I'm 4 months post-surgery and have been sharing my weekly weight loss updates with my friends and family on Facebook. So far, I've lost almost 55 lbs, which thrills me out of my mind. I've never been able to lose this much on ANY weight loss plan before in my life. However, it's not all rainbows, puppies, kittens, unicorns, and glitter. There have been some major changes in my life because of surgery. Some of them are welcomed, some of them are not. For anyone contemplating surgery or just wondering what my life is like post-surgery, I am going to attempt to share the realities of what it's like to have weight loss surgery.
Some of the more positive aspects include the weight loss. It's almost effortless. Almost. There is still work to be done and the first year after surgery is the time to lay your foundation. You don't feel hunger during that first year. I have yet to feel what I would call "hungry." I have "head hunger" from time to time. That's where your brain thinks you need something and convinces your body. However, if I pay close attention to my pouch, I realize that my brain is just being a dick and ignore it.
When the hunger returns, if you haven't laid your foundation of eating HEALTHY foods, you are certain to gain back all of the weight you lost during that first year. You will still have the restrictions that go with having this pouch for a stomach, but you will have to work your butt off to see any loss. You will have also wasted all of your time and money. If you aren't willing to make LIFE changes, then don't bother with surgery. I'm not even joking. This is not a magic solution. Once you lose the weight, it will not magically stay off. You will have to WORK to keep it off. Just the same as any normie (person who hasn't had WLS).
During this honeymoon phase of WLS, at least with gastric bypass, which is what I had, you don't really have to exercise. It's not a requirement. However, by starting to get into the habit now, it will be easier to maintain the habit later. Once you get started on a regular routine, you will find that it eases your stress and makes you happy. You have to find the exercise routine that works for you, though. There are so many ways to be active. Google that stuff and find something for you! Do it on a regular basis. Treat your workout times as serious as an appointment with your boss, your doctor, your lawyer, etc. Make yourself a priority for this.
While you are losing this weight left and right, you will suddenly find your clothes getting too big. The pair of jeans that just fit last week are suddenly baggy. Maybe you think they still look ok until you wear them to work and your co-workers tell you that you need new clothes. If you are wealthy and can keep buying new clothes in smaller sizes, that's awesome. Some of us aren't and have to rely on resale/consignment/thrift stores. They don't always have the size or style you're looking for, so you have to keep looking. If you live in an area like mine, you don't have many choices in this area, which makes it even harder. There's always Facebook For Sale sites, too, but some people want new prices for used clothes...so you have to decide what's best for you. Losing weight rapidly is expensive.
However, there's the thrill of being able to fit into sizes you haven't worn in years. If you've saved some of those smaller sized clothes for "someday" well, your someday is here. Just hope they are still in fashion. Unfortunately for me, I don't think shoulder pads are making a comeback this year. It still thrills me to be able to fit into some of those clothes, though. I wish I had appreciated my size when I was that size, too!
People will start noticing your weight loss and will comment on it. You have to be able to accept their compliments gracefully. It may be hard for you to see what they see because, if you're like me, you'll still see the same person in the mirror and you won't be able to see the changes. I wish I was more of a picture-taker so that I had photographic proof for myself. I swore I was going to document this journey in photos, but I haven't. I just never think of it.
Another thing to consider is the expense of life post-weight loss surgery. There will be a vitamin regimen you will be on for LIFE. Don't skimp on this. Don't try to cheat this. Don't cut corners on this. This affects your health and the effects can be deadly serious of you screw up on your vitamins or just don't take them. If you cannot afford the extra money for vitamins, then you may want to reconsider having WLS. Right now I take a multivitamin 3 times a day, calcium citrate 3 times a day, B12 sublingual once a week, vitamin C 4 times a week, and iron 4 times a week. The B12, iron, and vitamin C last quite a while. It seems like every time I turn around I have to order my calcium and multivitamins. The calcium is about $30-40/month and the multivitamins are less than $20/month. So you could be looking at an extra $50-60/month, possibly more if your others run out.
These are not just over-the-counter vitamins that you can pick up at Walmart. Oh no! The multivitamin I take is specially created for bariatric patients. Some programs allow their patients to take Flintstones, but my program does not. There are also specific things you have to look for in the other vitamins. The nutritionist will work with you on this and help you figure it out before surgery. I'm just trying to warn you that it can be expensive.
Another expense I have for now is protein shakes. After surgery protein grams becomes your life. I track all of my food on MyFitnessPal.com and it's a good habit to get into. After surgery, you need to know that you are meeting your protein goals every single day. Since you can only eat a limited amount of food, you have to supplement with the shakes. I prefer the Premier Protein shakes because they are already made, taste pretty good, and are convenient. I pay about $50 every two weeks to have them shipped to me from Costco.com. There are less expensive protein powders and shakes out there. This is what I prefer and so this is what I use. I drink two a day right now. Eventually, they will be phased out. I'm not sure when, but I do not believe this is a lifetime thing.
Since we're talking about protein shakes, lets talk about food. Eating. What do I eat? How much do I eat? What can I eat? What can I not eat? This, of course, is where my biggest life changes have come. Before surgery, I loved to eat and would eat a LOT. And a lot of what I would eat was unhealthy - fast food, processed foods, junk foods, sugar, soda, etc. I convinced myself that some of this junk was healthy, though. It's amazing how we can rationalize things for ourselves. When I would eat, I would eat quickly and take huge bites. I could scarf down food like nobody's business, y'all!
