This morning I saw a weight on my scales that I haven't seen in 22 years. I was pregnant with Alex when this number last showed itself. It's one pound more than my driver's license says I weigh. I can't wait to be below that number and to make a change when I renew my license. I think that will be a very awesome and happy day! Normally they would ask if the weight was still the same and I would say yes, hoping they wouldn't call me out on it. If I disappeared and my stats were shown on television, I would have died. The police/public would have been looking for a much thinner person and would never have found me. Thank God I can cross that worry off my list now. I can substitute that worry with the one where I go missing and weigh much LESS than what my license says, so the police/public will be looking for a chubbier woman. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to avoid going missing until this is resolved.
In other, less worrisome news, I have finished a huge project at work that required 3 weeks solid of 12-hour days. It was very tiresome and difficult, but it is now complete and I can go back to a leisurely 7.5-hour day. This means my after-work time can be spend at the gym getting things done. I am so excited! I'll be doing some light lifting and cardio on Monday/Wednesday/Fridays, and a little cardio on Tuesday/Thursdays. That's the plan until I can get my calories up to 800/day on a consistent basis.
If you're curious (and so I'll have a record for posterity), here's what I generally eat every day:
Breakfast - a container of Yoplait 100 Calorie Greek Yogurt
AM snack - Premier Protein chocolate shake
Lunch - another container of Greek yogurt
PM snack - Premier Protein chocolate shake
2nd PM snack - 1/2 banana (or no banana) and 2T of peanut butter
Dinner - some kind of meat, grilled, baked, etc.
Bedtime snack - 2T of peanut butter
I choose to have the 100 calorie yogurt because it has less grams of sugar than the regular stuff. It's not that I'm trying to save the calories, but sugar grams are always on my radar on pre-packaged foods. Sometimes I have the 2nd PM snack and sometimes I don't. It really depends on how busy I am and whether I remember. If I do, I'll skip the bedtime snack. If I don't, then the bedtime snack makes up for the missed calories.
The clock dictates when I eat at this point rather than hunger because I don't feel hunger. Sometimes I feel "empty" and will realize I need to eat, but there's no gnawing hunger like there used to be. It WILL come back! This is why it is vital to continue healthy eating habits and make changes as soon as possible on this journey. Failure to do so will result in the weight coming back. Period. End of story. I am constantly seeking healthy recipes (send 'em to me!) and reading food labels. Eventually I would like to get rid of all processed, pre-packaged foods. Or at least as many as I possibly can.
My goals in having this surgery have always been and continue to be fitness-driven. I want to run! I want to lift heavy things! I want to be able to do the things I've dreamed of doing! My first goal is to run as much as I can of the Fallen Soldiers 5K that will be held in October at WIU. I don't know how much I'll be able to train for it since it all hinges on that pesky "calories in/calories out" thing, but I'm going to do what I can to try to run it all. I don't care about finish times right now, but eventually, I want to run a 5K in 30 minutes or less. I'll work on that later.
Once I've completed that race, I want to find a 10K around here to do. And finally, I want to do the Lincoln Presidential Half Marathon in Springfield on April 2, 2016 (day after my birthday - Happy Birthday to ME!!!). I don't care if I have to walk a great deal as long as I finish. After I've tackled that, I'll work on being able to run a half marathon.
There are obstacle course races that I want to do as well, and those will depend on strength as well as endurance. Those might take a bit more preparation than just running, so I will continue to hold those in my mind and start preparing for those when I feel ready.
If you are interested in doing any of these activities with me, I'd love to have a training partner (local or long distance). I'd love to have a friend/multiple friends to participate in the events with me, too. My 16 yr old son, Nick, is only willing to do so many with his old Mom. If you're interested, though, shoot me an email - angiev70 at gmail dot com.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Saturday, May 16, 2015
2 Month Post Surgery Update
Life has been super-busy since surgery and I haven't really had time to sit down and compose an update. I have now finished the two classes I was taking (Visual Literacy and Project Management, for those interested) and today is my first day to do a whole lot of nothing. I'll be going to my nephew's high school graduation party later this afternoon, but the rest of the day has been mine. First one of those in a long, long while.
So work is a little crazy and I've been working 12 hours/day to get us caught up. I am loving the new position and I learn something new every day. I was loving my previous job, but this position gives me more of a chance to interact even more with our students. Some of them I am getting to know even better, and I really like that. I love hearing about their different cultures and customs and could probably spend hours asking them questions. We have so much to learn from one another in this world!
Surgery went well! I had zero problems and no pain the first day. I was up walking within 2-4 hours of getting to my room. They encouraged me to hit the pain pump every 2 hours, so I listened and did what they said. I was hooked up to IVs and had to have a nasal cannula for oxygen, but that is all standard. It was crazy, but my blood pressure has been even lower since surgery. It was never high to begin with, but it is lower now. Weird how that happened almost instantaneously.
