don't have to. Sadly, she will no longer be seeing patients after December 1, so I'll have a new nutritionist when I go back in December. I will miss Micca like crazy because I loved working with her!
In other news, I've finished my two grad classes for this semester and am free until January. I'm now (hopefully) just 1 year away from being finished with my master's degree. Once I finish this, I think I want to take some classes in the dietetics area. I'd like to learn more about nutrition just for fun. I'm weird like that. Mike isn't thrilled with that idea, but what else will I do with my free time? What do you all do if you don't have homework?? I'm still getting used to that feeling. Once I do, it will be time for classes to start again.
Dearest reader, I apologize for leaving you for so long. I'll try not to do that again. If you have some suggestions for things you'd like me to write about, please leave a comment and let me know.
Until next time...
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Surgery update and stuff
I haven't had much to write about lately, so forgive my lack of updates. I've been in a holding pattern and that's pretty boring to write about. I do have some exciting news to share, though, finally! I saw the nutritionist and medical person on Tuesday of this week and they were both very pleased with what I've been doing. If everything remains on course, then on my next visit in late September, they will start the process to submit the paperwork to my insurance to (hopefully) get me approved! We are looking at December 15 as my surgery date. They said it could be done sooner if I wanted, but that is the date that works best for me for taking off work and for Mike to take off work to be with me. So we're shooting for December 15! It's starting to become real!
In other news, I haven't really talked about my mom and her health on here. I've shared a lot on Facebook, though, and most of you probably follow me on there. For those that don't, for some reason, she was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. The type of cancer is adenocarcinoma. We received word yesterday that the PET scan showed the cancer is contained, so it has not spread anywhere else, which is very good news as far as treatment goes. She will see an oncologist on Tuesday to find out exactly what they want to do and we'll go from there.
It has been a very, very scary, stressful month. When she told us that it was confirmed in the biopsy that it was cancer, I was devastated. I spent two days crying, off an on. I considered cancelling my own surgery process because I wasn't sure what we were going to be facing and what we should expect. I'm glad I didn't make any rash decisions.
Cancer is something that has always happened to other people for me. I've known people who have fought cancer and won, and I've known people who have lost the battle. I know people who are currently fighting and the outcome is unsure. I've never had anyone close to me go through this. I still don't know what to expect from her treatments. I am cautiously optimistic, but am still terrified the rug is going to be snatched out from under my feet if I get too excited and happy. So I will remain reserved until I am completely confident that she's going to really be ok.
My thoughts on cancer...
Cancer is like the worst roller coaster ride in the world. And there's no way to get off. It's not a ride you asked to be on, either. You are scared of what's around each corner, what the next drop will be, and what will be on the other side of that dark tunnel. You can't close your eyes and escape it, because there's always a reminder. And every time you turn around, you find another person is on the ride with you...another family member, another friend, a person in the community, etc.
If you get lucky and get to get off the roller coaster from hell, you look back and see that there are still others that you care about who are stuck on the ride. You are powerless to rescue them or even help them get off the demon ride. It hurts your heart so bad because you want to be happy that you escaped, but you can only watch helplessly as the other trapped riders speed into their next valley of despair. All you can do is let them know you care, which doesn't feel like it's enough.
Cancer sucks. I hate cancer.
In other news, I haven't really talked about my mom and her health on here. I've shared a lot on Facebook, though, and most of you probably follow me on there. For those that don't, for some reason, she was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. The type of cancer is adenocarcinoma. We received word yesterday that the PET scan showed the cancer is contained, so it has not spread anywhere else, which is very good news as far as treatment goes. She will see an oncologist on Tuesday to find out exactly what they want to do and we'll go from there.
It has been a very, very scary, stressful month. When she told us that it was confirmed in the biopsy that it was cancer, I was devastated. I spent two days crying, off an on. I considered cancelling my own surgery process because I wasn't sure what we were going to be facing and what we should expect. I'm glad I didn't make any rash decisions.
Cancer is something that has always happened to other people for me. I've known people who have fought cancer and won, and I've known people who have lost the battle. I know people who are currently fighting and the outcome is unsure. I've never had anyone close to me go through this. I still don't know what to expect from her treatments. I am cautiously optimistic, but am still terrified the rug is going to be snatched out from under my feet if I get too excited and happy. So I will remain reserved until I am completely confident that she's going to really be ok.
My thoughts on cancer...
Cancer is like the worst roller coaster ride in the world. And there's no way to get off. It's not a ride you asked to be on, either. You are scared of what's around each corner, what the next drop will be, and what will be on the other side of that dark tunnel. You can't close your eyes and escape it, because there's always a reminder. And every time you turn around, you find another person is on the ride with you...another family member, another friend, a person in the community, etc.
If you get lucky and get to get off the roller coaster from hell, you look back and see that there are still others that you care about who are stuck on the ride. You are powerless to rescue them or even help them get off the demon ride. It hurts your heart so bad because you want to be happy that you escaped, but you can only watch helplessly as the other trapped riders speed into their next valley of despair. All you can do is let them know you care, which doesn't feel like it's enough.
Cancer sucks. I hate cancer.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Progress!
I have now attended my mandatory nutrition classes and met with the nutritionist. I learned quite a bit at the nutrition classes, and there was a lot I already knew. I've tried to make the changes suggested and some are going well, and some I'm still struggling with. They want us to fill half the plate with non-starchy veggies, 1/4 of the plate with protein, and the other 1/4 with whole grains or starches. I'm not a big veggie fan. I've been eating a LOT of salads.
The nutritionist and I talked about my BMI and she is working with me to keep me at the 40 limit. I've gained enough now that I shouldn't have any problems staying in the 40s until October (my 6 month time limit). I will see her every month until surgery, I believe.
Today I met with the medical person again. Apparently the last time I was supposed to get orders for a whole slew of tests...but somehow they were not given to me nor were they discussed. So now I have those orders and will need to get those done soon. I will see her again in a month.
I also met with the physical therapy lady to talk about exercise. She's quite pleased with where I am on that, so she said she could clear me for surgery right now. I don't need to see her until after surgery. She wants me to keep doing what I'm doing until I start the pre-surgery liquid diet. At that point I will need to back way off because I won't be taking in enough calories to sustain that kind of activity. She said I should be back at the level I'm at within about 3-6 months after surgery.
I've also finished my grad class on Image Design and got an A. It was pretty tough and stressful, but I made it! I'm now just a smidge over half-way through my master's degree. It's going quite fast, which is awesome!
Until next time...
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Oops...where did I go?
I can't believe it's almost been a month since I last posted! Lots of stuff to catch up on, so put your feet up, grab a nice cup of water, and lets chat!
First, we adopted another dog on June 29. Her name is Piper and she's a little Chihuahua. She's a little over a year old and has settled into our lives very nicely. Her and Duke have a great time playing and resting together. He is not jealous in the least, which is awesome. Piper came to us from my cousin in Springfield. She was finding that she wasn't really home enough to give Princess Piper the attention she needed, so she posted a request on Facebook to find a new family for Piper. After about a week and a half, I finally convinced Mike that the family should be OURS! He's very happy with that decision because it's really been a great transition. As a matter of fact, as I type this, I have Piper snuggled up on the left side of my lap and Duke is on the right. Puppy bookends!
My 4-week grad class started on June 30. I've been dreading this because it's 16 weeks of instruction packed into 4 weeks. Luckily, the professor sent out the syllabus early so we could start doing some of the work. So far I'm doing pretty good at keeping up, but it is tough. I'll be glad when it's over because it puts me that much closer to my master's degree!
In preparation for bariatric surgery, I stopped drinking soda on July 1. I've had a few moments where I missed it, but for the most part it's been an ok transition. I started drinking iced tea sweetened with Stevia. Now I'm working on cutting out the caffeine. I use 3 caffeinated tea bags and 2 non-caff right now. Soon I'll switch that up to 3 non-caff + 2 caff, and slowly ease out the caff. It's a good way to wean off caffeine without the horrible headaches.
I've also learned that surgery may not happen for me. I'm one of those that may slip through the cracks right now. First, you have to understand the requirements for bariatric surgery - these are nation-wide, so most bariatric centers/insurances follow these guidelines. You must either have A) a BMI of 40 or more; or B) a BMI of 35-39 with TWO co-morbidities. Co-morbidities are things such as sleep apnea, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Diseases/problems brought on by weight, in other words.
My problem is that I have NO co-morbidities. My blood pressure is fine. No signs of diabetes or even pre-diabetes. I do not have sleep apnea or any other issues brought on by weight. I'm the healthiest overweight person you'll ever meet. My BMI is BARELY 40.
I talked to the insurance lady at Memorial and I have to have proof (medical) of a BMI of 40+ for six months or I will be denied surgery. I don't have that from before because I had lost quite a bit of weight up until last August and then I started slowly gaining. Out of frustration, I applied for surgery. So I pretty much cannot lose anything for six months. I have to maintain this weight. If I fall below the 40 BMI, I'm done. And if I fall below, chances are good that it won't go too much further. I've fought this for too long.
I'm not sure what to do. On Monday I will return to Springfield and will take part in two of the mandatory classes, and I will see the nutritionist. I'm going to discuss this with her and see what she says. If I could lose it on my own, I'd do it. But my body has proven for too long that it won't happen. Which is why I feel like I'm going to fall through the cracks. It's very frustrating. For once, I wish I was fatter and sick. Then it wouldn't even be a problem. I can't be the only person like this that they've dealt with. I'm hoping to get some answers and guidance on Monday.
The puppies are starting to wake and they want to play, so that's my cue to wrap it up! Hope you all have a great, safe week!
First, we adopted another dog on June 29. Her name is Piper and she's a little Chihuahua. She's a little over a year old and has settled into our lives very nicely. Her and Duke have a great time playing and resting together. He is not jealous in the least, which is awesome. Piper came to us from my cousin in Springfield. She was finding that she wasn't really home enough to give Princess Piper the attention she needed, so she posted a request on Facebook to find a new family for Piper. After about a week and a half, I finally convinced Mike that the family should be OURS! He's very happy with that decision because it's really been a great transition. As a matter of fact, as I type this, I have Piper snuggled up on the left side of my lap and Duke is on the right. Puppy bookends!
My 4-week grad class started on June 30. I've been dreading this because it's 16 weeks of instruction packed into 4 weeks. Luckily, the professor sent out the syllabus early so we could start doing some of the work. So far I'm doing pretty good at keeping up, but it is tough. I'll be glad when it's over because it puts me that much closer to my master's degree!
In preparation for bariatric surgery, I stopped drinking soda on July 1. I've had a few moments where I missed it, but for the most part it's been an ok transition. I started drinking iced tea sweetened with Stevia. Now I'm working on cutting out the caffeine. I use 3 caffeinated tea bags and 2 non-caff right now. Soon I'll switch that up to 3 non-caff + 2 caff, and slowly ease out the caff. It's a good way to wean off caffeine without the horrible headaches.
I've also learned that surgery may not happen for me. I'm one of those that may slip through the cracks right now. First, you have to understand the requirements for bariatric surgery - these are nation-wide, so most bariatric centers/insurances follow these guidelines. You must either have A) a BMI of 40 or more; or B) a BMI of 35-39 with TWO co-morbidities. Co-morbidities are things such as sleep apnea, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Diseases/problems brought on by weight, in other words.
My problem is that I have NO co-morbidities. My blood pressure is fine. No signs of diabetes or even pre-diabetes. I do not have sleep apnea or any other issues brought on by weight. I'm the healthiest overweight person you'll ever meet. My BMI is BARELY 40.
I talked to the insurance lady at Memorial and I have to have proof (medical) of a BMI of 40+ for six months or I will be denied surgery. I don't have that from before because I had lost quite a bit of weight up until last August and then I started slowly gaining. Out of frustration, I applied for surgery. So I pretty much cannot lose anything for six months. I have to maintain this weight. If I fall below the 40 BMI, I'm done. And if I fall below, chances are good that it won't go too much further. I've fought this for too long.
I'm not sure what to do. On Monday I will return to Springfield and will take part in two of the mandatory classes, and I will see the nutritionist. I'm going to discuss this with her and see what she says. If I could lose it on my own, I'd do it. But my body has proven for too long that it won't happen. Which is why I feel like I'm going to fall through the cracks. It's very frustrating. For once, I wish I was fatter and sick. Then it wouldn't even be a problem. I can't be the only person like this that they've dealt with. I'm hoping to get some answers and guidance on Monday.
The puppies are starting to wake and they want to play, so that's my cue to wrap it up! Hope you all have a great, safe week!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
It's Starting to Happen!
This has been a pretty exciting week for me! On Tuesday, I got a call from my endocrinologist's office to let me know the lab work I had done on Friday was good and to continue on my current dosage of meds. My primary care doctor's office called a little later to let me know that they had faxed the referral to the Weight Loss Clinic at Memorial. WOO!
I made myself wait until Tuesday afternoon to call the WLC about seeing when I could schedule my initial consultations. The girl that answers the phone, Marissa, was an absolute angel and sorted through the faxes they had received to find mine, added it to my file, checked everything for completeness, and then scheduled me. She did not have to do that, but she did it anyway. Working in admissions for as long as I have, I know what it's like when someone calls who submitted their paperwork 35 seconds prior and then wants to know their status. So I became THAT annoying person. Sorry, Marissa! But she got me scheduled for my initial consultation and that appointment was YESTERDAY! I couldn't believe I got in that quickly.
Yesterday was like Christmas to me. I was so excited and nervous and was unsure of what to expect. I was so scared someone was going to say, "Uh, you don't meet X qualification, so you're done now. Go away!" No one said that though.
First I met with the physician's assistant. He examined me and we talked about my medical history. It's a pretty short history and can be summed up in one sentence: I've had two kids, have hypothyroidism, gallbladder came out in 2001, and torn meniscus surgery in 2013. Annnnnnnd, we're done. We also discussed which of the 3 surgeries I should have. I did not want lap-band, as I felt it was not appropriate for me. He agreed. It then came down to Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (aka VSG or "sleeve") or the Roux-en-Y (RNY or bypass) surgery. I went into the appointment with leanings toward the sleeve surgery, but I also saw benefits to the RNY. We ended up deciding together that RNY is the best bet for me. And I'm ok with that, because deep down, that was my choice from the start. They are also considerably more experienced in performing the RNY surgery, which makes me feel good with my decision. I have no doubts that the team would do an excellent job with the sleeve, too, but I like that they are more experienced with RNY.
He assured me that they will check everything over very carefully in the OR to ensure there are no leaks or problems. The complication rate is less than 5%. There will be two surgeons performing the surgery, along with their team of nurses. This is standard procedure for this clinic, and I like that. It's good to have two sets of eyes in case one picks up what the other may miss. We are all human and mistakes can happen, but with two experts dong the job, the chance of anything being missed is almost zero.
I then met with the social worker so she could assess my mental preparedness and, I'm sure, to make sure I knew what I was getting into. She asked me to explain what happens in the RNY surgery and I believe I told her way more than she was expecting. What can I say? I'm the Queen of Research and I know my stuff. I've watched countless YouTube videos on the procedure and read numerous articles. I know what to expect after surgery, too. I am fully cognizant of the changes that I will need to make in my life to prepare for my new life. I am ready to make those changes. I feel like I have a pretty good support system, too. We talked about all of that and she pronounced me ready and capable of handling this. I do not have to see her again.
I asked both of them if it was possible to do the surgery in December. They both felt it was able to be done. Doing it in December would allow me extra time for recovery because the University is closed from December 24 to January 1. It's also a slower time in our office. So that is what we are shooting for!
Next up, I will meet with my primary care doctor once a month for six months, starting June 25. She will monitor my weight loss efforts and the changes I am making to prepare for life after surgery. I was not told that I had to lose any percentage or amount of weight prior to surgery, so I'm just going to keep working hard and eating right. In July I go back to Springfield for my first two classes and to meet with the nutritionist, physical therapist (for fitness discussions), and the medical people. In August I will attend a support group meeting to see what it's about (the July meeting is going to be a clothing exchange (COOL) so it won't do me any good).
I have no doubts the rest of this year is going to drag by and fly by. The hardest change I will face will be giving up carbonated beverages. I love my Diet Mt Dew, but I'm in love with the idea of living life at a healthy weight even more. I've already started preparing for that by getting used to drinking iced tea. I didn't like unsweetened tea, so I learned I could use Stevia. I tried it and liked it really well. I am going to double-check with the WLC people to be sure I can use Stevia post-surgery, but from what I read I should be able to. I want their final approval, though, because they are the experts. Of course, during my appointments, I could think of only a few questions. Afterward, I thought of 800 questions. I'm going to email them later today with my list of questions. They are very good at responding, which is awesome.
The part that excites me the most is that the physician's assistant said I should be at or very near to my goal within a year. That means when I walk across the stage to graduate with my master's degree in December 2015, I will be doing so at a healthy weight! I love that idea!
I made myself wait until Tuesday afternoon to call the WLC about seeing when I could schedule my initial consultations. The girl that answers the phone, Marissa, was an absolute angel and sorted through the faxes they had received to find mine, added it to my file, checked everything for completeness, and then scheduled me. She did not have to do that, but she did it anyway. Working in admissions for as long as I have, I know what it's like when someone calls who submitted their paperwork 35 seconds prior and then wants to know their status. So I became THAT annoying person. Sorry, Marissa! But she got me scheduled for my initial consultation and that appointment was YESTERDAY! I couldn't believe I got in that quickly.
