Surgery Scheduled (and what I've been doing...)

I've been maintaining radio (blog) silence for a while and that was kind of on purpose for me.  I didn't want to jinx anything I had going on because everything seemed to be so precarious and nothing was set until today at around 1:30 p.m.  I've been so nervous and stressed about this that I just didn't want to put it out there in the blogosphere in case it all went south and I looked dumb.  Now that things worked out, I can discuss with a big sigh of relief.

First, my thyroid levels went haywire in December.  They won't do surgery if your thyroid levels are wonky because there is a risk your heart can stop during surgery.  I strongly prefer my heart not stop during surgery, or any other time, so I had to get that fixed or I couldn't pass go.  The problem with this is that thyroid meds take about 6 weeks to work and get the levels to where the levels are going to be.  I couldn't get into my endocrinologist until the end of January, so I was on a tight deadline. 

I saw her and she adjusted my meds.  The last possible day I could have my labs done and still have surgery on March 16 (my original target date) was March 2.  The earliest date I could get my thyroid labs tested after she adjusted my meds was February 24.  If they were still haywire then, all bets were off and I was done for surgery until summer.  I thought that was my only hurdle, but I thought wrong.

While I waited anxiously for February 24 to come, the Bariatric Center called and said that the labs I had done for them in June had expired and I needed to redo them.  No big deal, really.  So I went to the hospital and had my blood drawn for those and thought I was set.  Noooooooo, said Karma/the Universe/Satan/Evil!  The nurse called me a couple days later to let me know that my white blood count was elevated, which is indicative of an infection - was I sick?  No, I felt fine.  Ugh...what does this mean?  No surgery for you, sister!  So they decided to redo the CBC (test that gets the white blood count) in early March. 

Meanwhile, at work, my supervisor tendered her resignation and I was offered her position.  Suddenly, I found myself being named Assistant Director!  What?  How did this happen?  I never, ever imagined having a job like this in my life.  I did not picture myself as a departmental leader or an administrator.  I was/am scared to death, but really excited to give this a try.  It's really hard and stressful, but I am enjoying learning the new stuff.  Sometimes it can be extremely frustrating to find answers to the questions I have because they don't exist in black and white.  Sometimes regulations are open for interpretation, which is a bit frightening.  Am I making the right interpretation?  But I am doing the best that I can.  And that's all I can do. 

February 24 finally got here and I could get my thyroid levels checked.  This was the first hurdle to jump.  Would I make it or would I be stuck in the gate???  I MADE IT!  My levels were ok and I passed the first test!  Now on to conquer the CBC!  But wait...more drama awaits in the shape of a terrible, terrible head cold!  YAYNESS!

Yes, just a week before I was supposed to have my second CBC I came down with an awful head cold.  When your body is fighting a viral infection, your white cells will multiply to go do what they do, which is fight the invaders.  Not an ideal time to have a CBC.  BOO, HISSSSSSSS!   So I called the Bariatric Center to ask them what to do.  The nurse heard how stuffy I was and was like, "YES!  You need to put this off!"  And that's what we did.  I had it done again March 6, due to a slight misunderstanding, and my counts were still high.  I had to have it done again at the pre-op hospital visit today and that determined if I could have surgery. 

Meanwhile, I still had to start the two week liquid diet, just in case I could have surgery.  I've been living life for the past few weeks in a state of "just in case I do have surgery" but "just in case I don't have surgery" limbo.  It has kind of sucked, to be honest.  I couldn't shout from the rooftops that I was scheduled, and I couldn't move forward and decide that we're doing it at a different time.  I didn't know what would happen.  And, like I said at the beginning of all this, I didn't want to jinx any of this.  Yeah, I'm a little superstitious/OCD/downright crazy that way. 

I met with Dr. Warner's nurse, Laurie, around noon today and she told me that my CBC showed my white count was declining.  I cried, right then and there, from relief.  She still wasn't completely sure what Dr. Warner would do, but she thought it would proceed as scheduled.  After signing paperwork and doing all the pre-op stuff I had to do there, I waited anxiously to finally meet Dr. Warner and find out her verdict. 

She entered the room around 1:30p and began speaking to me about surgery.  I finally interrupted her and asked - are we really doing this?  My labs are ok?  And she said yes.  There were more tears and then I had to explain to Dr. Warner that I'm a big crybaby, but I think she was a little freaked out.  Oh well, I hope it's not the last time I surprise her.  ;)

For right now my goal weight is 170 lbs.  I have a goal weight lower than that in mind, but I want to see what I feel like when I get there.  I can go down to 130 lbs, but I don't know if that's really do-able for my age.  We shall see.  First, I'm going to worry about getting through tonight.  Next, I'll worry about tomorrow.  And so on, and so on. 

I do have big plans for my future and I'm excited to get to them.  I'm almost done with my master's degree, so that will be an exciting thing, too.  Once that is done, I'm going to take some time to concentrate on ME.  During that time I'm hoping to accomplish some pretty amazing things. 

I've had people tell me about people who die during this surgery and try to discourage me due to an experience in their life.  I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not going to change my mind.  I'm sorry that that person died.  I don't know his/her story, but I know mine.  I also know I could have died during my knee surgery or during my gall bladder surgery.  I could have died driving to/from Springfield today.  I could die driving to/from work tomorrow.  I'm not going to stop, though.  I am very, very well-versed on the risks associated with the surgery.  I have researched it so much that I can give a very detailed explanation of what happens during surgery.  I know the medical terms and I know what they mean.  I worked in that world and I understand it. 

I also know the benefits.  I know this is a TOOL.  It's not magic and it won't solve my problems.  It won't make my life easy and it won't make my life perfect.  I won't wake up a size 2 and I won't look like <insert name of beautiful woman>.  I'll be me with some different anatomy.  I'll have work to do.  I'll have to watch what I eat and exercise and follow a careful regimen for the rest of my life.  The tool will give me a jump-start where regular diet and exercise have failed.  And if I use it correctly, it will be a great jump-start! 

I'm ready.  As I told my family, the old Angie that used food for comfort is not coming out of that operating room on Monday.  A new, improved Angie will be coming out in her place.  She's going to be freaking awesome!