I was in the hospital for 3 days. The ride home from Springfield wasn't as bad as I had feared, but I was having some pain by then. The pain I was experiencing was in my upper right abdomen area and it felt like something inside was ripping apart every time I bent over on that side. The doctor checked me over at my 1 week post-op visit, but there was nothing wrong. I just had to endure it. The weird thing was, the day before my 1 month post-op doctor visit on April 21, the pain suddenly disappeared. It was there one day and completely gone the next. Strangest thing I've experienced! I thought it would gradually fade, but it just went away suddenly. I'm not complaining! It's so nice to be able to bend without feeling like your guts are being ripped away.
My one month check up was good. The doctor was pleased with my progress. At one week, I had lost 15 lbs and at one month, I had lost almost 25 lbs. I've never lost 25 lbs in one month in my life, so I was thrilled. I'm now at 2 months post-op and I've lost 36.1 lbs as of this morning. I'm very close to weighing what my driver's license says I weigh. This may also be the lowest weight I've experienced in about 20 years. I'd have to check to verify that, but I'm almost positive it is. Exciting!
What is life like for me now? Well, my goal is to get 85-95 grams of protein each day and I'm struggling to hit 800 calories each day. I can hit the protein without problem, but I can only seem to average around 600 calories. I am a creature of habit and always have been. I will eat the same things every day for several weeks and it doesn't bother me. I've always been like that. My Dad is the same way. I think he's taken the same thing in his lunchbox for 30+ years! I have a Greek yogurt for breakfast, a protein shake at 10a, a Greek yogurt or cottage cheese for lunch, a protein shake for my afternoon shake, and some kind of meat for dinner. And that's quite enough food, believe me.
I think my friends and family struggle with how little I eat because it's a considerably smaller amount. A few weeks ago we went out to eat at Pizza Unlimited with some friends. My friend and her husband, and Mike each ordered the personal-size pizza with a salad bar trip. As they were eating their food, I was amazed that they could eat that much! It seemed like enough food to last for days and I was like, "How can they possibly eat all of that???" But just as quickly, I thought, "Girl, YOU used to eat that much and more!" It was kind of funny because I've become accustomed to my tiny portions and don't think much of it. My friend seemed a little upset that I only ate just a tiny bit of the grilled chicken salad I had ordered. The waitress probably could have given it to another customer because it looked like I hadn't touched it. I did, though, I promise!
When we do go out to eat, I'm still learning how to navigate the menus and make the best selections. It's hard because my brain and taste buds still want the foods I USED to eat, and my eyes want the amount of food I USED to eat. It is literally impossible for me to even come close to that. I don't know if I ever will be, but I sincerely hope I can never, ever eat that much food again. I'm also hoping that my taste buds and brain will change in time and the junk will be a thing of the past. Sweets already are! I specifically chose the RNY surgery to assure myself of that. NO SUGAR! Ever? I don't know, but I'm not going to find out.
For now, I'm enjoying the lack of physical hunger. I eat by the clock. If it says 10a, then I need to be drinking my shake. If it says noon, it's time for lunch. I feel what might be hunger in my tummy, but it's not like it used to be. And the few times I thought it was and tried to eat more, I ended up getting sick. So I just ignore it and concentrate on something else.
At my last appointment, I was given the go ahead to do some limited activities in the gym. Due to homework and work, I haven't yet had the opportunity to hit the gym again, but I'm hoping to be able to by June 1. Until I get my calories to 800/day consistently (the physical therapist said that meant 4-5 days IN A ROW, not just one day --- she knows me....hehe), I'm only allowed 10 minutes of cardio before limited weight lifting and then 10 minutes after. The cardio can be walking around the track, walking on a treadmill, or recumbent bike. No elliptical, no running, no strenuous workouts. I don't take in enough calories for that.
I was given permission to do the 1 mile Heart Walk in St. Louis last weekend, but I was denied permission to do the Bridge the Gap 5K walk in Quincy today. It was sad to see the pics on Facebook from the event and not be a part of it. Last weekend, when our group split off at the 1 mile/3 mile intersection, it took every ounce of willpower I had NOT to turn around and go do the 3 mile anyway. I wanted to so badly! Last year, the 4 of us (Andy, Theresa, Nick, and I) did the 3 mile, along with Theresa's nephew, Pete. This year, all of them did the 3 mile, while the 4 of us turned at the 1 mile. It broke my heart, but I knew I would not be able to do the 3 miles without medical assistance. It was very tempting to just see how far I could get, though. Since I didn't want my son or my brother and sister-in-law to have to put me in an ambulance, I thought better of it.