Yesterday was like Christmas to me. I was so excited and nervous and was unsure of what to expect. I was so scared someone was going to say, "Uh, you don't meet X qualification, so you're done now. Go away!" No one said that though.
First I met with the physician's assistant. He examined me and we talked about my medical history. It's a pretty short history and can be summed up in one sentence: I've had two kids, have hypothyroidism, gallbladder came out in 2001, and torn meniscus surgery in 2013. Annnnnnnd, we're done. We also discussed which of the 3 surgeries I should have. I did not want lap-band, as I felt it was not appropriate for me. He agreed. It then came down to Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (aka VSG or "sleeve") or the Roux-en-Y (RNY or bypass) surgery. I went into the appointment with leanings toward the sleeve surgery, but I also saw benefits to the RNY. We ended up deciding together that RNY is the best bet for me. And I'm ok with that, because deep down, that was my choice from the start. They are also considerably more experienced in performing the RNY surgery, which makes me feel good with my decision. I have no doubts that the team would do an excellent job with the sleeve, too, but I like that they are more experienced with RNY.
He assured me that they will check everything over very carefully in the OR to ensure there are no leaks or problems. The complication rate is less than 5%. There will be two surgeons performing the surgery, along with their team of nurses. This is standard procedure for this clinic, and I like that. It's good to have two sets of eyes in case one picks up what the other may miss. We are all human and mistakes can happen, but with two experts dong the job, the chance of anything being missed is almost zero.
I then met with the social worker so she could assess my mental preparedness and, I'm sure, to make sure I knew what I was getting into. She asked me to explain what happens in the RNY surgery and I believe I told her way more than she was expecting. What can I say? I'm the Queen of Research and I know my stuff. I've watched countless YouTube videos on the procedure and read numerous articles. I know what to expect after surgery, too. I am fully cognizant of the changes that I will need to make in my life to prepare for my new life. I am ready to make those changes. I feel like I have a pretty good support system, too. We talked about all of that and she pronounced me ready and capable of handling this. I do not have to see her again.
I asked both of them if it was possible to do the surgery in December. They both felt it was able to be done. Doing it in December would allow me extra time for recovery because the University is closed from December 24 to January 1. It's also a slower time in our office. So that is what we are shooting for!
Next up, I will meet with my primary care doctor once a month for six months, starting June 25. She will monitor my weight loss efforts and the changes I am making to prepare for life after surgery. I was not told that I had to lose any percentage or amount of weight prior to surgery, so I'm just going to keep working hard and eating right. In July I go back to Springfield for my first two classes and to meet with the nutritionist, physical therapist (for fitness discussions), and the medical people. In August I will attend a support group meeting to see what it's about (the July meeting is going to be a clothing exchange (COOL) so it won't do me any good).
I have no doubts the rest of this year is going to drag by and fly by. The hardest change I will face will be giving up carbonated beverages. I love my Diet Mt Dew, but I'm in love with the idea of living life at a healthy weight even more. I've already started preparing for that by getting used to drinking iced tea. I didn't like unsweetened tea, so I learned I could use Stevia. I tried it and liked it really well. I am going to double-check with the WLC people to be sure I can use Stevia post-surgery, but from what I read I should be able to. I want their final approval, though, because they are the experts. Of course, during my appointments, I could think of only a few questions. Afterward, I thought of 800 questions. I'm going to email them later today with my list of questions. They are very good at responding, which is awesome.
The part that excites me the most is that the physician's assistant said I should be at or very near to my goal within a year. That means when I walk across the stage to graduate with my master's degree in December 2015, I will be doing so at a healthy weight! I love that idea!
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Stumbling Blocks
I seem to be unable to accomplish things in my life without encountering stumbling blocks. Instead of becoming angry or upset, I (mostly) laugh because it is so crazy sometimes. For instance, getting started on this surgical process, I encountered a stumbling block a few weeks ago that sort of became a comedy of errors.
I called the bariatric center on May 28 (Wednesday) to find out if they had everything they needed so I could schedule my first consultation so that I can finally know if this is going to be an option for me. (Although the Weight Loss Clinic people said it was, I won't believe it until the surgical people tell me it is.) The nice young lady I spoke to dropped the bomb that my primary care doctor refused to fill out the (required) referral form and wrote on it that he was leaving, so I should have my new PCP fill it out. Um, he's what?!?!?!?!
So I frantically called my PCP's office, only to speak to some bitter older woman who unkindly informed me a letter was sent (I didn't receive) and that the information was published in the newspaper. I responded that I lived 30 miles away and did not read that town's newspaper! I don't even read the newspaper in my own town! Geesh.
Then I began to frantically try to find another doctor. I called the first one who said he was taking new patients. Yes, they were taking new patients, but he's booked up until the end of July. Ok, let's try another one. The next one was also taking new patients...BUT...only on the first of the month. What? The nice receptionist said I had to call back on Monday, June 2 - since the 1st was a Sunday - and if I was one of the first 20 callers, I would be accepted. Wow, I love radio call-ins as much as the next person, but I'm not going to play a game to see if I can get into a doctor. I'm sure that method works great for them, but I do not care to participate. Is that how they schedule appointments, too? "Gee, sorry to hear you are sick, but she will only treat you on the 5th of the month. If you're the 9th caller, you can get in to see her, PLUS you'll win a meet and greet to see the band backstage!" No.
However she did tell me about another doctor who was accepting patients. I called that office and could get in to see that doctor's nurse practitioner the following Wednesday. I'LL TAKE IT! Then I checked my insurance online to make sure that doctor was covered. She was not. I called the company to be sure, and apparently she was. Whew! So they changed my PCP to the new lady and I was set. Except for the part where I had to convince the new nurse practitioner to fill out the referral form.
I dreaded my appointment and was so nervous. I didn't know what I was going to do if she wouldn't fill it out. The day finally came and I headed off to my appointment, not knowing what to expect. Of anything, I truly did not expect to be there for two hours. But I was. I waited 45 minutes to be called back, and then I was with the nurse practitioner for almost an hour, going over my history. WOWSERS!
Basically, I am extremely healthy. My blood pressure was "amazing" according to the nurse that checked me in. I'd just had a bunch of lab work done and we went over that. My A1C, which checks your last 3 months blood sugar, was good so I have no pre-diabetes lurking, and no diabetes. My cholesterol was slightly high, as was my bad cholesterol. My good cholesterol was also high, which is a good thing. My vitamin D was low, which she said was to be expected after winter.
We finally discussed the referral and she was reluctant to fill it out because my BMI was 39.25 or something. It must be 40 or higher to have surgery without any co-morbidities. Since I'm so dang healthy, I have NO co-morbidities. She finally agreed and said it would be sent in, along with her notes from our visit, by Monday evening.
I'm hoping to call the surgical center this coming week to get my initial consultation scheduled so that I'll finally feel like I'm getting started! I'm not a patient person and this is making me crazy. I've also had second thoughts on whether this is right for me. I get scared thinking of what changes will happen before and after surgery. Basically, I'm just doing what I do when it comes to big decisions like this and I'm having doubts. It is a scary, scary thing to think about. And it's life-changing. I'm not backing out on the consultation, because I trust these people to tell me if this is the right thing for me. They have been in practice for a long time and they are the experts. I continue with my research and talking to those who have had surgery. Some days I'm convinced it's right, and other days I have doubts. I think this is normal.
I've already had one family member who is not thrilled with my decision. There may be others, but they haven't voiced their opinion to me yet. That's ok. Not everyone IS going to agree with this. Just like I don't agree with all of their decisions in their life. However, I'm the one who has to live this life and they are the ones who have to live their own lives. We're all entitled to our own opinions, and I'm ok with that, as long as people are respectful about it.
In other news, I got the syllabus for my next grad class. It actually starts June 30 and ends July 25. So I have 4 weeks in which to cram 16 weeks of learning. He sent the syllabus early so that we could get an early start, and I'm taking advantage of it!
We also started the summer exercise challenge in my little town and I'm excited about it! I hope to take part in some of the longer bike rides they have and some of the other events. I'm going to have to get a newspaper to find out when things are being held, though. Haha!
Does your town offer any type of exercise program? Ours is free thanks to a grant. If not, have you thought about getting one started? Do you think people would take advantage? I'm always surprised at how few take advantage of this one. It's rather sad, actually.
I called the bariatric center on May 28 (Wednesday) to find out if they had everything they needed so I could schedule my first consultation so that I can finally know if this is going to be an option for me. (Although the Weight Loss Clinic people said it was, I won't believe it until the surgical people tell me it is.) The nice young lady I spoke to dropped the bomb that my primary care doctor refused to fill out the (required) referral form and wrote on it that he was leaving, so I should have my new PCP fill it out. Um, he's what?!?!?!?!
So I frantically called my PCP's office, only to speak to some bitter older woman who unkindly informed me a letter was sent (I didn't receive) and that the information was published in the newspaper. I responded that I lived 30 miles away and did not read that town's newspaper! I don't even read the newspaper in my own town! Geesh.
Then I began to frantically try to find another doctor. I called the first one who said he was taking new patients. Yes, they were taking new patients, but he's booked up until the end of July. Ok, let's try another one. The next one was also taking new patients...BUT...only on the first of the month. What? The nice receptionist said I had to call back on Monday, June 2 - since the 1st was a Sunday - and if I was one of the first 20 callers, I would be accepted. Wow, I love radio call-ins as much as the next person, but I'm not going to play a game to see if I can get into a doctor. I'm sure that method works great for them, but I do not care to participate. Is that how they schedule appointments, too? "Gee, sorry to hear you are sick, but she will only treat you on the 5th of the month. If you're the 9th caller, you can get in to see her, PLUS you'll win a meet and greet to see the band backstage!" No.
However she did tell me about another doctor who was accepting patients. I called that office and could get in to see that doctor's nurse practitioner the following Wednesday. I'LL TAKE IT! Then I checked my insurance online to make sure that doctor was covered. She was not. I called the company to be sure, and apparently she was. Whew! So they changed my PCP to the new lady and I was set. Except for the part where I had to convince the new nurse practitioner to fill out the referral form.
I dreaded my appointment and was so nervous. I didn't know what I was going to do if she wouldn't fill it out. The day finally came and I headed off to my appointment, not knowing what to expect. Of anything, I truly did not expect to be there for two hours. But I was. I waited 45 minutes to be called back, and then I was with the nurse practitioner for almost an hour, going over my history. WOWSERS!
Basically, I am extremely healthy. My blood pressure was "amazing" according to the nurse that checked me in. I'd just had a bunch of lab work done and we went over that. My A1C, which checks your last 3 months blood sugar, was good so I have no pre-diabetes lurking, and no diabetes. My cholesterol was slightly high, as was my bad cholesterol. My good cholesterol was also high, which is a good thing. My vitamin D was low, which she said was to be expected after winter.
We finally discussed the referral and she was reluctant to fill it out because my BMI was 39.25 or something. It must be 40 or higher to have surgery without any co-morbidities. Since I'm so dang healthy, I have NO co-morbidities. She finally agreed and said it would be sent in, along with her notes from our visit, by Monday evening.
I'm hoping to call the surgical center this coming week to get my initial consultation scheduled so that I'll finally feel like I'm getting started! I'm not a patient person and this is making me crazy. I've also had second thoughts on whether this is right for me. I get scared thinking of what changes will happen before and after surgery. Basically, I'm just doing what I do when it comes to big decisions like this and I'm having doubts. It is a scary, scary thing to think about. And it's life-changing. I'm not backing out on the consultation, because I trust these people to tell me if this is the right thing for me. They have been in practice for a long time and they are the experts. I continue with my research and talking to those who have had surgery. Some days I'm convinced it's right, and other days I have doubts. I think this is normal.
I've already had one family member who is not thrilled with my decision. There may be others, but they haven't voiced their opinion to me yet. That's ok. Not everyone IS going to agree with this. Just like I don't agree with all of their decisions in their life. However, I'm the one who has to live this life and they are the ones who have to live their own lives. We're all entitled to our own opinions, and I'm ok with that, as long as people are respectful about it.
In other news, I got the syllabus for my next grad class. It actually starts June 30 and ends July 25. So I have 4 weeks in which to cram 16 weeks of learning. He sent the syllabus early so that we could get an early start, and I'm taking advantage of it!
We also started the summer exercise challenge in my little town and I'm excited about it! I hope to take part in some of the longer bike rides they have and some of the other events. I'm going to have to get a newspaper to find out when things are being held, though. Haha!
Does your town offer any type of exercise program? Ours is free thanks to a grant. If not, have you thought about getting one started? Do you think people would take advantage? I'm always surprised at how few take advantage of this one. It's rather sad, actually.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Decision Made
After a great deal of research and discussion, I made the decision this week to begin the process for weight loss surgery. This was not an easy decision by any means. This is not something I rushed into, either. This is not something that everyone is going to agree with, however, this is something I feel is right for me.
I have been trying to lose weight for many years, with minimal success. I've tried every diet under the sun, too. I can exercise until the cows come home, but this weight just will not come off now. Age? Metabolism? I don't know but I'm tired of getting no results.
Weight loss surgery is a TOOL. It is a very powerful, irreversible tool. There will be work to be done leading up to the surgery, and there will be work to be done every single day after the surgery. It is not a magic fix. They don't do the surgery and then I can eat whatever I want and lose, lose, lose. I still have to eat healthy and exercise. That will never stop. There will never come a day when I can say, "I am done." and then start eating junk. I will have good days and I will have bad days, just like everyone else. This will not make my marriage perfect, my job perfect, my kids perfect, or any other aspect of my life perfect. I will still have disagreements with my husband. Things at work will stress me out. My kids will continue to make me nuts. My life will still be just as crazy at is it now, but I will be seeing success on the scale if I'm doing the work.
This will not be a fast process, either, and I may not even be approved by the doctor. I have to see a team, similar to that which I worked with at the weight loss clinic. I will have to meet with a nurse practitioner, nutritionist, physical therapist, and psychologist. There will be classes to take and support groups to attend. I plan to continue to research and read as much as I can about this. I've found some great forums online and am currently lurking, reading. I have a friend who just had the surgery and I'm talking to her to gain her fresh perspective, and a friend who had the surgery 5 1/2 years ago and has kept a great deal of weight off. I have different questions for each of these ladies and they are kind enough to share their experiences with me.
If you don't agree with my decision, that's ok. I'm the one that has to live with it, not you, so it's ok. Only my husband knows exactly what I've been going through because he's watched me suffer, struggle, and he's been the one to wipe up my tears when I step on the scale and have to face a gain when there should be a loss. He knows and he supports this decision. As my biggest supporter and best friend, his support is the only one I really need.
I've submitted the paperwork to the Bariatric Center at Memorial Hospital in Springfield and I'm just waiting for them to schedule my first appointment. Of course, you know I will be keeping you all up to date on this process. I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish and I think this is my best opportunity for reaching those goals. I hope you will all stick along for the ride. I promise, it's going to get pretty exciting! There are going to be more 5Ks, some 10Ks, half marathons, maybe a full marathon, some obstacle course runs, and maybe even some triathlons! Yes, those are all things I want to do! And I will do them!
Are you ready? I am.
I have been trying to lose weight for many years, with minimal success. I've tried every diet under the sun, too. I can exercise until the cows come home, but this weight just will not come off now. Age? Metabolism? I don't know but I'm tired of getting no results.
Weight loss surgery is a TOOL. It is a very powerful, irreversible tool. There will be work to be done leading up to the surgery, and there will be work to be done every single day after the surgery. It is not a magic fix. They don't do the surgery and then I can eat whatever I want and lose, lose, lose. I still have to eat healthy and exercise. That will never stop. There will never come a day when I can say, "I am done." and then start eating junk. I will have good days and I will have bad days, just like everyone else. This will not make my marriage perfect, my job perfect, my kids perfect, or any other aspect of my life perfect. I will still have disagreements with my husband. Things at work will stress me out. My kids will continue to make me nuts. My life will still be just as crazy at is it now, but I will be seeing success on the scale if I'm doing the work.
This will not be a fast process, either, and I may not even be approved by the doctor. I have to see a team, similar to that which I worked with at the weight loss clinic. I will have to meet with a nurse practitioner, nutritionist, physical therapist, and psychologist. There will be classes to take and support groups to attend. I plan to continue to research and read as much as I can about this. I've found some great forums online and am currently lurking, reading. I have a friend who just had the surgery and I'm talking to her to gain her fresh perspective, and a friend who had the surgery 5 1/2 years ago and has kept a great deal of weight off. I have different questions for each of these ladies and they are kind enough to share their experiences with me.
If you don't agree with my decision, that's ok. I'm the one that has to live with it, not you, so it's ok. Only my husband knows exactly what I've been going through because he's watched me suffer, struggle, and he's been the one to wipe up my tears when I step on the scale and have to face a gain when there should be a loss. He knows and he supports this decision. As my biggest supporter and best friend, his support is the only one I really need.
