I haven't had much to write about lately, so forgive my lack of updates. I've been in a holding pattern and that's pretty boring to write about. I do have some exciting news to share, though, finally! I saw the nutritionist and medical person on Tuesday of this week and they were both very pleased with what I've been doing. If everything remains on course, then on my next visit in late September, they will start the process to submit the paperwork to my insurance to (hopefully) get me approved! We are looking at December 15 as my surgery date. They said it could be done sooner if I wanted, but that is the date that works best for me for taking off work and for Mike to take off work to be with me. So we're shooting for December 15! It's starting to become real!
In other news, I haven't really talked about my mom and her health on here. I've shared a lot on Facebook, though, and most of you probably follow me on there. For those that don't, for some reason, she was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. The type of cancer is adenocarcinoma. We received word yesterday that the PET scan showed the cancer is contained, so it has not spread anywhere else, which is very good news as far as treatment goes. She will see an oncologist on Tuesday to find out exactly what they want to do and we'll go from there.
It has been a very, very scary, stressful month. When she told us that it was confirmed in the biopsy that it was cancer, I was devastated. I spent two days crying, off an on. I considered cancelling my own surgery process because I wasn't sure what we were going to be facing and what we should expect. I'm glad I didn't make any rash decisions.
Cancer is something that has always happened to other people for me. I've known people who have fought cancer and won, and I've known people who have lost the battle. I know people who are currently fighting and the outcome is unsure. I've never had anyone close to me go through this. I still don't know what to expect from her treatments. I am cautiously optimistic, but am still terrified the rug is going to be snatched out from under my feet if I get too excited and happy. So I will remain reserved until I am completely confident that she's going to really be ok.
My thoughts on cancer...
Cancer is like the worst roller coaster ride in the world. And there's no way to get off. It's not a ride you asked to be on, either. You are scared of what's around each corner, what the next drop will be, and what will be on the other side of that dark tunnel. You can't close your eyes and escape it, because there's always a reminder. And every time you turn around, you find another person is on the ride with you...another family member, another friend, a person in the community, etc.
If you get lucky and get to get off the roller coaster from hell, you look back and see that there are still others that you care about who are stuck on the ride. You are powerless to rescue them or even help them get off the demon ride. It hurts your heart so bad because you want to be happy that you escaped, but you can only watch helplessly as the other trapped riders speed into their next valley of despair. All you can do is let them know you care, which doesn't feel like it's enough.
Cancer sucks. I hate cancer.