The past two months have been educational. Weight loss surgery is NOT easy. I struggle and fight every single day. I struggle to make sure I get in the nutrition that I need. I fight my brain all the time, too, because there is no surgery to change the way your brain thinks. I have to make sure my food is primarily protein. Although a large bowl of macaroni and cheese sounds amazing, that will not be something I will be eating because it's all carbs and I need my protein. I don't have room for "extras." I'm excited to start exercising, but it's also scary. I know how I like to push myself, and I am going to have to hold back. I don't have the extra calories to spend! I want to build my muscle back up, but it's going to be hard. I have a new life and I'm fighting to get used to it.
I also have to make sure I'm drinking enough water each day, and that's something I really struggle with, especially when I'm so busy. I used to drink 120 oz of water each day with no problem. I can't take big drinks like I used to. That's one of the things I miss most. I can do sips. That's it. When you are constantly thirsty, little sips just don't take away that thirsty-mouth feeling. I think I've had that every day since I woke up from surgery. I hate that that most. I do my best with my liquids because I don't want to get dehydrated to the point where I end up in the hospital again.
Although 36 lbs are gone, I don't look or feel any different to me. I look in the mirror and still see that I have a long way to go. My clothes are looser, but to me it's not noticeable. Others have commented, but I don't see what they see. Perhaps one day I will, though. That would be nice. I do feel like I have more energy! And that makes it hard to resist doing things that I know I can't do. If I can get those calories up there, I can start doing them. Until then, I'll just keep doing my best to maintain a steady state.
If you have questions about weight loss surgery, please let me know. I'm happy to share my experience with you. It takes hard work and a change in your lifestyle. It's not a magic fix-all for all the problems in your life, and you won't wake up instantly skinny. I'm in what is called the "honeymoon phase" because I don't feel hunger yet. That WILL come back and then my struggle will be just as difficult as someone who hasn't had surgery. I'm also still healing, and am limited on the foods I can eat. That will also eventually go away and I will have to be sure to make the right choices so I don't end up at that starting weight again.
So work is a little crazy and I've been working 12 hours/day to get us caught up. I am loving the new position and I learn something new every day. I was loving my previous job, but this position gives me more of a chance to interact even more with our students. Some of them I am getting to know even better, and I really like that. I love hearing about their different cultures and customs and could probably spend hours asking them questions. We have so much to learn from one another in this world!
Surgery went well! I had zero problems and no pain the first day. I was up walking within 2-4 hours of getting to my room. They encouraged me to hit the pain pump every 2 hours, so I listened and did what they said. I was hooked up to IVs and had to have a nasal cannula for oxygen, but that is all standard. It was crazy, but my blood pressure has been even lower since surgery. It was never high to begin with, but it is lower now. Weird how that happened almost instantaneously.
I was in the hospital for 3 days. The ride home from Springfield wasn't as bad as I had feared, but I was having some pain by then. The pain I was experiencing was in my upper right abdomen area and it felt like something inside was ripping apart every time I bent over on that side. The doctor checked me over at my 1 week post-op visit, but there was nothing wrong. I just had to endure it. The weird thing was, the day before my 1 month post-op doctor visit on April 21, the pain suddenly disappeared. It was there one day and completely gone the next. Strangest thing I've experienced! I thought it would gradually fade, but it just went away suddenly. I'm not complaining! It's so nice to be able to bend without feeling like your guts are being ripped away.
My one month check up was good. The doctor was pleased with my progress. At one week, I had lost 15 lbs and at one month, I had lost almost 25 lbs. I've never lost 25 lbs in one month in my life, so I was thrilled. I'm now at 2 months post-op and I've lost 36.1 lbs as of this morning. I'm very close to weighing what my driver's license says I weigh. This may also be the lowest weight I've experienced in about 20 years. I'd have to check to verify that, but I'm almost positive it is. Exciting!
What is life like for me now? Well, my goal is to get 85-95 grams of protein each day and I'm struggling to hit 800 calories each day. I can hit the protein without problem, but I can only seem to average around 600 calories. I am a creature of habit and always have been. I will eat the same things every day for several weeks and it doesn't bother me. I've always been like that. My Dad is the same way. I think he's taken the same thing in his lunchbox for 30+ years! I have a Greek yogurt for breakfast, a protein shake at 10a, a Greek yogurt or cottage cheese for lunch, a protein shake for my afternoon shake, and some kind of meat for dinner. And that's quite enough food, believe me.