I've submitted the paperwork to the Bariatric Center at Memorial Hospital in Springfield and I'm just waiting for them to schedule my first appointment. Of course, you know I will be keeping you all up to date on this process. I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish and I think this is my best opportunity for reaching those goals. I hope you will all stick along for the ride. I promise, it's going to get pretty exciting! There are going to be more 5Ks, some 10Ks, half marathons, maybe a full marathon, some obstacle course runs, and maybe even some triathlons! Yes, those are all things I want to do! And I will do them!
Are you ready? I am.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Catch up
It's been a few weeks since I last posted, I know. I've had a lot going on and a lot on my mind. I finished up my two grad classes and I'm still getting used to no homework. I'm now 14 hours into my master's degree (still with a 4.0 gpa! WOO!) with 21 hours to go. If things go according to plan I will graduate in December 2015. I can't wait!
Speaking of wait/weight, I don't even know what to say. It's all over the place. Last week I was down 5 lbs and this week I'm up 2 lbs. I guess that's still a loss of 3 lbs, though, so I'll take it. I have been doing a LOT of thinking about and researching weight loss surgery. I am very strongly leaning toward it right now. It's a decision for me and me alone, though, regardless of what anyone else thinks or wants me to do.
Only my husband and I know exactly how hard I have been working at this weight loss and the lack of results make me want to cry. I would love to be able to inspire everyone and say that it's so simple - eat less, move more! But it's not working for my body for whatever reason. I can only bang my head against a wall so many times before I have to stop because it hurts. And it's starting to hurt a LOT. Surgery, however is not a cure-all or a magic fix. It's a tool. A very, very powerful, irreversible tool. And this is a hard decision.
I met with the HyVee Dietitian for the last time on Wednesday and was disappointed to see that my weight was up 6 or 8 lbs from what I started with at my first visit with her in January. She wanted me to reduce my calories even further but I'm scared. What happens if I do reduce them and lose a little and stall again? I cannot keep reducing, reducing, reducing until I am taking in nothing, can I? I don't think it will do anything, but I will try tweaking my calories for a bit to see what happens. If I am not comfortable with the tweaks, I'll go back to where I am now. I'm already relatively low carb, which I didn't even realize until I started looking back at my entries on MyFitnessPal. I was a little surprised by it, but Jennifer was not. She's a smart cookie, that one.
In other news, my youngest son and I went to St. Louis last weekend for the 2014 Heart Walk at Busch Stadium. We walked 3 miles around the streets of downtown St. Louis and ended with a walk around the field at the stadium. It was very, very cool to be down there, even though I'm not a big baseball fan any more. Back in the day, though, I was a huge Cardinals fan and that will never change. My idol, Ozzie Smith, was the honorary chair of the event and I was really hoping we would get to meet him, but the opportunity never even came up. He did give a speech before the race, but it was so noisy it was hard to hear.
Yesterday, Nick and I traveled to Quincy to take part in our 2nd Bridge the Gap 5K walk. The finisher medals we got were incredible! They were huge, heavy and on a nice wide ribbon. It felt like we were Olympic champions almost! Next year Nick wants to run the 5K. I want to try it too. I hope I am able. Then maybe the following year we'll do the 10K, and then the half marathon! Oh yeah, I have big dreams. One way or another they WILL come true.
I'm not sure what our next race will be. There's one in Mt. Sterling in June that I'd like to do and I might try running a little at that one. We'll see. I also want to get my bike out and go for rides. It needs a little work, which my husband has promised to complete this week. I also need to get a bike helmet. And probably a big pillow to pad my butt. LOL
What kinds of plans do you have to stay active this summer? Do you like to participate in organized events? If so, what is your most favorite that you've done?
Speaking of wait/weight, I don't even know what to say. It's all over the place. Last week I was down 5 lbs and this week I'm up 2 lbs. I guess that's still a loss of 3 lbs, though, so I'll take it. I have been doing a LOT of thinking about and researching weight loss surgery. I am very strongly leaning toward it right now. It's a decision for me and me alone, though, regardless of what anyone else thinks or wants me to do.
Only my husband and I know exactly how hard I have been working at this weight loss and the lack of results make me want to cry. I would love to be able to inspire everyone and say that it's so simple - eat less, move more! But it's not working for my body for whatever reason. I can only bang my head against a wall so many times before I have to stop because it hurts. And it's starting to hurt a LOT. Surgery, however is not a cure-all or a magic fix. It's a tool. A very, very powerful, irreversible tool. And this is a hard decision.
I met with the HyVee Dietitian for the last time on Wednesday and was disappointed to see that my weight was up 6 or 8 lbs from what I started with at my first visit with her in January. She wanted me to reduce my calories even further but I'm scared. What happens if I do reduce them and lose a little and stall again? I cannot keep reducing, reducing, reducing until I am taking in nothing, can I? I don't think it will do anything, but I will try tweaking my calories for a bit to see what happens. If I am not comfortable with the tweaks, I'll go back to where I am now. I'm already relatively low carb, which I didn't even realize until I started looking back at my entries on MyFitnessPal. I was a little surprised by it, but Jennifer was not. She's a smart cookie, that one.
In other news, my youngest son and I went to St. Louis last weekend for the 2014 Heart Walk at Busch Stadium. We walked 3 miles around the streets of downtown St. Louis and ended with a walk around the field at the stadium. It was very, very cool to be down there, even though I'm not a big baseball fan any more. Back in the day, though, I was a huge Cardinals fan and that will never change. My idol, Ozzie Smith, was the honorary chair of the event and I was really hoping we would get to meet him, but the opportunity never even came up. He did give a speech before the race, but it was so noisy it was hard to hear.
Yesterday, Nick and I traveled to Quincy to take part in our 2nd Bridge the Gap 5K walk. The finisher medals we got were incredible! They were huge, heavy and on a nice wide ribbon. It felt like we were Olympic champions almost! Next year Nick wants to run the 5K. I want to try it too. I hope I am able. Then maybe the following year we'll do the 10K, and then the half marathon! Oh yeah, I have big dreams. One way or another they WILL come true.
I'm not sure what our next race will be. There's one in Mt. Sterling in June that I'd like to do and I might try running a little at that one. We'll see. I also want to get my bike out and go for rides. It needs a little work, which my husband has promised to complete this week. I also need to get a bike helmet. And probably a big pillow to pad my butt. LOL
What kinds of plans do you have to stay active this summer? Do you like to participate in organized events? If so, what is your most favorite that you've done?
Monday, April 28, 2014
Weight Loss Clinic Visit
I wanted to write about this while it's all still fresh in my mind. It's been a long and overwhelming day. I got to the clinic around 7a and we got started filling out papers. There were 3 other people in the clinic with me, 2 ladies and a man. We were each called individually to meet with a physical therapist, a nutritionist, nurse practitioner, and psychologist. The appointments lasted about an hour each.
Basically they each told me I was doing everything right and by all accounts I should be losing weight. But I'm not. And I'm gaining, gaining, gaining. Twenty pounds to be exact.
They told me that I was actually the ideal candidate for surgery. I am tracking my food, I am exercising regularly, and I have developed coping mechanisms to deal with emotional eating and stuff like that. These are things they teach patients in this clinic and those that are preparing for bariatric surgery. So I'm sort of ahead of the game by quite a bit.
The physical therapist had a couple of suggestions for tweaking my exercise and I will begin trying her suggestions ASAP. The nurse practitioner ordered an array of labs which I will have drawn in the next day or two. Depending on what they show, she may order some changes. Based on my history, I'm pretty sure she's not going to find any problems. The nutritionist told me to keep doing what I'm doing and keep tracking my food. The psychologist really had nothing to add.
I go back in a month to see the NP and nutritionist. The PT and psych said they don't need to see me for 3 months. I have to attend some mandatory classes in June, but they told me I probably already knew what they would teach in the classes, but I had to do them anyway as part of the program.
The one thing that was kind of nice was hearing the compliments on my fitness level and my efforts thus far. The frustrating thing is that no one has an answer as to why I can't lose and why the gains are happening. I really didn't think I'd get a black and white answer, to be honest, but I was kind of hoping.
If I don't see some results in the next 3 months, I can be referred to the bariatric people for weight loss surgery if I so desire. Do I? I don't know. Part of me does not. I want to do it the "old-fashioned way" and people have a tendency to look down their noses at those who have undergone surgery. There are many people in my life who are against this choice for me. Quite frankly, I don't care because they are not the ones that have to live my life. Weight loss surgery is not an EASY option. It comes with its own set of struggles and issues.
Part of me is willing to undergo surgery if it will help me lose weight. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating it is to work so hard and get nothing for my efforts. I cannot continue to do this if I don't start seeing some results soon. If something doesn't happen, I'm going to throw in the towel and my weight is going to spiral out of control. I know me. I know my limits and I'm almost there. Something has to give!
This is not a decision I will make lightly and I will definitely not make it without putting a lot of research and thought into it. It's not something I have to decide tonight, this month, or even next month. Whatever I decide will be what's right for ME and my life.
Basically they each told me I was doing everything right and by all accounts I should be losing weight. But I'm not. And I'm gaining, gaining, gaining. Twenty pounds to be exact.
They told me that I was actually the ideal candidate for surgery. I am tracking my food, I am exercising regularly, and I have developed coping mechanisms to deal with emotional eating and stuff like that. These are things they teach patients in this clinic and those that are preparing for bariatric surgery. So I'm sort of ahead of the game by quite a bit.
The physical therapist had a couple of suggestions for tweaking my exercise and I will begin trying her suggestions ASAP. The nurse practitioner ordered an array of labs which I will have drawn in the next day or two. Depending on what they show, she may order some changes. Based on my history, I'm pretty sure she's not going to find any problems. The nutritionist told me to keep doing what I'm doing and keep tracking my food. The psychologist really had nothing to add.
I go back in a month to see the NP and nutritionist. The PT and psych said they don't need to see me for 3 months. I have to attend some mandatory classes in June, but they told me I probably already knew what they would teach in the classes, but I had to do them anyway as part of the program.
The one thing that was kind of nice was hearing the compliments on my fitness level and my efforts thus far. The frustrating thing is that no one has an answer as to why I can't lose and why the gains are happening. I really didn't think I'd get a black and white answer, to be honest, but I was kind of hoping.
If I don't see some results in the next 3 months, I can be referred to the bariatric people for weight loss surgery if I so desire. Do I? I don't know. Part of me does not. I want to do it the "old-fashioned way" and people have a tendency to look down their noses at those who have undergone surgery. There are many people in my life who are against this choice for me. Quite frankly, I don't care because they are not the ones that have to live my life. Weight loss surgery is not an EASY option. It comes with its own set of struggles and issues.
Part of me is willing to undergo surgery if it will help me lose weight. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating it is to work so hard and get nothing for my efforts. I cannot continue to do this if I don't start seeing some results soon. If something doesn't happen, I'm going to throw in the towel and my weight is going to spiral out of control. I know me. I know my limits and I'm almost there. Something has to give!
This is not a decision I will make lightly and I will definitely not make it without putting a lot of research and thought into it. It's not something I have to decide tonight, this month, or even next month. Whatever I decide will be what's right for ME and my life.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
So many, many things going on!
Last Saturday I was astounded to get on the scale and see that I'd gained 5 lbs. Yes, FIVE pounds. I have no idea where it came from, but it was very disheartening to see. On Wednesday morning, I just did a quick check to see where I was and I was up 2.5 more lbs.
I decided I needed help in figuring this out and getting a plan together, so I called the Memorial Weight Loss and Wellness Center. I spoke to them for almost an hour and got a lot of my questions answered. I have an appointment for my Global Health Assessment tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. in Springfield. I will meet with a doctor, a physical therapist, nutritionist, and counselor, among others. It is a 4-hour appointment, so this will be exhausting, I'm sure. After their assessments, they will meet and decide the best course of treatment for me. I am not interested in their physical therapy as I am already taking care of that. If I like their plan and feel it will benefit me, I will go to Springfield once a month to meet with the doctor and do whatever I need to do. If I think it's a waste of time, I can just walk away. I feel like I have to at least try.
On Friday I met with my endocrinologist to talk about my inability to lose weight and these sudden gains I'm experiencing. Mathematically, they make no sense and shouldn't be happening. According to my Fitbit report I get weekly, I am in a deficit between what I'm eating and what I'm burning. Therefore, I should be losing! But I'm NOT!
We talked for 40 minutes about a lot of different things. She went over my labs from the past 2 years and we discussed the results in detail. I feel like I have a better grasp of this disease now. She did agree to increase my medication so I do hope it will help. She also wants to see me every 3 months and keep a closer eye on my levels. So I'll be getting lab work done every 3 months as well. She wanted to change my meds, but right now I want to get this weight loss thing going, so I prefer to stay on what I'm on for now. Once I get that sorted out, I am not opposed to trying a different medication. I just worry about changing too much at once.
So yesterday I weighed in and was happy to see I'd lost 1.5 lbs. I wish I was more, considering this was of the 5 lb surprise gain, but I'm happy with a loss. Nick and I also went to Macomb to do the Inaugural Purple and Gold Rocky 5K Run/Walk. We had a great time and we weren't last. We were close, though. Even if we were, I told Nick it didn't matter because Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which is greater than Did Not Start. We won because we were out there doing it and not sitting on our butts. For a $15 registration fee we got a really nice Under Armour moisture wicking race shirt. I was surprised that it was so nice considered the inexpensive fee. I've paid more for races and got cheap cotton shirts that shrank 3 sizes in the first wash. So BONUS!
I dread having to get up at 5a tomorrow to make it to Springfield in time for this appointment, but I'm also anxious to hear what their suggestions might be. I will not do something weird, such as drinking meal replacement shakes, or buy boxed foods, or go on a super-restrictive diet. I refuse. I want to do something that I can do for LIFE. I will not drink a shake for life, I'm not going to eat pre-packaged food all the time for the rest of my life, and I'm not going to restrict myself from eating any food groups. If it works for you, that's great because that is YOUR life, not mine. That's not how I want to live. I'm not asking anyone to follow exactly what I do, either. What I do won't necessarily work in your life. Stepping off that soapbox...
I also met with Dietitian Jennifer for my next-to-last meeting last week! It's been a very good experience working with her, even if my weight hasn't moved in the right direction. I still feel that I've learned a lot and have become very aware of some of my attitudes and feelings toward food. We had some discussion and then she took me on another tour of the store. I had already seen most of what she showed me, but it was good to get a refresher because I had forgotten about some of the products.
This time she told me about chia seeds and gave me a sample to take home and try. Some feel that chia seeds aid in weight loss because they will swell up to 10 times their size in water. The theory is that if you ingest them, they will do that in your stomach, making you feel fuller faster and for a longer period of time. I'm not sure I buy into that, but they are also a great source of Omega-3s, so I figure it can't hurt.
She also encouraged me to try Activia yogurt and suggested adding some Kashi Go Lean cereal. So I got all of that and added the chia seeds to the yogurt, along with the granola stuff. It was very, very tasty. However, if you have never had Activia and the granola, you should be aware that Activia is an ancient Indian word for "cleans colon." Kashi is a Japanese word for "with pain." So when you mix the two...it's not exactly a delightful walk in the park. At least that was MY experience. I would use caution when trying these foods and be sure you are near a restroom in which you feel comfortable being for a slightly extended period of time. And that's all I'm going to say about THAT.
In other news, only a couple of weeks left in this semester and I'm so glad. Once it is over, I will have the rest of May and all of June to devote to ME, ME, ME! My online class starts July 1 and ends July 25, so it will be an intense time and I will not have much ME time. In the Fall, I'm taking 2 Weekend Academy classes, which will be a new experience. Each class only meets 3 weekends. One of them is on Fridays from 5p - 10p and Saturday from 8a - 6p. The other one meets Sat/Sun from 8a - 5p. Of course they are all on different weekends. This will start in September and I will be done in early November. I'm not sure what my time for me will be like, but I think I will still have time to workout through the week.
How are things in your life? What is your weight loss/get healthy plan like? What are the things you absolutely refuse to do in order to lose weight (drink daily shake, take pills, etc)? Any upcoming 5Ks in the area you are doing?
I decided I needed help in figuring this out and getting a plan together, so I called the Memorial Weight Loss and Wellness Center. I spoke to them for almost an hour and got a lot of my questions answered. I have an appointment for my Global Health Assessment tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. in Springfield. I will meet with a doctor, a physical therapist, nutritionist, and counselor, among others. It is a 4-hour appointment, so this will be exhausting, I'm sure. After their assessments, they will meet and decide the best course of treatment for me. I am not interested in their physical therapy as I am already taking care of that. If I like their plan and feel it will benefit me, I will go to Springfield once a month to meet with the doctor and do whatever I need to do. If I think it's a waste of time, I can just walk away. I feel like I have to at least try.
On Friday I met with my endocrinologist to talk about my inability to lose weight and these sudden gains I'm experiencing. Mathematically, they make no sense and shouldn't be happening. According to my Fitbit report I get weekly, I am in a deficit between what I'm eating and what I'm burning. Therefore, I should be losing! But I'm NOT!
We talked for 40 minutes about a lot of different things. She went over my labs from the past 2 years and we discussed the results in detail. I feel like I have a better grasp of this disease now. She did agree to increase my medication so I do hope it will help. She also wants to see me every 3 months and keep a closer eye on my levels. So I'll be getting lab work done every 3 months as well. She wanted to change my meds, but right now I want to get this weight loss thing going, so I prefer to stay on what I'm on for now. Once I get that sorted out, I am not opposed to trying a different medication. I just worry about changing too much at once.