I think my friends and family struggle with how little I eat because it's a considerably smaller amount. A few weeks ago we went out to eat at Pizza Unlimited with some friends. My friend and her husband, and Mike each ordered the personal-size pizza with a salad bar trip. As they were eating their food, I was amazed that they could eat that much! It seemed like enough food to last for days and I was like, "How can they possibly eat all of that???" But just as quickly, I thought, "Girl, YOU used to eat that much and more!" It was kind of funny because I've become accustomed to my tiny portions and don't think much of it. My friend seemed a little upset that I only ate just a tiny bit of the grilled chicken salad I had ordered. The waitress probably could have given it to another customer because it looked like I hadn't touched it. I did, though, I promise!
When we do go out to eat, I'm still learning how to navigate the menus and make the best selections. It's hard because my brain and taste buds still want the foods I USED to eat, and my eyes want the amount of food I USED to eat. It is literally impossible for me to even come close to that. I don't know if I ever will be, but I sincerely hope I can never, ever eat that much food again. I'm also hoping that my taste buds and brain will change in time and the junk will be a thing of the past. Sweets already are! I specifically chose the RNY surgery to assure myself of that. NO SUGAR! Ever? I don't know, but I'm not going to find out.
For now, I'm enjoying the lack of physical hunger. I eat by the clock. If it says 10a, then I need to be drinking my shake. If it says noon, it's time for lunch. I feel what might be hunger in my tummy, but it's not like it used to be. And the few times I thought it was and tried to eat more, I ended up getting sick. So I just ignore it and concentrate on something else.
At my last appointment, I was given the go ahead to do some limited activities in the gym. Due to homework and work, I haven't yet had the opportunity to hit the gym again, but I'm hoping to be able to by June 1. Until I get my calories to 800/day consistently (the physical therapist said that meant 4-5 days IN A ROW, not just one day --- she knows me....hehe), I'm only allowed 10 minutes of cardio before limited weight lifting and then 10 minutes after. The cardio can be walking around the track, walking on a treadmill, or recumbent bike. No elliptical, no running, no strenuous workouts. I don't take in enough calories for that.
I was given permission to do the 1 mile Heart Walk in St. Louis last weekend, but I was denied permission to do the Bridge the Gap 5K walk in Quincy today. It was sad to see the pics on Facebook from the event and not be a part of it. Last weekend, when our group split off at the 1 mile/3 mile intersection, it took every ounce of willpower I had NOT to turn around and go do the 3 mile anyway. I wanted to so badly! Last year, the 4 of us (Andy, Theresa, Nick, and I) did the 3 mile, along with Theresa's nephew, Pete. This year, all of them did the 3 mile, while the 4 of us turned at the 1 mile. It broke my heart, but I knew I would not be able to do the 3 miles without medical assistance. It was very tempting to just see how far I could get, though. Since I didn't want my son or my brother and sister-in-law to have to put me in an ambulance, I thought better of it.
The past two months have been educational. Weight loss surgery is NOT easy. I struggle and fight every single day. I struggle to make sure I get in the nutrition that I need. I fight my brain all the time, too, because there is no surgery to change the way your brain thinks. I have to make sure my food is primarily protein. Although a large bowl of macaroni and cheese sounds amazing, that will not be something I will be eating because it's all carbs and I need my protein. I don't have room for "extras." I'm excited to start exercising, but it's also scary. I know how I like to push myself, and I am going to have to hold back. I don't have the extra calories to spend! I want to build my muscle back up, but it's going to be hard. I have a new life and I'm fighting to get used to it.
I also have to make sure I'm drinking enough water each day, and that's something I really struggle with, especially when I'm so busy. I used to drink 120 oz of water each day with no problem. I can't take big drinks like I used to. That's one of the things I miss most. I can do sips. That's it. When you are constantly thirsty, little sips just don't take away that thirsty-mouth feeling. I think I've had that every day since I woke up from surgery. I hate that that most. I do my best with my liquids because I don't want to get dehydrated to the point where I end up in the hospital again.
Although 36 lbs are gone, I don't look or feel any different to me. I look in the mirror and still see that I have a long way to go. My clothes are looser, but to me it's not noticeable. Others have commented, but I don't see what they see. Perhaps one day I will, though. That would be nice. I do feel like I have more energy! And that makes it hard to resist doing things that I know I can't do. If I can get those calories up there, I can start doing them. Until then, I'll just keep doing my best to maintain a steady state.
If you have questions about weight loss surgery, please let me know. I'm happy to share my experience with you. It takes hard work and a change in your lifestyle. It's not a magic fix-all for all the problems in your life, and you won't wake up instantly skinny. I'm in what is called the "honeymoon phase" because I don't feel hunger yet. That WILL come back and then my struggle will be just as difficult as someone who hasn't had surgery. I'm also still healing, and am limited on the foods I can eat. That will also eventually go away and I will have to be sure to make the right choices so I don't end up at that starting weight again.
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