So yesterday I weighed in and was happy to see I'd lost 1.5 lbs. I wish I was more, considering this was of the 5 lb surprise gain, but I'm happy with a loss. Nick and I also went to Macomb to do the Inaugural Purple and Gold Rocky 5K Run/Walk. We had a great time and we weren't last. We were close, though. Even if we were, I told Nick it didn't matter because Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which is greater than Did Not Start. We won because we were out there doing it and not sitting on our butts. For a $15 registration fee we got a really nice Under Armour moisture wicking race shirt. I was surprised that it was so nice considered the inexpensive fee. I've paid more for races and got cheap cotton shirts that shrank 3 sizes in the first wash. So BONUS!
I dread having to get up at 5a tomorrow to make it to Springfield in time for this appointment, but I'm also anxious to hear what their suggestions might be. I will not do something weird, such as drinking meal replacement shakes, or buy boxed foods, or go on a super-restrictive diet. I refuse. I want to do something that I can do for LIFE. I will not drink a shake for life, I'm not going to eat pre-packaged food all the time for the rest of my life, and I'm not going to restrict myself from eating any food groups. If it works for you, that's great because that is YOUR life, not mine. That's not how I want to live. I'm not asking anyone to follow exactly what I do, either. What I do won't necessarily work in your life. Stepping off that soapbox...
I also met with Dietitian Jennifer for my next-to-last meeting last week! It's been a very good experience working with her, even if my weight hasn't moved in the right direction. I still feel that I've learned a lot and have become very aware of some of my attitudes and feelings toward food. We had some discussion and then she took me on another tour of the store. I had already seen most of what she showed me, but it was good to get a refresher because I had forgotten about some of the products.
This time she told me about chia seeds and gave me a sample to take home and try. Some feel that chia seeds aid in weight loss because they will swell up to 10 times their size in water. The theory is that if you ingest them, they will do that in your stomach, making you feel fuller faster and for a longer period of time. I'm not sure I buy into that, but they are also a great source of Omega-3s, so I figure it can't hurt.
She also encouraged me to try Activia yogurt and suggested adding some Kashi Go Lean cereal. So I got all of that and added the chia seeds to the yogurt, along with the granola stuff. It was very, very tasty. However, if you have never had Activia and the granola, you should be aware that Activia is an ancient Indian word for "cleans colon." Kashi is a Japanese word for "with pain." So when you mix the two...it's not exactly a delightful walk in the park. At least that was MY experience. I would use caution when trying these foods and be sure you are near a restroom in which you feel comfortable being for a slightly extended period of time. And that's all I'm going to say about THAT.
In other news, only a couple of weeks left in this semester and I'm so glad. Once it is over, I will have the rest of May and all of June to devote to ME, ME, ME! My online class starts July 1 and ends July 25, so it will be an intense time and I will not have much ME time. In the Fall, I'm taking 2 Weekend Academy classes, which will be a new experience. Each class only meets 3 weekends. One of them is on Fridays from 5p - 10p and Saturday from 8a - 6p. The other one meets Sat/Sun from 8a - 5p. Of course they are all on different weekends. This will start in September and I will be done in early November. I'm not sure what my time for me will be like, but I think I will still have time to workout through the week.
How are things in your life? What is your weight loss/get healthy plan like? What are the things you absolutely refuse to do in order to lose weight (drink daily shake, take pills, etc)? Any upcoming 5Ks in the area you are doing?
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Heading in the right direction
Ok, since we last talked I celebrated a birthday, so I'm a little older but not any wiser. I hope that part kicks in soon because I could use some wisdom. Last week I gained 2.25 lbs. I didn't work out as much and I wasn't as careful with my eating, so I wasn't surprised. However I got my act back together and I have lost 3 lbs this week.
One of the things that really helped me was to call my endocrinologist and schedule an appointment to see the actual doctor. I've been working with the nurse practitioner, and while I feel NPs play an important role in health care, there are just some times when it's better to talk to the doctor. This is one. I also requested they fax my last set of labs to me so I can see the numbers for myself. The NP had told me they were all fine in early March. Well, one of the levels was actually low and could be causing this weight to not come off. I see my endocrinologist on April 25.
In preparation for the appointment, I asked Dietitian Jennifer to write a letter to her that explains what we've been doing. She agreed and gave me the letter at my appointment on Wednesday. It basically outlines the changes we have implemented and points out that I've lost 1 lb since late January. That's not very impressive for the work I've put into this. It's absolutely maddening, to be honest! I hope the endocrinologist is open to listening and will help me figure out what's wrong with my body. The previous endo that I was seeing at that office has retired, so I've not met this lady yet.
I also cashed in my certificate for a training program that I won in the Biggest Loser contest. On Tuesday, I spoke with the trainer creating it at length about my goals, how often I wanted to work out, etc. He is working on it and will let me know when it's ready. Hopefully this week.
We're coming into the final weeks of this semester and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I have lots of homework waiting for me, as usual. I can't wait for Spring 2014 semester to end so I can enjoy a few weeks of vacation. July 1 I'll start again with a 4-week summer class. It will be stressful, but I'll be ready!
Hope everyone in this area is able to get out and enjoy the weather! It's 75 degrees out right now which is a lovely change after the horribly cold winter we just came out of. I think I'm going to take my textbook outside and sit and read.
How has your week been going? Successes? Failures? If you've hit a bump, let it just be a bump and do not let it derail you. Think of your progress and the good you are doing for your body. The number on the scale isn't where I want it to be, but working out and eating right are more important for my overall health. It is for yours, too!
One of the things that really helped me was to call my endocrinologist and schedule an appointment to see the actual doctor. I've been working with the nurse practitioner, and while I feel NPs play an important role in health care, there are just some times when it's better to talk to the doctor. This is one. I also requested they fax my last set of labs to me so I can see the numbers for myself. The NP had told me they were all fine in early March. Well, one of the levels was actually low and could be causing this weight to not come off. I see my endocrinologist on April 25.
In preparation for the appointment, I asked Dietitian Jennifer to write a letter to her that explains what we've been doing. She agreed and gave me the letter at my appointment on Wednesday. It basically outlines the changes we have implemented and points out that I've lost 1 lb since late January. That's not very impressive for the work I've put into this. It's absolutely maddening, to be honest! I hope the endocrinologist is open to listening and will help me figure out what's wrong with my body. The previous endo that I was seeing at that office has retired, so I've not met this lady yet.
I also cashed in my certificate for a training program that I won in the Biggest Loser contest. On Tuesday, I spoke with the trainer creating it at length about my goals, how often I wanted to work out, etc. He is working on it and will let me know when it's ready. Hopefully this week.
We're coming into the final weeks of this semester and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I have lots of homework waiting for me, as usual. I can't wait for Spring 2014 semester to end so I can enjoy a few weeks of vacation. July 1 I'll start again with a 4-week summer class. It will be stressful, but I'll be ready!
Hope everyone in this area is able to get out and enjoy the weather! It's 75 degrees out right now which is a lovely change after the horribly cold winter we just came out of. I think I'm going to take my textbook outside and sit and read.
How has your week been going? Successes? Failures? If you've hit a bump, let it just be a bump and do not let it derail you. Think of your progress and the good you are doing for your body. The number on the scale isn't where I want it to be, but working out and eating right are more important for my overall health. It is for yours, too!
Monday, March 31, 2014
WIU Biggest Loser Finale
Today was our final Biggest Loser meeting at the Rec Center. The girl that won was the one that I figured would win. She lost 16 lbs total, which is awesome for 7 weeks. I can't remember what the 2nd place girl did. I came in 3rd by default because no one else was there. I lost 3 lbs and 3 inches. Rather disappointing results for seven weeks of busting my butt and working hard, but I'm not complaining.
One of my prizes was a certificate for a training plan, which I plan to "cash in" as soon as possible. They also asked if we would be interested in participating again if they should offer it, and I definitely am. They are thinking of doing it in groups of 4, but I'm not exactly sure how that would work. Still interested! Working with the trainer was a great way for me to stay accountable and to stay motivated. The only thing I said that should be changed was the lateness of the meetings. I did not care for the 7:30 p.m. meeting time as that made for a really long day. Other than that, it was a great experience and well worth the $30 I paid to participate.
In other news, I lost 0.2 lbs this week. It's a loss but so small that I'm not even really counting it. I'm not going to lie - I'm struggling mentally with this lack of results. I cannot put into words how it feels to know you've followed the eating plan to perfection, worked your butt off to the point that your body hurts all the time....and you get nothing in return, or even worse, you see a gain. I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but after 4 solid months of this struggle, it's getting really challenging to do. I keep saying I won't give up, but I am truly feeling discouraged.
Until next week,
angie
One of my prizes was a certificate for a training plan, which I plan to "cash in" as soon as possible. They also asked if we would be interested in participating again if they should offer it, and I definitely am. They are thinking of doing it in groups of 4, but I'm not exactly sure how that would work. Still interested! Working with the trainer was a great way for me to stay accountable and to stay motivated. The only thing I said that should be changed was the lateness of the meetings. I did not care for the 7:30 p.m. meeting time as that made for a really long day. Other than that, it was a great experience and well worth the $30 I paid to participate.
In other news, I lost 0.2 lbs this week. It's a loss but so small that I'm not even really counting it. I'm not going to lie - I'm struggling mentally with this lack of results. I cannot put into words how it feels to know you've followed the eating plan to perfection, worked your butt off to the point that your body hurts all the time....and you get nothing in return, or even worse, you see a gain. I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but after 4 solid months of this struggle, it's getting really challenging to do. I keep saying I won't give up, but I am truly feeling discouraged.
Until next week,
angie
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Happy...and a little disappointed
Ok, let's get to the good stuff first! I stepped on the scale yesterday and was delighted to be greeted with a loss of 1.5 lbs this week. Oh yeah! Hopefully my slightly dyslexic body is starting to get this whole "weight loss" idea and is finally catching on. We can only hope.
The disappointing part of my week was my meeting with Dietitian Jennifer on Wednesday. Overall she is very pleased with my food log and suggested a few changes. One of them was to think about food before I consume it and ask myself, "Is this taking me closer to my goals or further from my goals?" Good idea, now I just have to remember to actually do it and then LISTEN to the answer and not ignore it. I discovered a few tweaks that I could make to help me slowly make my way toward even healthier eating. My ultimate goal is to get rid of as much processed food as possible. I'm not sure if I want to or can COMPLETELY eliminate it, but if I keep moving in the direction I'm going, it is a strong possibility. I'm a work in progress, as we all are.
The disappointment came when we began to talk about exercise. Tomorrow night is my last Biggest Loser meeting and this is my last week with my trainer. Jennifer expressed concern about me continuing to exercise, which is logical since she doesn't know me that well and she doesn't know all of my history. I assured her that I would continue with exercising as I've been doing it pretty regularly for about 4 years. Exercise is not my problem --- it's the diet part where I fall down. As I told her, I am the poster child to demonstrate that old adage, "You can't out-exercise a bad diet." You cannot. It will not work, no matter how hard you try. Well, now that my diet is much improved, I still can't seem to lose, but that's beside the point.
I was taken aback when she advised me to continue to lift weights, but to really work on the cardio because that's where I would get the biggest fat burn. I was speechless because that way of thinking is so outdated and just plain WRONG! Weight lifting is essential to losing weight because as you build muscle, it will continue to burn calories far longer than through just cardio. Cardio will burn fat, don't get me wrong, but it's only for a short time. Weights are where it's at. And weights are what I like.
Since I am paying her to discuss food/eating and not exercise, I chose to ignore that advice and not even comment on it. I didn't want to start something and I strongly prefer to avoid confrontation. It was a "choose your battle" moment, and I chose to not engage. I know that's not her area of expertise, so I'm just going to leave it alone.
In other news, I'm excited and sad that our Biggest Loser program is ending. It seems like it just got started. We are down to 5 participants, and they are all students. I have no doubts that I will probably finish dead last, but when you put a 43 year old up against 20-somethings, that's bound to happen. I don't care about winning, because the experience and knowledge were worth it. I have very much enjoyed working with my trainer and I have learned a few things from him that I will start incorporating. If nothing else, it got me back to being comfortable in the weight room again. Can't beat that!
I will NOT miss the 7:30 p.m. meetings. Oh my goodness, my Mondays have been sooooooooooo long during this. I leave my house around 7:10 a.m. and do not get home until 9-9:30 p.m. That part has sucked. I am not complaining because it was a sacrifice I have been willing to make. I wish the meeting time could have been earlier.
What do you do for exercise? Are you incorporating weight lifting into your routine or are you just relying on cardio? If you aren't lifting weights, why not? And are you lifting HEAVY weights? I'm not talking the little 3 lb Barbie dumbbells...I mean heavy. Did you know that women are physically incapable of bulking up like men? Our bodies do not produce enough testosterone to do so. Those lady bodybuilders that have the big muscles are taking some kind of supplement or something to make their muscles do that. Plus they train and eat specifically for that.
The disappointing part of my week was my meeting with Dietitian Jennifer on Wednesday. Overall she is very pleased with my food log and suggested a few changes. One of them was to think about food before I consume it and ask myself, "Is this taking me closer to my goals or further from my goals?" Good idea, now I just have to remember to actually do it and then LISTEN to the answer and not ignore it. I discovered a few tweaks that I could make to help me slowly make my way toward even healthier eating. My ultimate goal is to get rid of as much processed food as possible. I'm not sure if I want to or can COMPLETELY eliminate it, but if I keep moving in the direction I'm going, it is a strong possibility. I'm a work in progress, as we all are.
The disappointment came when we began to talk about exercise. Tomorrow night is my last Biggest Loser meeting and this is my last week with my trainer. Jennifer expressed concern about me continuing to exercise, which is logical since she doesn't know me that well and she doesn't know all of my history. I assured her that I would continue with exercising as I've been doing it pretty regularly for about 4 years. Exercise is not my problem --- it's the diet part where I fall down. As I told her, I am the poster child to demonstrate that old adage, "You can't out-exercise a bad diet." You cannot. It will not work, no matter how hard you try. Well, now that my diet is much improved, I still can't seem to lose, but that's beside the point.
I was taken aback when she advised me to continue to lift weights, but to really work on the cardio because that's where I would get the biggest fat burn. I was speechless because that way of thinking is so outdated and just plain WRONG! Weight lifting is essential to losing weight because as you build muscle, it will continue to burn calories far longer than through just cardio. Cardio will burn fat, don't get me wrong, but it's only for a short time. Weights are where it's at. And weights are what I like.
Since I am paying her to discuss food/eating and not exercise, I chose to ignore that advice and not even comment on it. I didn't want to start something and I strongly prefer to avoid confrontation. It was a "choose your battle" moment, and I chose to not engage. I know that's not her area of expertise, so I'm just going to leave it alone.
In other news, I'm excited and sad that our Biggest Loser program is ending. It seems like it just got started. We are down to 5 participants, and they are all students. I have no doubts that I will probably finish dead last, but when you put a 43 year old up against 20-somethings, that's bound to happen. I don't care about winning, because the experience and knowledge were worth it. I have very much enjoyed working with my trainer and I have learned a few things from him that I will start incorporating. If nothing else, it got me back to being comfortable in the weight room again. Can't beat that!
I will NOT miss the 7:30 p.m. meetings. Oh my goodness, my Mondays have been sooooooooooo long during this. I leave my house around 7:10 a.m. and do not get home until 9-9:30 p.m. That part has sucked. I am not complaining because it was a sacrifice I have been willing to make. I wish the meeting time could have been earlier.
What do you do for exercise? Are you incorporating weight lifting into your routine or are you just relying on cardio? If you aren't lifting weights, why not? And are you lifting HEAVY weights? I'm not talking the little 3 lb Barbie dumbbells...I mean heavy. Did you know that women are physically incapable of bulking up like men? Our bodies do not produce enough testosterone to do so. Those lady bodybuilders that have the big muscles are taking some kind of supplement or something to make their muscles do that. Plus they train and eat specifically for that.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Frustration
I have stayed off the scales all week, as Jennifer suggested. I've also worked hard to stay in the 1500-1600 calorie range she suggested. I've done really well with both goals, so I wasn't sure what the scale would show today. I've been working out hard, burning lots of calories, following the training plan that my trainer left me while he was gone for Spring Break. I've done everything right, followed all the rules, and worked really hard. I am proud of my efforts.
So what did the scale show me this morning?
A gain of 3.5 lbs.
Seriously?!?!?!?
I really don't get this and I don't know what is going on. I KNOW I didn't consume 12,000+ calories and it's not a gain of fat. But why does this keep happening? I want to weep with frustration, but that won't accomplish anything. I don't want to cut my calories further because I don't think that will help and I'm able to be comfortable without being hungry at this level.
So the plan is to keep doing what I'm doing. Work harder when I can, get rest, and keep making good food choices. I will not give up, even though the frustration is overwhelming at times. This has been happening for 2 1/2 months now. I don't know how long it will take my body to get the message, but it has to sink in sometime. I didn't think I was a slow learner, but apparently I am!
Have you ever thought of throwing in the towel? What stopped you? If you did, what got you going again? And if you aren't going again yet, are you ready?
So what did the scale show me this morning?
A gain of 3.5 lbs.
Seriously?!?!?!?
I really don't get this and I don't know what is going on. I KNOW I didn't consume 12,000+ calories and it's not a gain of fat. But why does this keep happening? I want to weep with frustration, but that won't accomplish anything. I don't want to cut my calories further because I don't think that will help and I'm able to be comfortable without being hungry at this level.
So the plan is to keep doing what I'm doing. Work harder when I can, get rest, and keep making good food choices. I will not give up, even though the frustration is overwhelming at times. This has been happening for 2 1/2 months now. I don't know how long it will take my body to get the message, but it has to sink in sometime. I didn't think I was a slow learner, but apparently I am!
Have you ever thought of throwing in the towel? What stopped you? If you did, what got you going again? And if you aren't going again yet, are you ready?
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Emotional Week
This week was full of ups and downs. It started with the scales inexplicably climbing up, up, up until I had gained almost 4 lbs. There was NO logical reason for this. I was exercising, drinking my water, staying in my calorie range, and eating healthy food. So why the gain? No clue, but it was maddening, disheartening, depressing, and made me incredibly sad. Especially when people who weren't even trying to lose weight reported to me that they had lost weight. Seriously?!?!
I decided that apparently the only way for me to possibly lose weight was to have bariatric surgery. I went to the Memorial Medical Center's website and signed up. Well, it's not really that easy...first you have to sign up for pre-screening. I got denied. I don't weigh enough to qualify for surgery, and I have no co-existing conditions (diabetes/pre-diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) that qualify me. So that was kind of a kick in the teeth, too!
On Wednesday, I met with Jennifer, mypsychotherapist dietitian. It was a very emotional meeting, and we talked for an hour. She has no explanation for the gain either (I was up 3 lbs on her scale from last week's weight). I am doing everything that I should be doing. Mathematically speaking, I should be losing. Reality, however, seems to have other ideas. After talking with her my goals for the week were to stay off the scales. They are causing more problems than anything and ruining my day. I will only weigh on Saturday, my regular day, and on Wednesday with Jennifer. I also adjusted my calories down just a smidge to 1500-1600, no more than 1600 and no less than 1500. And then I am going to keep doing what I'm doing.
Another thing we talked about was my worry about going to dinner on Saturday night with some family and friends. We were going to eat at my mother-in-law's house, and I knew we'd be ordering pizza. I didn't want that meal to undo everything, but I also wanted to not be all "special" and not be able to eat what everyone else was eating. This is going to come up in life from time to time and I need to deal with it. We decided that I would take a large chef salad with me and I would enjoy 1 slice of pizza. I did exactly that and it was fine. I did also "splurge" and have 1/2 cheese breadstick as well, but I was still under my 1600 calories for the day! My MIL surprised me when she brought out some cookies, but I managed to stay out of those. Now had we eaten at the restaurant, I would have gotten a big salad bar and had 1 slice. It would still work!
So I had to wait for Saturday to weigh in and see how I was doing. I was worried, but I managed to get back down to where I was last Saturday. I didn't exactly lose if we're going from Saturday to Saturday, but from Tuesday to Saturday, I lost almost 4 lbs. I'm good with that.
Tomorrow starts spring break at work and for me in my classes. This year I have no assignments hanging over my head that are due next week. My next assignments aren't due until the week after break, so I can enjoy myself. My Biggest Loser trainer sent me a really nice email with some workouts for this week, and he complimented my work ethic and said I was working super-hard and he's really happy with that. That was nice to read!
Today was finally a nice day so Duke and I went for a 2 mile walk. He loved it since he hasn't had a big walk like that for a long time. Tomorrow and Tuesday are supposed to be in the high 50s or low 60s, but then they are calling for some blasted snow again! GRRR! I've had enough snow and cold. I'm ready for spring, just like everyone else in this part of the country.
Do you have a scale addiction? Were you able to break it? Do you let the number on the scale ruin your day?
I decided that apparently the only way for me to possibly lose weight was to have bariatric surgery. I went to the Memorial Medical Center's website and signed up. Well, it's not really that easy...first you have to sign up for pre-screening. I got denied. I don't weigh enough to qualify for surgery, and I have no co-existing conditions (diabetes/pre-diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) that qualify me. So that was kind of a kick in the teeth, too!
On Wednesday, I met with Jennifer, my
Another thing we talked about was my worry about going to dinner on Saturday night with some family and friends. We were going to eat at my mother-in-law's house, and I knew we'd be ordering pizza. I didn't want that meal to undo everything, but I also wanted to not be all "special" and not be able to eat what everyone else was eating. This is going to come up in life from time to time and I need to deal with it. We decided that I would take a large chef salad with me and I would enjoy 1 slice of pizza. I did exactly that and it was fine. I did also "splurge" and have 1/2 cheese breadstick as well, but I was still under my 1600 calories for the day! My MIL surprised me when she brought out some cookies, but I managed to stay out of those. Now had we eaten at the restaurant, I would have gotten a big salad bar and had 1 slice. It would still work!
So I had to wait for Saturday to weigh in and see how I was doing. I was worried, but I managed to get back down to where I was last Saturday. I didn't exactly lose if we're going from Saturday to Saturday, but from Tuesday to Saturday, I lost almost 4 lbs. I'm good with that.
Tomorrow starts spring break at work and for me in my classes. This year I have no assignments hanging over my head that are due next week. My next assignments aren't due until the week after break, so I can enjoy myself. My Biggest Loser trainer sent me a really nice email with some workouts for this week, and he complimented my work ethic and said I was working super-hard and he's really happy with that. That was nice to read!
Today was finally a nice day so Duke and I went for a 2 mile walk. He loved it since he hasn't had a big walk like that for a long time. Tomorrow and Tuesday are supposed to be in the high 50s or low 60s, but then they are calling for some blasted snow again! GRRR! I've had enough snow and cold. I'm ready for spring, just like everyone else in this part of the country.
Do you have a scale addiction? Were you able to break it? Do you let the number on the scale ruin your day?
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Learning more about myself...
I think my HyVee dietitian, Jennifer, is more of a psychologist/counselor than anything. We don't just talk about what to eat/what not to eat, but we also discuss attitudes/beliefs/feelings toward food. One of the things I learned this week is that I have to work on my beliefs toward fast food/restaurant food.
It started with a simple comment about me worrying about a meal that Mike and I had at Arby's. It wasn't the worst food I could have chosen, but it certainly wasn't the most healthy. We started talking about how I felt about eating out and through a series of thought-provoking questions, I discovered I tend to elevate restaurant eating in my mind.
Growing up as one of 4 children, we didn't spend a lot of time at restaurants. Plus that just wasn't how it was done back then. To get to go to McDonald's was something very special. As a result, I still tend to think of these visits as very special and I want to get the most food out of the visit as possible. Plus I like a good "value."
She reassured me that my way of thinking is not bad, it just is how I think. I need to work on re-directing those thoughts and changing my views so that restaurants are just other places to get food and it doesn't have to be a gorge-fest. I have an assignment to complete for that in order to help her help me start to make that shift.
I'm very pleased with the money I've invested in these visits. It is NOT what I expected at all. If you live near Macomb, IL, and you want/need help with eating, I would strongly recommend that you invest in yourself and visit Jennifer. The program I am doing is $60 for 10 visits. The first visit is free, so you actually get 11 visits. At first, I wondered what on earth we were going to talk about for so many visits and now I wonder if it will be enough! She is very nice and easy to talk to, she does not make you feel judged for what you eat/how much you eat/what you don't eat. You are who you are and your life experiences have shaped you into that person. It is what it is, and she completely embraces that. Yet she will help you work on changing your thought processes so that you can live a better, HEALTHIER life.
Overall she is quite pleased with what I've been eating. I was quite proud of myself this past Tuesday for taking my own lunch to a lunch-time meeting where pizza was provided for us. I did not even want to go to the meeting but it was a very important one, so I put on my Big Girl Pants and went with the food I had prepared at home. There were about a dozen men there and one other woman. No one blinked an eye, said a word, or even tried to tempt me with pizza. Yes, I still felt pretty self-conscious, but I know I was making the best decision for ME and what the other people thought didn't matter. And I lived to tell the tale.
Monday night's Biggest Loser meeting was a counselor from the campus counseling center who talked to us about emotional eating. I am starting to become aware of when I am feeling stressed and want to eat everything. I have a few coping mechanisms in place, which involve texting or calling a few friends who I can count on to talk me down. The girl who is our nutrition coach for the contest has even agreed to be one of those people for me. I can also remove myself from the situation, such as when standing in the Walmart checkout line, faced that wall of convenient candy bars that are screaming my name. If there's no rush, I can exit the checkout and walk around the store, particularly in the ladies clothing area, and look at the stuff that I'd like to be able to wear.
It was somewhat of an interesting talk. Most of the other 4 girls really didn't have much to contribute, so it almost felt like I was having a very public counseling session with the woman about my disordered eating habits. She tried her best to engage the other girls, but for whatever reason, they were very reluctant to open up. Of course, I'm much older than they are with more life experience, and I don't give a fig what they think of me. They are within their peer group, so they may have been more self-conscious. Regardless, I am trying to get as much as I possibly can out of this experience. If I have to share embarrassing stories, so be it. I will very likely never encounter these girls again. And if I do, so what? It's nothing I wouldn't and haven't shared here! LOL
And now...the weekly weigh in! According to the scales, I lost 2.5 lbs this week. Yay! It's about time I see that scale moving in that direction. Hopefully it will continue.
Does anyone else have a problem with fast food/restaurant food? Do you feel like you have to get as much food for your dollar as you can, or am I the only one?
It started with a simple comment about me worrying about a meal that Mike and I had at Arby's. It wasn't the worst food I could have chosen, but it certainly wasn't the most healthy. We started talking about how I felt about eating out and through a series of thought-provoking questions, I discovered I tend to elevate restaurant eating in my mind.
Growing up as one of 4 children, we didn't spend a lot of time at restaurants. Plus that just wasn't how it was done back then. To get to go to McDonald's was something very special. As a result, I still tend to think of these visits as very special and I want to get the most food out of the visit as possible. Plus I like a good "value."
She reassured me that my way of thinking is not bad, it just is how I think. I need to work on re-directing those thoughts and changing my views so that restaurants are just other places to get food and it doesn't have to be a gorge-fest. I have an assignment to complete for that in order to help her help me start to make that shift.
I'm very pleased with the money I've invested in these visits. It is NOT what I expected at all. If you live near Macomb, IL, and you want/need help with eating, I would strongly recommend that you invest in yourself and visit Jennifer. The program I am doing is $60 for 10 visits. The first visit is free, so you actually get 11 visits. At first, I wondered what on earth we were going to talk about for so many visits and now I wonder if it will be enough! She is very nice and easy to talk to, she does not make you feel judged for what you eat/how much you eat/what you don't eat. You are who you are and your life experiences have shaped you into that person. It is what it is, and she completely embraces that. Yet she will help you work on changing your thought processes so that you can live a better, HEALTHIER life.
Overall she is quite pleased with what I've been eating. I was quite proud of myself this past Tuesday for taking my own lunch to a lunch-time meeting where pizza was provided for us. I did not even want to go to the meeting but it was a very important one, so I put on my Big Girl Pants and went with the food I had prepared at home. There were about a dozen men there and one other woman. No one blinked an eye, said a word, or even tried to tempt me with pizza. Yes, I still felt pretty self-conscious, but I know I was making the best decision for ME and what the other people thought didn't matter. And I lived to tell the tale.
Monday night's Biggest Loser meeting was a counselor from the campus counseling center who talked to us about emotional eating. I am starting to become aware of when I am feeling stressed and want to eat everything. I have a few coping mechanisms in place, which involve texting or calling a few friends who I can count on to talk me down. The girl who is our nutrition coach for the contest has even agreed to be one of those people for me. I can also remove myself from the situation, such as when standing in the Walmart checkout line, faced that wall of convenient candy bars that are screaming my name. If there's no rush, I can exit the checkout and walk around the store, particularly in the ladies clothing area, and look at the stuff that I'd like to be able to wear.
It was somewhat of an interesting talk. Most of the other 4 girls really didn't have much to contribute, so it almost felt like I was having a very public counseling session with the woman about my disordered eating habits. She tried her best to engage the other girls, but for whatever reason, they were very reluctant to open up. Of course, I'm much older than they are with more life experience, and I don't give a fig what they think of me. They are within their peer group, so they may have been more self-conscious. Regardless, I am trying to get as much as I possibly can out of this experience. If I have to share embarrassing stories, so be it. I will very likely never encounter these girls again. And if I do, so what? It's nothing I wouldn't and haven't shared here! LOL
And now...the weekly weigh in! According to the scales, I lost 2.5 lbs this week. Yay! It's about time I see that scale moving in that direction. Hopefully it will continue.
Does anyone else have a problem with fast food/restaurant food? Do you feel like you have to get as much food for your dollar as you can, or am I the only one?
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Another weekly update...
This week the scales were a bit kinder to me, showing a 2 lb loss. It's not what I had hoped for, but I'll take it.
Starting out this week, I had to miss our 2nd Biggest Loser meeting because of the ice/snow storm on Monday. I was worried that I would be disqualified, but I emailed the lady in charge and she assured me that I would not be, as this was a legitimate reason to not be able to attend. If I lived right in Macomb, I would have been there.
On Tuesday, I met with Trainer Justin for my first actual workout with him. It was everything I had hoped for! We started with 20 minutes on the elliptical, which I abhor. I do it because it's one of the cardio machines that doesn't hurt my knee too bad, but I hate my time on it. He and I talked while I did it, so it made the time fly by. I need to have someone chat with me every time I have to use that hated machine!
Next we headed over to the training room for some back squats. I hadn't done those in a while, so I wasn't sure how it would go, but I gave it a try. I did some pretty light weights, but I could feel it in my knee a bit, so I didn't want to push it. After that, we did some straight-leg deadlifts, which were fun, but I can definitely do heavier than whatever I was doing.
We then had to go downstairs to the weight room for some leg extensions and hip abductors and adductors. The whole time he was really pushing me, which is what I love. He had his phone out to use the timer and made sure I only took 45 seconds to 1 minute rest between sets. Sometimes I sit and daydream and take a little longer, so it was good to have someone that stayed on top of that and kept me focused.
He offered to stretch with me or let me finish with some more cardio on the bike. I chose the bike. I hate stretching. I don't know why, but I absolutely abhor it. I know it would help and it's good for me and blah, blah, blah...but I still don't like it.
By the time I finished, I was soaked in sweat (LOVE) and my Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor showed that I had burned a little over 960 calories in 90 minutes. YES!
On Wednesday, I saw Jennifer, my HyVee dietitian. I told her about the gain I had last week, how it made me feel, etc. She reviewed my food journal and she could not figure out why I would have gained. She said that everything looked good, I was getting a good balance, and there was no reason why I should have gained. I felt good, knowing that she thought my food was pretty good. However that still doesn't explain why I'm not losing weight!
We talked about making sure I get enough water, so I made a mental goal for myself to drink at least ONE of my Casey's 33 oz bottles of water before I leave work every day. So far, so good. We also talked about my thyroid and how it may be contributing to this problem. My endocrinologist lowered my dosage of my meds in August. Since then, I've fought tooth and nail to lose and my weight has crept up. So we agreed that I should call and request some labs to be sure I'm in the therapeutic range. If I'm not, I can eat nothing but lettuce and would probably not lose because my metabolism has almost ground to a halt. It's a very frustrating disease to have. However, if I have to suffer from a disease this one is much better than others.
I called my endo's office and requested lab work to be done. I was fully prepared with my arguments, reasons, and logic because I expected the resistance that I've found with other doctors in the past. Much to my surprise and delight, they immediately agreed to do the labs and asked to what facility I wanted the orders faxed. They called me back 2 hours later to let me know the orders had been faxed and I could go get it done any time I wanted. I did, and now I'm expecting a call tomorrow (Monday) with the results. If it shows I'm out of range, then we'll adjust meds and carry on. It will take a while for my body to adjust to the new dosage, so I don't expect any immediate results.
If my labs are fine, then when I meet with Jennifer again on Wednesday, we'll have to explore limiting my carbs at each meal to a certain number of grams. I do not want to do that. If I am presented with a situation/diet plan/eating plan - whatever - where I know "I can't have that," then guess what? I WANT TO HAVE THAT! I don't like the restricted diets and I mentally fight them every step of the way. It takes me back to when I tried to follow the Paleo way of eating, where you cannot have breads/pastas/etc. Knowing that I "couldn't" have them made me want them more. It was all I could think about and it drove me nuts. I do NOT want to live the rest of my life like that. It works for some, and that's fantastic for you. However, that's not how I wish to live. Life's too short to be miserable like that.
I'm hoping I just need a tweak in my meds and all will be well. I hope I find out tomorrow. Or at least by Tuesday!
On Thursday I was sick and had to miss my training session. I was so disappointed, but there was no way I could have worked out even if my life depended on it. I'm still fighting that sickness off and on, and I'm ready for it to go away. One minute I feel fine, and then suddenly I'm chilling and have a temp. Right now I feel great, but last night before I went to bed, I looked like I had the worst allergies ever. My eyes were red and watery and I couldn't stop sneezing and I felt like dirt. It's been like this since Wednesday, actually.
I can't wait to hit the gym tomorrow and get a good workout because yesterday I got some new running shoes! I've needed some but did not have the time or energy to go to Springfield to find some shoes. I've been fitted before and I know I have a neutral gait, but the choices are so overwhelming that I just put off finding some. I decided to try J C Penney's in Macomb, so I checked out their selection online. They had some Asics that looked attractive and were inexpensive (for running shoes). I did some research and they are for people with a neutral gait (ME!) and for low-mileage runners (ME!). Since I'm not able to actually RUN right now, I thought they were perfect. So I went and tried them on and they were good. I hate other shoes, but I love running shoes.
So that was my week-in-review! Right now I'm putting off a paper that I have to write and a website I need to review/write about. I guess I'd better get my butt in gear because time waits for no one.
Oh, I just wanted to add - one of the things that has been incredibly helpful for me to stay on track and make my food journals look so good for Jennifer is that I've planned all of my meals. I used to do it faithfully, but then got lazy. So I've been doing that for the last 3 weeks and it's been a HUGE help. If you are in this battle with me, start planning meals if you aren't already! If you already know that on Wednesday, you're having baked chicken, salad, and green beans - then you don't have to worry about figuring it out at 6:30 on Wednesday night when everyone is hangry (hungry+angry because they are hungry) and fall to the temptation of getting take out or fixing something that is fast, but less-than-healthy.
AND - I was almost moved to tears on Wednesday afternoon when my husband sent me an email and told me he wanted to get on board with me more than he has been. He said he stepped on the scale and didn't like the number that it showed, and he wants to change that. I cannot fully convey how happy and excited I was to see those words from him. He's always been supportive of me, but having him take this journey with me is even better. I'm just going to let him do his thing at his own pace and be there to cheer him on. He knows that if he wants more help, I'm here.
How has your week been? Is your family supportive of your healthy journey? How do you deal with those that aren't? Are you able to keep them out of your life? Do you have a good support system in place? I hope you all do. It makes a huge difference!
Starting out this week, I had to miss our 2nd Biggest Loser meeting because of the ice/snow storm on Monday. I was worried that I would be disqualified, but I emailed the lady in charge and she assured me that I would not be, as this was a legitimate reason to not be able to attend. If I lived right in Macomb, I would have been there.
On Tuesday, I met with Trainer Justin for my first actual workout with him. It was everything I had hoped for! We started with 20 minutes on the elliptical, which I abhor. I do it because it's one of the cardio machines that doesn't hurt my knee too bad, but I hate my time on it. He and I talked while I did it, so it made the time fly by. I need to have someone chat with me every time I have to use that hated machine!
Next we headed over to the training room for some back squats. I hadn't done those in a while, so I wasn't sure how it would go, but I gave it a try. I did some pretty light weights, but I could feel it in my knee a bit, so I didn't want to push it. After that, we did some straight-leg deadlifts, which were fun, but I can definitely do heavier than whatever I was doing.
We then had to go downstairs to the weight room for some leg extensions and hip abductors and adductors. The whole time he was really pushing me, which is what I love. He had his phone out to use the timer and made sure I only took 45 seconds to 1 minute rest between sets. Sometimes I sit and daydream and take a little longer, so it was good to have someone that stayed on top of that and kept me focused.
He offered to stretch with me or let me finish with some more cardio on the bike. I chose the bike. I hate stretching. I don't know why, but I absolutely abhor it. I know it would help and it's good for me and blah, blah, blah...but I still don't like it.
By the time I finished, I was soaked in sweat (LOVE) and my Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor showed that I had burned a little over 960 calories in 90 minutes. YES!
On Wednesday, I saw Jennifer, my HyVee dietitian. I told her about the gain I had last week, how it made me feel, etc. She reviewed my food journal and she could not figure out why I would have gained. She said that everything looked good, I was getting a good balance, and there was no reason why I should have gained. I felt good, knowing that she thought my food was pretty good. However that still doesn't explain why I'm not losing weight!
We talked about making sure I get enough water, so I made a mental goal for myself to drink at least ONE of my Casey's 33 oz bottles of water before I leave work every day. So far, so good. We also talked about my thyroid and how it may be contributing to this problem. My endocrinologist lowered my dosage of my meds in August. Since then, I've fought tooth and nail to lose and my weight has crept up. So we agreed that I should call and request some labs to be sure I'm in the therapeutic range. If I'm not, I can eat nothing but lettuce and would probably not lose because my metabolism has almost ground to a halt. It's a very frustrating disease to have. However, if I have to suffer from a disease this one is much better than others.
I called my endo's office and requested lab work to be done. I was fully prepared with my arguments, reasons, and logic because I expected the resistance that I've found with other doctors in the past. Much to my surprise and delight, they immediately agreed to do the labs and asked to what facility I wanted the orders faxed. They called me back 2 hours later to let me know the orders had been faxed and I could go get it done any time I wanted. I did, and now I'm expecting a call tomorrow (Monday) with the results. If it shows I'm out of range, then we'll adjust meds and carry on. It will take a while for my body to adjust to the new dosage, so I don't expect any immediate results.
If my labs are fine, then when I meet with Jennifer again on Wednesday, we'll have to explore limiting my carbs at each meal to a certain number of grams. I do not want to do that. If I am presented with a situation/diet plan/eating plan - whatever - where I know "I can't have that," then guess what? I WANT TO HAVE THAT! I don't like the restricted diets and I mentally fight them every step of the way. It takes me back to when I tried to follow the Paleo way of eating, where you cannot have breads/pastas/etc. Knowing that I "couldn't" have them made me want them more. It was all I could think about and it drove me nuts. I do NOT want to live the rest of my life like that. It works for some, and that's fantastic for you. However, that's not how I wish to live. Life's too short to be miserable like that.
I'm hoping I just need a tweak in my meds and all will be well. I hope I find out tomorrow. Or at least by Tuesday!
On Thursday I was sick and had to miss my training session. I was so disappointed, but there was no way I could have worked out even if my life depended on it. I'm still fighting that sickness off and on, and I'm ready for it to go away. One minute I feel fine, and then suddenly I'm chilling and have a temp. Right now I feel great, but last night before I went to bed, I looked like I had the worst allergies ever. My eyes were red and watery and I couldn't stop sneezing and I felt like dirt. It's been like this since Wednesday, actually.
I can't wait to hit the gym tomorrow and get a good workout because yesterday I got some new running shoes! I've needed some but did not have the time or energy to go to Springfield to find some shoes. I've been fitted before and I know I have a neutral gait, but the choices are so overwhelming that I just put off finding some. I decided to try J C Penney's in Macomb, so I checked out their selection online. They had some Asics that looked attractive and were inexpensive (for running shoes). I did some research and they are for people with a neutral gait (ME!) and for low-mileage runners (ME!). Since I'm not able to actually RUN right now, I thought they were perfect. So I went and tried them on and they were good. I hate other shoes, but I love running shoes.
So that was my week-in-review! Right now I'm putting off a paper that I have to write and a website I need to review/write about. I guess I'd better get my butt in gear because time waits for no one.
Oh, I just wanted to add - one of the things that has been incredibly helpful for me to stay on track and make my food journals look so good for Jennifer is that I've planned all of my meals. I used to do it faithfully, but then got lazy. So I've been doing that for the last 3 weeks and it's been a HUGE help. If you are in this battle with me, start planning meals if you aren't already! If you already know that on Wednesday, you're having baked chicken, salad, and green beans - then you don't have to worry about figuring it out at 6:30 on Wednesday night when everyone is hangry (hungry+angry because they are hungry) and fall to the temptation of getting take out or fixing something that is fast, but less-than-healthy.
AND - I was almost moved to tears on Wednesday afternoon when my husband sent me an email and told me he wanted to get on board with me more than he has been. He said he stepped on the scale and didn't like the number that it showed, and he wants to change that. I cannot fully convey how happy and excited I was to see those words from him. He's always been supportive of me, but having him take this journey with me is even better. I'm just going to let him do his thing at his own pace and be there to cheer him on. He knows that if he wants more help, I'm here.
How has your week been? Is your family supportive of your healthy journey? How do you deal with those that aren't? Are you able to keep them out of your life? Do you have a good support system in place? I hope you all do. It makes a huge difference!
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Let's Play Catch Up!
I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. I had the intention but time just got away from me. To catch you all up, here we go...
Last Saturday, my weight stayed exactly the same as it has for the previous two weeks. Blah. But always better than a gain! My workouts hadn't been there because I was not able to go to the gym due to the weather and/or school closures.
I was supposed to have met with my HyVee dietitian on Wednesday, February 5, but she canceled due to the blowing/drifting snow. We rescheduled for Wednesday, February 12.
On Monday, February 10, I met with my Biggest Loser group for the first time. It was kind of hard because the meeting wasn't until 7:30p. I usually get done working out around 6:30 or so and head home, so I had to stick around for another hour, and then attend the meeting. It made for a VERY exhausting day, and I will have those for the next several weeks. BUT - I am ready to make that sacrifice. I have chosen to do so to better my health for myself and my loved ones. I'm not complaining.
Our first meeting consisted of going over the "rules" and what we could expect. Basically, if we miss a Monday meeting, we are disqualified. That kind of worries me, but hopefully the weather will cooperate and I won't have to choose between my health goals and my safety (safety will always win). We were assigned a personal trainer and will meet with him twice a week. There is also a nutrition coach that we will meet with 3x throughout the competition. I did ask her if I should suspend my HyVee meetings for the duration, but she encouraged me to continue. I didn't want conflicting info, but she said since she is still a student, she would only support what HyVee lady (Jennifer) tells me. Some Mondays we will have group exercise, sometimes we will have speakers. Whoever loses the most percentage of weight, inches, etc. will be crowned the winner, with prizes still being determined. While my competitive side wants to win, my logical side is in this more for the experience, support, and knowledge I can gain. This is set up for students, and although I AM a student, I'm sure they would prefer a full-time student wins. That doesn't mean I'm going to roll over and LET them win, though! haha
On Tuesday, I met with my trainer, Justin, for the first time for my fitness assessment. First, I had to go get weighed. Then he took my blood pressure in both arms (it was good), my resting pulse, measurements, etc. Then I did a 3 minute step test. I was worried my knee wouldn't let me do it, but it was fine. He played a beat on a metronome and I just had to step, step, step, step with each beat. Very easy, but I was a little out of breath by the end. He then took my elevated pulse. Next, I laid on a mat and had to do crunches. My fingers had to start at one piece of tape on the mat, and when I "crunched" my fingers had to touch another piece of tape. I had to do those until I couldn't any longer. I started and kept going...and going...and going...until he finally told me to stop. I had done 60. He consulted a chart was amazed/impressed. He said it only went up to 40, so I was "off the charts." I could tell he didn't expect that out of a overweight, middle-aged mom. HA!
I wasn't done surprising him, though. The final part of the assessment was doing push ups. I had to do as many as I could in 1 minute. I knew I wouldn't be so great at this because I've lost so much upper body strength. I was able to do 20. He consulted his chart and announced that that was "above average." He was pleased/surprised with that, too.
I had a couple more surprises for him though. We talked about my goals and what I liked to do in the gym. He was very excited when I told him that the deadlift was my very favorite lift in the world. He was also happy to know that I had experience with lots of different weight lifting techniques/moves, which gives him more time to WORK me, than to have to teach me how to do things. We discussed the knee issues and I promised him that if something hurt in a bad way, I would tell him and not try to play the hero. We will be meeting on Tuesdays/Thursdays for my workouts. I can't wait!
Wednesday was Lincoln's birthday and the University was closed. I didn't want to waste my day off doing nothing, so I went to Macomb any way and met with Jennifer, did a workout, and met with Emily, the nutrition coach. I turned in a 2-week food diary to Jennifer and she was overall pleased with what I'm eating. She had a few suggestions for me to try and I've done exactly what she's asked. One of them was cutting down my Diet Dew consumption. I have one in the morning and one in the evening. My other drinks are water. So we cut the evening Dew. Because I still wanted a carbonated drink, she showed me some sparkling waters. I tried them and they weren't bad. I expressed a concern about switching one chemical-laden drink for another, but she reassured me that the sparkling water was ok, and the chemicals in it were better than in Dew. Eventually, perhaps I will completely rid myself of soda. We shall see.
Another suggestion was to replace some of my whole eggs that I have for breakfast with egg substitute. I've done it, but I'm not entirely embracing it yet. We also talked about snacks and how it IS ok to have a healthy snack if I am hungry between meals. I have plenty of ammo in my desk/fridge at work, so I'm good to go there. I just need to take the time to actually EAT them.
I had also taken the time to plan out all of our evening meals this week. Something I've gotten lazy about doing. All in all, last week I worked really hard in the gym and in the kitchen. I was really excited to step on the scale yesterday morning to see how much all of this work had paid off. I was absolutely crushed to see I had gained 3 pounds. I'm not going to lie, I cried. My spirit was broken and I felt so betrayed by my body. I did what I was supposed to do and it didn't work. My inner spoiled child wanted to throw in the towel, eat whatever I wanted and gain a bunch of weight, and then go have gastric bypass (I would qualify if my BMI were a little higher - right now I do not qualify because I have no co-existing conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.). Thankfully, my inner adult did not allow that to happen. I sent a couple of rant emails to my trusted friends, and talked to my husband about it. He was as puzzled as me. We have no idea, but I'm going to continue putting one foot in front of the other and continuing on my journey. Yesterday was a dark day, I'll admit, but it's going to be ok.
I was the weight recorder for our TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) group in town for 11 years, and I would always tell the people I weighed to not let that number define them or control their emotions. I needed to listen to my own advice yesterday, but it's very hard when you feel like you've done everything right and you're met with failure. And it's super frustrating knowing that there are people who can say, "I quit drinking Pepsi for a week and I lost 10 lbs!" or "I worked out for 10 minutes this week, ate at Burger King every day, and I still lost 5 lbs!" Ughhhhhh...I want to punch those people. I'm sorry, but I do! By just typing the words "Pepsi" and "Burger King" I probably gained 6 lbs.
This will be another busy week with Biggest Loser meeting tomorrow night, training on Tuesday and Thursday, plus regular workouts on the other days, and somewhere in there I need to do homework. It will be worth it in the end. I'M READY!
Last Saturday, my weight stayed exactly the same as it has for the previous two weeks. Blah. But always better than a gain! My workouts hadn't been there because I was not able to go to the gym due to the weather and/or school closures.
I was supposed to have met with my HyVee dietitian on Wednesday, February 5, but she canceled due to the blowing/drifting snow. We rescheduled for Wednesday, February 12.
On Monday, February 10, I met with my Biggest Loser group for the first time. It was kind of hard because the meeting wasn't until 7:30p. I usually get done working out around 6:30 or so and head home, so I had to stick around for another hour, and then attend the meeting. It made for a VERY exhausting day, and I will have those for the next several weeks. BUT - I am ready to make that sacrifice. I have chosen to do so to better my health for myself and my loved ones. I'm not complaining.
Our first meeting consisted of going over the "rules" and what we could expect. Basically, if we miss a Monday meeting, we are disqualified. That kind of worries me, but hopefully the weather will cooperate and I won't have to choose between my health goals and my safety (safety will always win). We were assigned a personal trainer and will meet with him twice a week. There is also a nutrition coach that we will meet with 3x throughout the competition. I did ask her if I should suspend my HyVee meetings for the duration, but she encouraged me to continue. I didn't want conflicting info, but she said since she is still a student, she would only support what HyVee lady (Jennifer) tells me. Some Mondays we will have group exercise, sometimes we will have speakers. Whoever loses the most percentage of weight, inches, etc. will be crowned the winner, with prizes still being determined. While my competitive side wants to win, my logical side is in this more for the experience, support, and knowledge I can gain. This is set up for students, and although I AM a student, I'm sure they would prefer a full-time student wins. That doesn't mean I'm going to roll over and LET them win, though! haha
On Tuesday, I met with my trainer, Justin, for the first time for my fitness assessment. First, I had to go get weighed. Then he took my blood pressure in both arms (it was good), my resting pulse, measurements, etc. Then I did a 3 minute step test. I was worried my knee wouldn't let me do it, but it was fine. He played a beat on a metronome and I just had to step, step, step, step with each beat. Very easy, but I was a little out of breath by the end. He then took my elevated pulse. Next, I laid on a mat and had to do crunches. My fingers had to start at one piece of tape on the mat, and when I "crunched" my fingers had to touch another piece of tape. I had to do those until I couldn't any longer. I started and kept going...and going...and going...until he finally told me to stop. I had done 60. He consulted a chart was amazed/impressed. He said it only went up to 40, so I was "off the charts." I could tell he didn't expect that out of a overweight, middle-aged mom. HA!
I wasn't done surprising him, though. The final part of the assessment was doing push ups. I had to do as many as I could in 1 minute. I knew I wouldn't be so great at this because I've lost so much upper body strength. I was able to do 20. He consulted his chart and announced that that was "above average." He was pleased/surprised with that, too.
I had a couple more surprises for him though. We talked about my goals and what I liked to do in the gym. He was very excited when I told him that the deadlift was my very favorite lift in the world. He was also happy to know that I had experience with lots of different weight lifting techniques/moves, which gives him more time to WORK me, than to have to teach me how to do things. We discussed the knee issues and I promised him that if something hurt in a bad way, I would tell him and not try to play the hero. We will be meeting on Tuesdays/Thursdays for my workouts. I can't wait!
Wednesday was Lincoln's birthday and the University was closed. I didn't want to waste my day off doing nothing, so I went to Macomb any way and met with Jennifer, did a workout, and met with Emily, the nutrition coach. I turned in a 2-week food diary to Jennifer and she was overall pleased with what I'm eating. She had a few suggestions for me to try and I've done exactly what she's asked. One of them was cutting down my Diet Dew consumption. I have one in the morning and one in the evening. My other drinks are water. So we cut the evening Dew. Because I still wanted a carbonated drink, she showed me some sparkling waters. I tried them and they weren't bad. I expressed a concern about switching one chemical-laden drink for another, but she reassured me that the sparkling water was ok, and the chemicals in it were better than in Dew. Eventually, perhaps I will completely rid myself of soda. We shall see.
Another suggestion was to replace some of my whole eggs that I have for breakfast with egg substitute. I've done it, but I'm not entirely embracing it yet. We also talked about snacks and how it IS ok to have a healthy snack if I am hungry between meals. I have plenty of ammo in my desk/fridge at work, so I'm good to go there. I just need to take the time to actually EAT them.
I had also taken the time to plan out all of our evening meals this week. Something I've gotten lazy about doing. All in all, last week I worked really hard in the gym and in the kitchen. I was really excited to step on the scale yesterday morning to see how much all of this work had paid off. I was absolutely crushed to see I had gained 3 pounds. I'm not going to lie, I cried. My spirit was broken and I felt so betrayed by my body. I did what I was supposed to do and it didn't work. My inner spoiled child wanted to throw in the towel, eat whatever I wanted and gain a bunch of weight, and then go have gastric bypass (I would qualify if my BMI were a little higher - right now I do not qualify because I have no co-existing conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.). Thankfully, my inner adult did not allow that to happen. I sent a couple of rant emails to my trusted friends, and talked to my husband about it. He was as puzzled as me. We have no idea, but I'm going to continue putting one foot in front of the other and continuing on my journey. Yesterday was a dark day, I'll admit, but it's going to be ok.
I was the weight recorder for our TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) group in town for 11 years, and I would always tell the people I weighed to not let that number define them or control their emotions. I needed to listen to my own advice yesterday, but it's very hard when you feel like you've done everything right and you're met with failure. And it's super frustrating knowing that there are people who can say, "I quit drinking Pepsi for a week and I lost 10 lbs!" or "I worked out for 10 minutes this week, ate at Burger King every day, and I still lost 5 lbs!" Ughhhhhh...I want to punch those people. I'm sorry, but I do! By just typing the words "Pepsi" and "Burger King" I probably gained 6 lbs.
This will be another busy week with Biggest Loser meeting tomorrow night, training on Tuesday and Thursday, plus regular workouts on the other days, and somewhere in there I need to do homework. It will be worth it in the end. I'M READY!
Monday, February 3, 2014
An Answer to My Questions -- Already!
Late last night I was struck with inspiration to post my post of questions. They were all good, valid questions and ones that I need to be asking myself on this journey.
This morning, I emailed a friend to show her how I'm progressing on my journey, and felt rather proud, thinking I was really showing some personal growth by asking myself these questions. She, in turn, emailed me back with some questions of her own for me:
What if you start living the life you want to live rather than just dreaming about it?
What if you start liking the fact that you are eating healthy and the way it makes you feel?
What if you start believing in yourself as much as those around you do?
What if you start today?
Uh, what? T-t-t-today? But...but...but...I have the questions...to think about...for a while... I don't have on the right pants. My hair is all wrong. I need new shoes. My socks are too tight. My underwear feel funny. When I move my elbow like this, it hurts. It's supposed to snow. The sun is too bright. It's too cold. There are too many people at the gym and they get on my nerves with all their exercising! It's not the 1st of the month. It's not the RIGHT Monday. The moon is not in the right phase. My cat might get a hairball. My dog "killed" his chew toy and we're all very upset.
Oh, wait. Those all sound like excuses, don't they? And dumb ones at that.
So I had a quick review of why I CAN start today:
- I had already eaten a healthy breakfast.
- I had already prepared and brought with me a healthy lunch.
- I had already stocked my desk/office with healthy snacks, in case I got hungry.
- I had already packed my gym bag, it was in my car, and I was planning to workout after work.
- I just had to email my husband and inform him that I would have a healthy dinner, and he and the boys could have what I have or they could forage for themselves.
Hey... I CAN START TODAY!
And so I did. Day One is now done. I'll be ready for Day Two tomorrow. And I'll just keep taking this week one day at a time.
What if YOU start today, if you haven't already? And I mean really, really start and try super hard. Are you in? Let's see what we can do!
This morning, I emailed a friend to show her how I'm progressing on my journey, and felt rather proud, thinking I was really showing some personal growth by asking myself these questions. She, in turn, emailed me back with some questions of her own for me:
What if you start living the life you want to live rather than just dreaming about it?
What if you start liking the fact that you are eating healthy and the way it makes you feel?
What if you start believing in yourself as much as those around you do?
What if you start today?
Uh, what? T-t-t-today? But...but...but...I have the questions...to think about...for a while... I don't have on the right pants. My hair is all wrong. I need new shoes. My socks are too tight. My underwear feel funny. When I move my elbow like this, it hurts. It's supposed to snow. The sun is too bright. It's too cold. There are too many people at the gym and they get on my nerves with all their exercising! It's not the 1st of the month. It's not the RIGHT Monday. The moon is not in the right phase. My cat might get a hairball. My dog "killed" his chew toy and we're all very upset.
Oh, wait. Those all sound like excuses, don't they? And dumb ones at that.
So I had a quick review of why I CAN start today:
- I had already eaten a healthy breakfast.
- I had already prepared and brought with me a healthy lunch.
- I had already stocked my desk/office with healthy snacks, in case I got hungry.
- I had already packed my gym bag, it was in my car, and I was planning to workout after work.
- I just had to email my husband and inform him that I would have a healthy dinner, and he and the boys could have what I have or they could forage for themselves.
Hey... I CAN START TODAY!
And so I did. Day One is now done. I'll be ready for Day Two tomorrow. And I'll just keep taking this week one day at a time.
What if YOU start today, if you haven't already? And I mean really, really start and try super hard. Are you in? Let's see what we can do!
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Questions, questions, questions
Dear Angie:
I have some questions for you and I want you to really, really think about them.
What if you gave this journey your all?
What if you worked as hard at all aspects of it as you do in the gym?
What if you put a ton of effort into planning your meals and snacks?
What if you started to learn to cook other foods?
What if you tried something new?
What if you didn't like it?
What if you did?
What if you stopped wasting time on Facebook and Reddit?
What if you missed a post or two or even more?
Would the world continue to spin?
Would your life be worse?
Could it be better?
What if you really tried as hard as you could?
What if you failed?
What if you succeeded?
How would you feel if you were more healthy?
What could go wrong?
What could go right?
What if it was as awesome as you imagine and you've been missing it all this time?
What if a healthy lifestyle was the best thing that ever happened to you?
What if you could look in a mirror and be proud of what you see instead of ashamed?
What if you could walk into a room and not immediately check to see if you are the biggest?
What if you actually looked like you spent time in the gym?
What if you could be a runner?
What if you could wear the cute clothes on the "regular" side of the store?
What if you could wow your high school friends with some incredible results?
What if you made your family proud of you?
What if you inspired them to make a change?
What if you started to enjoy going out instead of hiding at home?
What if you made this work and it changed your life for the better?
What if you made all of your hopes and dreams come true?
What are you waiting for?
Love,
me
I have some questions for you and I want you to really, really think about them.
What if you gave this journey your all?
What if you worked as hard at all aspects of it as you do in the gym?
What if you put a ton of effort into planning your meals and snacks?
What if you started to learn to cook other foods?
What if you tried something new?
What if you didn't like it?
What if you did?
What if you stopped wasting time on Facebook and Reddit?
What if you missed a post or two or even more?
Would the world continue to spin?
Would your life be worse?
Could it be better?
What if you really tried as hard as you could?
What if you failed?
What if you succeeded?
How would you feel if you were more healthy?
What could go wrong?
What could go right?
What if it was as awesome as you imagine and you've been missing it all this time?
What if a healthy lifestyle was the best thing that ever happened to you?
What if you could look in a mirror and be proud of what you see instead of ashamed?
What if you could walk into a room and not immediately check to see if you are the biggest?
What if you actually looked like you spent time in the gym?
What if you could be a runner?
What if you could wear the cute clothes on the "regular" side of the store?
What if you could wow your high school friends with some incredible results?
What if you made your family proud of you?
What if you inspired them to make a change?
What if you started to enjoy going out instead of hiding at home?
What if you made this work and it changed your life for the better?
What if you made all of your hopes and dreams come true?
What are you waiting for?
Love,
me
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Dietitian Review and Weigh In
I was happy to step on the scales this morning and record a loss of 1 lb. This is really great in light of the fact that I have not set foot in the gym at all this week. On Monday, the University was closed due to ridiculous cold. Tuesday I was sick and had a doctor's appointment. Wednesday, I had my appointment with the dietitian. Thursday I was still sick (sinus infection...the pressure makes my head feel like it's going to explode), and Friday I was sent home by my office girls because it was snowing and was supposed to get bad. But I still managed to drop a pound! YAY!
On Tuesday, as I said, I had an appointment with my doctor to make sure I was clear to participate in the Biggest Loser program. He gave me two thumbs up, without question. My blood pressure was excellent and he said my heart and lungs sounded fantastic. My only issue was the stupid sinus infection, which I've kind of been fighting off and on since January 1. I've been on an antibiotic since Tuesday and I'm STILL waiting for it to kick in.
Wednesday I finally got to meet with the HyVee dietitian, Jennifer. I felt like I was talking to a friend. We spent about 20 minutes talking about what I've tried in the past, what I'm currently doing, and what I want to do. She took me around the store for about 30+ minutes and showed me some different products and gave me ideas on how to combine them for meals. I thought she would be pushing veggies, veggies, veggies, but she really didn't. She showed me some frozen meals, which really surprised me because I've always been told to stay away from the frozen meals because of the sodium content. When I questioned that, she said the particular ones she showed me met the acceptable levels for sodium. I wish I could remember which brand, but I don't. If I see them, I'll know them! When I got home, I thought that I should have taken my phone with me and taken pics of all the foods. That would have been helpful! Hindsight...
So my assignment for this week is to keep a food journal in writing. I will turn it in to her next Wednesday (unless we have the massive snow that they are predicting...) and we'll go over what I ate. She will comment on what can be improved and what is going well. And from there, we'll make small changes each week or two weeks until I'm heading down the right path. I like that. I did not want someone to hand me a list of foods and say, "Here. Eat this stuff, and don't eat anything else and you're cured." No, that does not work. I've been through that before.
Since this is the 1st of February, I should review some of my stats for January. I created a spreadsheet to track weight and miles (bike, elliptical, walking). According to said spreadsheet, I have gained 2 lbs since January 1**. That is not very impressive. I have walked/biked/ellipticaled 92.82 miles. I was really hoping to hit 100, but I'm not going to stress it. It would have easily happened had I been able to get to the gym this week.
Goals for February:
**Edited: I just checked my stats again. I did NOT gain 2 lbs in January. I stayed the same. My weight at the beginning of the month was the same as my weight this morning. Oops! I like that a little better...but not much.
On Tuesday, as I said, I had an appointment with my doctor to make sure I was clear to participate in the Biggest Loser program. He gave me two thumbs up, without question. My blood pressure was excellent and he said my heart and lungs sounded fantastic. My only issue was the stupid sinus infection, which I've kind of been fighting off and on since January 1. I've been on an antibiotic since Tuesday and I'm STILL waiting for it to kick in.
Wednesday I finally got to meet with the HyVee dietitian, Jennifer. I felt like I was talking to a friend. We spent about 20 minutes talking about what I've tried in the past, what I'm currently doing, and what I want to do. She took me around the store for about 30+ minutes and showed me some different products and gave me ideas on how to combine them for meals. I thought she would be pushing veggies, veggies, veggies, but she really didn't. She showed me some frozen meals, which really surprised me because I've always been told to stay away from the frozen meals because of the sodium content. When I questioned that, she said the particular ones she showed me met the acceptable levels for sodium. I wish I could remember which brand, but I don't. If I see them, I'll know them! When I got home, I thought that I should have taken my phone with me and taken pics of all the foods. That would have been helpful! Hindsight...
So my assignment for this week is to keep a food journal in writing. I will turn it in to her next Wednesday (unless we have the massive snow that they are predicting...) and we'll go over what I ate. She will comment on what can be improved and what is going well. And from there, we'll make small changes each week or two weeks until I'm heading down the right path. I like that. I did not want someone to hand me a list of foods and say, "Here. Eat this stuff, and don't eat anything else and you're cured." No, that does not work. I've been through that before.
Since this is the 1st of February, I should review some of my stats for January. I created a spreadsheet to track weight and miles (bike, elliptical, walking). According to said spreadsheet, I have gained 2 lbs since January 1**. That is not very impressive. I have walked/biked/ellipticaled 92.82 miles. I was really hoping to hit 100, but I'm not going to stress it. It would have easily happened had I been able to get to the gym this week.
Goals for February:
- Lose 5 lbs
- Run/Walk/Elliptical 100 miles
- Kick butt in the Biggest Loser program
- Start working on getting rid of Diet Mt Dew
- Try ONE new recipe or ONE new veggie
**Edited: I just checked my stats again. I did NOT gain 2 lbs in January. I stayed the same. My weight at the beginning of the month was the same as my weight this morning. Oops! I like that a little better...but not much.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Weekly weigh in and exciting things to come!
So the scale stayed the same as last week. At face value, that's rather disappointing, but digging a little deeper...it's actually a good thing (in my best Martha Stewart voice). Last weekend I spent some time self-sabotaging and the weight went up, up, up. I was actually up 3 MORE pounds by mid-week, so to be back where I started is ok with me.
I've been trying to surround myself with positive, motivational stuff. Whether it's a great Facebook page, an inspirational blog, or the reddit pages my little brother has shared with me (thanks Andy!). Many of them talk about "hard work," of course. I always felt I was working hard and doing what I can because I will work my butt off in the gym, and then some. The other night as I was driving home, I was thinking about "hard work" and what it meant. I came to the rather difficult realization that I'm NOT working hard...at least in a well-rounded way.
I give my all at the gym. Whether I'm lifting or doing cardio, I'm working up a sweat and giving 110%. If time were not a factor, I could easily spend a couple of hours working up a sweat at the gym. Ok, I've got the exercise part of the equation down. There is no doubt about that. Once I get this knee fixed again, I hope to crank that stuff back up again. But we'll see.
We all know the other part of the weight loss equation, and that is nutrition/food/eating. And here is where I have consistently fallen down for years. If you do not believe that weight loss is 70-80% nutrition and 20-30% exercise, message me and I can fill you in. I am the poster child for proving that is true. I. Am. A. Food. Addict. I'm not a binge eater, but I am addicted to food and there are certain ones that I just cannot resist.
Which leads to the thoughts I was having as I was driving home. Weight loss/lifestyle change/whatever you wish to label this journey...takes hard work. I'm only doing half of that work, so I'm NOT doing hard work. I'm doing half-way work. Medium work. Mediocre work.
What?!?!?!
What about all the sweat and tears I've given in the gym? What about all the pain I've put my body through with my workouts? What about the injuries? What about all the TIME I've invested at the gym?
I'm not saying that was not worth it, nor was it meaningless. My blood pressure is great and I have no real health problems. I'm way more healthy than I appear on the surface. So it was all worth it and will continue to be worth it.
But I'm not giving the full effort in the kitchen that I've been giving in the gym. Those two side of the equation have to balance or success will NOT be the answer. And by success, I mean weight loss. The food part of this journey has got to change. To do that, I'm going to have to step outside of my comfort zone and try some new foods, new spices, new methods of cooking, etc. I've had this thought in the past, but I've managed to quash it down and ignore it. It's time to bring that thought out to the open, take a good hard look at it, poke it, prod it, and figure out how to implement it. There is no other way. I've tried them all, so I know!
First step in this direction is to meet with Jennifer, the dietitian at the Macomb Hy-Vee store. I have an appointment with on Wednesday after work. I'm hoping she can give me some guidance, suggestions, and ideas on how to get my plan started. I know, from my friend's experience with her, that she will take me around the store and give me suggestions on things to do with various foods and how to bring them together to create something good.
I need that because I do not know how to combine foods. I'm ignorant when it comes to spices other than salt and pepper. But I've been AFRAID to try anything for fear of failing. I've let that fear paralyze me and keep me in this blasted rut for years! I'M TIRED OF THIS RUT AND I WANT OUT!
Another step in that direction will be research. Great recipes and food ideas are not going to fall from the heavens and land in my lap. Although I love Food Network, they do not have a show (yet) called, "Hey Angie! Let Us Cook You Some Delicious Food So You Don't Have To Think About It!" (This idea is MY property and if you steal it and pitch it to Food Network and make a trazillion dollars I will hunt you down and cut holes in your socks and I will also think bad thoughts about you.) So instead of wasting time waiting for Facebook to update, or playing Candy Crush, or any of the other timewasting methods I employ on weekends, I need to spend time scouring the internet, cookbooks, blogs, etc for food ideas. Pinterest is a wonderful place to "store" things you've found on the internet. I should put it to better use than for storing pictures of funny cats and witty quotes. Huh. Novel idea there, eh?
Ok, so I'm working on the food thing. And that's also a good thing (see 1st paragraph regarding how that should sound).
Yet another step I'm taking to move this journey along is I took a risk and applied for a spot in the Biggest Loser Competition that the Campus Rec Center is hosting. They only pick 10 applicants to work with. Well, there were only 5 applicants (so far) and I'm in. I'm sad that more people didn't apply because it's a great opportunity. There will be a weekly meeting and I'll get to work with a personal trainer (student) at least once a week for an hour workout. I'm always up for learning new things, so this excites me. I hope we get some more applicants so we have a bigger group for the weekly support meetings. But if not, I'm going to take these people down and leave them in my dust (except for my friend, KW, who Imade convinced to sign up with me). I want to WIN, dang it!
Change is hard, though, so I'm not trying to make myself do this overnight. My inclination is to do just that, but I know it will just make me mad/frustrated/irritated/upset and I'll withdraw and quit. Been there, done that! So I'm just trying to be more mindful of what I'm eating - and how much - for now. We've all heard it said: food is fuel. If I choose the foods that make my body happy, my body will do amazing things for me. I've never given it that opportunity because I've never been able to give up the junk. I'm not saying I will never, ever, ever, ever eat "junk" food again, but I am saying it's presence on my food logs needs to be greatly reduced.
I can do this. I've gone through harder changes in my life. And it will only be hard for a little while. Once we get used to new habits, they start to seem easy. I've just got to get to that point without quitting as I have before!
I've been trying to surround myself with positive, motivational stuff. Whether it's a great Facebook page, an inspirational blog, or the reddit pages my little brother has shared with me (thanks Andy!). Many of them talk about "hard work," of course. I always felt I was working hard and doing what I can because I will work my butt off in the gym, and then some. The other night as I was driving home, I was thinking about "hard work" and what it meant. I came to the rather difficult realization that I'm NOT working hard...at least in a well-rounded way.
I give my all at the gym. Whether I'm lifting or doing cardio, I'm working up a sweat and giving 110%. If time were not a factor, I could easily spend a couple of hours working up a sweat at the gym. Ok, I've got the exercise part of the equation down. There is no doubt about that. Once I get this knee fixed again, I hope to crank that stuff back up again. But we'll see.
We all know the other part of the weight loss equation, and that is nutrition/food/eating. And here is where I have consistently fallen down for years. If you do not believe that weight loss is 70-80% nutrition and 20-30% exercise, message me and I can fill you in. I am the poster child for proving that is true. I. Am. A. Food. Addict. I'm not a binge eater, but I am addicted to food and there are certain ones that I just cannot resist.
Which leads to the thoughts I was having as I was driving home. Weight loss/lifestyle change/whatever you wish to label this journey...takes hard work. I'm only doing half of that work, so I'm NOT doing hard work. I'm doing half-way work. Medium work. Mediocre work.
What?!?!?!
What about all the sweat and tears I've given in the gym? What about all the pain I've put my body through with my workouts? What about the injuries? What about all the TIME I've invested at the gym?
I'm not saying that was not worth it, nor was it meaningless. My blood pressure is great and I have no real health problems. I'm way more healthy than I appear on the surface. So it was all worth it and will continue to be worth it.
But I'm not giving the full effort in the kitchen that I've been giving in the gym. Those two side of the equation have to balance or success will NOT be the answer. And by success, I mean weight loss. The food part of this journey has got to change. To do that, I'm going to have to step outside of my comfort zone and try some new foods, new spices, new methods of cooking, etc. I've had this thought in the past, but I've managed to quash it down and ignore it. It's time to bring that thought out to the open, take a good hard look at it, poke it, prod it, and figure out how to implement it. There is no other way. I've tried them all, so I know!
First step in this direction is to meet with Jennifer, the dietitian at the Macomb Hy-Vee store. I have an appointment with on Wednesday after work. I'm hoping she can give me some guidance, suggestions, and ideas on how to get my plan started. I know, from my friend's experience with her, that she will take me around the store and give me suggestions on things to do with various foods and how to bring them together to create something good.
I need that because I do not know how to combine foods. I'm ignorant when it comes to spices other than salt and pepper. But I've been AFRAID to try anything for fear of failing. I've let that fear paralyze me and keep me in this blasted rut for years! I'M TIRED OF THIS RUT AND I WANT OUT!
Another step in that direction will be research. Great recipes and food ideas are not going to fall from the heavens and land in my lap. Although I love Food Network, they do not have a show (yet) called, "Hey Angie! Let Us Cook You Some Delicious Food So You Don't Have To Think About It!" (This idea is MY property and if you steal it and pitch it to Food Network and make a trazillion dollars I will hunt you down and cut holes in your socks and I will also think bad thoughts about you.) So instead of wasting time waiting for Facebook to update, or playing Candy Crush, or any of the other timewasting methods I employ on weekends, I need to spend time scouring the internet, cookbooks, blogs, etc for food ideas. Pinterest is a wonderful place to "store" things you've found on the internet. I should put it to better use than for storing pictures of funny cats and witty quotes. Huh. Novel idea there, eh?
Ok, so I'm working on the food thing. And that's also a good thing (see 1st paragraph regarding how that should sound).
Yet another step I'm taking to move this journey along is I took a risk and applied for a spot in the Biggest Loser Competition that the Campus Rec Center is hosting. They only pick 10 applicants to work with. Well, there were only 5 applicants (so far) and I'm in. I'm sad that more people didn't apply because it's a great opportunity. There will be a weekly meeting and I'll get to work with a personal trainer (student) at least once a week for an hour workout. I'm always up for learning new things, so this excites me. I hope we get some more applicants so we have a bigger group for the weekly support meetings. But if not, I'm going to take these people down and leave them in my dust (except for my friend, KW, who I
Change is hard, though, so I'm not trying to make myself do this overnight. My inclination is to do just that, but I know it will just make me mad/frustrated/irritated/upset and I'll withdraw and quit. Been there, done that! So I'm just trying to be more mindful of what I'm eating - and how much - for now. We've all heard it said: food is fuel. If I choose the foods that make my body happy, my body will do amazing things for me. I've never given it that opportunity because I've never been able to give up the junk. I'm not saying I will never, ever, ever, ever eat "junk" food again, but I am saying it's presence on my food logs needs to be greatly reduced.
I can do this. I've gone through harder changes in my life. And it will only be hard for a little while. Once we get used to new habits, they start to seem easy. I've just got to get to that point without quitting as I have before!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Weigh in and set back
I was up 3 lbs this morning. It's really upsetting to see a gain, knowing I've worked so hard this week. I went to the gym 4 nights and burned at least 500 calories or more with every workout. I've eaten pretty decent and I've logged every single bite that went into my mouth. I have resisted a stupid bowl of caramel Kisses that sits less than 2 feet from my desk every single day. Yesterday I ate the lunch I had prepared at home instead of ordering out with the girls at work. And my body repays me by showing there's 3 more pounds of me to love and adore? Ughhhhh...I could do without that kind of humor, body.
So my first reaction to this is anger. And as an emotional eater, I want to soothe my feelings with food. ALL. THE. FOOD. So I let the feeling stew for a bit and explored it and poked at it. I feel angry because my body seems to be betraying me. I don't understand why my body does this, but this is not the first time I've had this happen.
I'm also angry because I know some may see/read/hear this and think, "Well obviously she must have been pigging out and lying about it." I have been guilty of this type of behavior and then feigning surprise when I gained, but this is not one of those times. But people will think what they want and we'll all go on with our lives.
Now that the anger has subsided and I'm not in danger of eating all the food (you're welcome), I've got to come up with a plan to figure this out and to help me. I'm tired of having this experience! Right now my plan is to continue to do what I've been doing. I'm going to eat as healthy as I am able, workout as much as I am able, and track everything with MyFitnessPal (as I have been). I think it's also time to consult a dietitian and see what light she can shed on the situation.
As soon as I publish this, I'm going to email Jennifer, my local HyVee dietitian and see when we can start meeting. She has a deal where I can meet with her for 10 sessions for $60. I've spent a lot of money on stupid weight loss gimmicks over the years, so maybe it's time to stop paying for magic solutions that do nothing and spend a little on something that will actually help. Now there's a novel concept!
How do you deal with an unexpected gain? Do you let it derail you completely or do you fight back? I'm planning to fight back and I sincerely hope that my next weigh in report is a great one!
So my first reaction to this is anger. And as an emotional eater, I want to soothe my feelings with food. ALL. THE. FOOD. So I let the feeling stew for a bit and explored it and poked at it. I feel angry because my body seems to be betraying me. I don't understand why my body does this, but this is not the first time I've had this happen.
I'm also angry because I know some may see/read/hear this and think, "Well obviously she must have been pigging out and lying about it." I have been guilty of this type of behavior and then feigning surprise when I gained, but this is not one of those times. But people will think what they want and we'll all go on with our lives.
Now that the anger has subsided and I'm not in danger of eating all the food (you're welcome), I've got to come up with a plan to figure this out and to help me. I'm tired of having this experience! Right now my plan is to continue to do what I've been doing. I'm going to eat as healthy as I am able, workout as much as I am able, and track everything with MyFitnessPal (as I have been). I think it's also time to consult a dietitian and see what light she can shed on the situation.
As soon as I publish this, I'm going to email Jennifer, my local HyVee dietitian and see when we can start meeting. She has a deal where I can meet with her for 10 sessions for $60. I've spent a lot of money on stupid weight loss gimmicks over the years, so maybe it's time to stop paying for magic solutions that do nothing and spend a little on something that will actually help. Now there's a novel concept!
How do you deal with an unexpected gain? Do you let it derail you completely or do you fight back? I'm planning to fight back and I sincerely hope that my next weigh in report is a great one!
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Weigh in and Week In Review
I am pleased that I've lost another pound as of today. I would be lying if I said that I'm thrilled with it, because I was naturally hoping for more, but it's better than a gain. So I now have 5 lbs to go this month to hit the goal I set for myself. I will need to pick up the pace if that's going to happen!
This week was kind of crazy because we got hit with a bunch of snow and freezing cold temps. It was -15 below, but with the windchill it was "feeling like" -40+ below in areas. On Monday, the University was closed, so I got another day off. My youngest son was supposed to go back to school, but they closed, too. On Tuesday, his school closed for the 2nd day, but WIU opened at noon. That was a weird day. It worked out just fine because I had new international students to check in. I kept reassuring them that it wasn't always this cold in Illinois! I hope they believe me.
I went to the Rec Center every night this week (except Monday - they were closed) and did at least 2 miles on the elliptical and at least 6 miles on the recumbent bike. Both of those hurt my knee, but if I walk a lap or two around the track afterward, it gets better. On Thursday, I was able to buy my friend her Wellness Pass to the Rec as her graduation gift. She will get a 6 week membership and I hope she joins up after trying it. She worked out with me on Thursday and Friday. It was nice to have someone to meet there because otherwise, I may have talked myself into going home.
We both commented on the fact that both of those machines make our feet go numb after a certain amount of usage. I thought it was just me, so I just dealt with it (and was annoyed by it), but since she said they did it to her, too, I wondered if anyone else has this problem. I'll have to Google that and see what's up. I tend to move my feet on the elliptical or arc machine pedals, so I have to watch that I don't get them smashed to the edges because that can hurt, too.
It's funny because there are several TVs in front of several of the cardio machines at the Rec and I always get the machine that is in front of the TV that is showing CNN. I've become quite informed about the Dennis Rodman/North Korea prisoner controversy AND the Chris Christie Bridge Scandal. The amount of time that CNN devotes to hashing and rehashing these things just floors me.
One night I also watched (for the first time ever) an episode of "Sister Wives." ICK. I'm sorry, but I do not agree with polygamy and I think it is wrong. But the women in the show seem to make it work in their lives and that's fine. I respect their choice, but I would prefer to not watch it. However, the show was like a car accident, where I didn't want to watch it, but yet I couldn't look away. The one thing I couldn't figure out, is where do these people get their money??? None of them seemed to work and it appears they all have nice homes, nice clothes, etc. The episode I saw, they were nearing completion of their "family house" in Vegas. So if they don't work, how are they building this house? At one point, the dad said there were 22 members of his family, so that's going to be a BIG house. Or apartment complex. I don't know what it is.
This weekend the rest of the students are returning to WIU, and classes begin Monday. I'm taking 2 more graduate classes this semester, so my time is going to get a little more crazy. I've already had one of the professors, so I think I know what to expect in his class. The other one will be new, so I don't know what his will be like. Hopefully I can keep up!
Oh, the other new thing for this week was that I tried juicing! No, not steroids, but fruit/veggie juicing. The first concoction I made was called "Mean Green" (you can Google it) and it consisted of 1 cucumber, 2 handfuls of spinach, 1/2 lemon, 2 apples, 4 stalks of celery, and a little bit of ginger root. OMG, it was icky. I did not care for it at all. It was a bit too "green" tasting for me. I think I could experiment and get rid of the bad taste, but I haven't been so inclined yet. The other one I've fiddled with was one my youngest brother suggested, and it was delicious! I used some frozen strawberries and blueberries, 1 apple, 2-3 carrots, some pineapple, an orange, and a lemon. VERY GOOD!
So that's been my week. It's been kind of stressful, so I'm glad it's over. I'm really happy that my friend is working out, too. I don't care what people do to get their sweat on, just that they're doing it. Find something you love, and it's easy to stay committed!
This week was kind of crazy because we got hit with a bunch of snow and freezing cold temps. It was -15 below, but with the windchill it was "feeling like" -40+ below in areas. On Monday, the University was closed, so I got another day off. My youngest son was supposed to go back to school, but they closed, too. On Tuesday, his school closed for the 2nd day, but WIU opened at noon. That was a weird day. It worked out just fine because I had new international students to check in. I kept reassuring them that it wasn't always this cold in Illinois! I hope they believe me.
I went to the Rec Center every night this week (except Monday - they were closed) and did at least 2 miles on the elliptical and at least 6 miles on the recumbent bike. Both of those hurt my knee, but if I walk a lap or two around the track afterward, it gets better. On Thursday, I was able to buy my friend her Wellness Pass to the Rec as her graduation gift. She will get a 6 week membership and I hope she joins up after trying it. She worked out with me on Thursday and Friday. It was nice to have someone to meet there because otherwise, I may have talked myself into going home.
We both commented on the fact that both of those machines make our feet go numb after a certain amount of usage. I thought it was just me, so I just dealt with it (and was annoyed by it), but since she said they did it to her, too, I wondered if anyone else has this problem. I'll have to Google that and see what's up. I tend to move my feet on the elliptical or arc machine pedals, so I have to watch that I don't get them smashed to the edges because that can hurt, too.
It's funny because there are several TVs in front of several of the cardio machines at the Rec and I always get the machine that is in front of the TV that is showing CNN. I've become quite informed about the Dennis Rodman/North Korea prisoner controversy AND the Chris Christie Bridge Scandal. The amount of time that CNN devotes to hashing and rehashing these things just floors me.
One night I also watched (for the first time ever) an episode of "Sister Wives." ICK. I'm sorry, but I do not agree with polygamy and I think it is wrong. But the women in the show seem to make it work in their lives and that's fine. I respect their choice, but I would prefer to not watch it. However, the show was like a car accident, where I didn't want to watch it, but yet I couldn't look away. The one thing I couldn't figure out, is where do these people get their money??? None of them seemed to work and it appears they all have nice homes, nice clothes, etc. The episode I saw, they were nearing completion of their "family house" in Vegas. So if they don't work, how are they building this house? At one point, the dad said there were 22 members of his family, so that's going to be a BIG house. Or apartment complex. I don't know what it is.
This weekend the rest of the students are returning to WIU, and classes begin Monday. I'm taking 2 more graduate classes this semester, so my time is going to get a little more crazy. I've already had one of the professors, so I think I know what to expect in his class. The other one will be new, so I don't know what his will be like. Hopefully I can keep up!
Oh, the other new thing for this week was that I tried juicing! No, not steroids, but fruit/veggie juicing. The first concoction I made was called "Mean Green" (you can Google it) and it consisted of 1 cucumber, 2 handfuls of spinach, 1/2 lemon, 2 apples, 4 stalks of celery, and a little bit of ginger root. OMG, it was icky. I did not care for it at all. It was a bit too "green" tasting for me. I think I could experiment and get rid of the bad taste, but I haven't been so inclined yet. The other one I've fiddled with was one my youngest brother suggested, and it was delicious! I used some frozen strawberries and blueberries, 1 apple, 2-3 carrots, some pineapple, an orange, and a lemon. VERY GOOD!
So that's been my week. It's been kind of stressful, so I'm glad it's over. I'm really happy that my friend is working out, too. I don't care what people do to get their sweat on, just that they're doing it. Find something you love, and it's easy to stay committed!
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