So what's it like now? DIFFERENT! Completely opposite, you might say. I carefully examine labels for protein and sugar content. I try to eat as healthy (truly healthy - not "Angie's Psycho World" healthy) as possible. What does healthy mean, though? To me, it means as little processed food as possible. I try to have lean meats, veggies, and fruits. Am I perfect? Not by any stretch of the imagination. Do I still want those unhealthy foods? ABSOLUTELY! Have I indulged in some? Yep, yep, I have. Did they taste the same? No, not really. What? Why not?
One of the reasons, I think, that some of those previous favorite foods do not taste as good to me any more is because once you have surgery, you have to take tiny bites and chew, chew, chew, chew, chew. And then chew some more. Before, I would take huge bites, chew a few times and swallow. I didn't really TASTE the food. It stayed in my mouth for less than 10 seconds, so how could I get a true sense of taste? Now, the food will be in my mouth for a lot longer and chewing it so well changes things. The longer you chew a greasy food (hamburger, pizza toppings, etc), the more grease-coated your mouth becomes. And to me, it's just gross and not worth it. I don't like it any more. But that's fine, because I'm working on finding new favorites!
Post-surgery, there are no more carbonated drinks. I gave up Diet Mt Dew (my go to drink/addiction) on July 1, 2014. I haven't had once since. I had the occasional (once a month, if that) Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke until I had my surgery on March 16, 2015. Since surgery, I've not had a soda and I have no plans to ever have one again. Once in a while I miss it, but for the most part I'm happy drinking my water. I have to try to get in at least 64 ounces each day or I run the risk of dehydration. Since I have a strong aversion to ending up back in the hospital, this is a strong motivator for me.
Gone are the days of gulping water down, though. These days, it's small sips only. If I drink too much, too fast, it hurts. I'm thirsty a lot because I can't drink as much as I want to at once. It drives me crazy some days. The very worst day was right after surgery when I was allowed only an ounce of ice chips once an hour. My throat was parched from the intubation anyway, and to not be allowed to drink anything was maddening. I would have done anything for the nurses to give me a drink of water that day.
Straws are a thing of the past, too, at least according to my program. Other programs across the country/around the world have different rules about this. Mine says none, so I won't use them. The reason behind this is that they feel drinking through a straw introduces air into the pouch. I don't know if it has been scientifically proven, but I can live without straws, so it's not a deal-breaker for me.
Another huge change that also goes along with drinking liquids is that you have to stop drinking 15 minutes prior to eating, no drinking while eating, and wait at least 30 minutes after you eat to drink again. This one is really, really hard for me. I have always had something to drink before, during, and after my meals. I'm not 100% compliant with this, but if I do have something to drink during a meal, it is a very, very small sip. Just enough to wet my mouth, really. If we go out to eat, I notice that I barely put a dent in my glass of water, while my dining companions may have 2-3 glasses of soda. I used to do the same. And I would be irritated if the waitress never came to offer refills. Now, I never need a refill!
I've become a very cheap date, but I also waste a lot of food if we go out to eat. I'm cheap because I can order off the kids menu and have a glass of water. Or instead of ordering the entrée, I can get by with a side or two. I choose carefully to make sure my meals are more protein-based than carb-based, but I'm usually able to find something everywhere we go. I waste a lot because I can only eat a few bites and I'm done. I've tried taking things home, but they usually sit in the fridge and then get pitched. I don't like wasting food, but I've come to accept that it's going to be part of my life now if we eat out. Perhaps one day I will have a better sense of the amounts I can/cannot eat and will be able to order accordingly. Until then, it's still trial and error.
Eating is also harder and there are times that I absolutely hate it. For a former food addict, this sounds crazy to say. But if I don't take tiny bites and chew the daylights out of the food that I eat, it can become stuck. And that is very painful. Usually it leads to throwing up, too. I hate throwing up with a passion. If we are having meat for supper, I have a slight feeling of dread. I am fearful that I won't take small enough bites and I won't chew well enough. I'm getting better, but I still have problems. This may be better for other WLS people, though.
Usually for breakfast I have a Greek yogurt. I have to choose the brand carefully due to sugar content. Some of the yogurts out there are really high in sugars! For my morning snack, it's a protein shake, whether I feel like it or not. Lunch is another Greek yogurt and some sort of fruit. I'm working on adding a vegetable in at lunch time, but haven't gotten there yet. I will soon, though. Afternoon snack is another protein shake. Supper is generally some type of meat on the grill and a vegetable. If the guys want to have something that I cannot have or don't want to have, I'll have cottage cheese instead. I eat by the clock rather than feeling hungry. Again, this will eventually change, which is why I skip certain meals that the guys have. They just don't fit into my plan.
I hope I've given you a good look into post-WLS life. Not all of these hold true for all patients. Each person will have a different story. Each person will have different negatives and different positives. The ones I've listed have been MY experience. Your mileage may vary.
Even through all of what I've shared, I would still do it again in a heartbeat. The positives far outweigh (haha) the negatives. I love seeing the number on the scale getting smaller. I love when my clothes get too big. I like looking for new clothes and seeing the smaller numbers on the tag. I'm very close to fitting into "regular" sizes and cannot wait for that day. I love not feeling so self-conscious around new people. I love having a life not dictated by food. I love being able to move more easily and with less pain. I love being more active. I love having more energy. I love the exciting prospects the future may bring. I can't wait to see what's next and I have a few adventures that I'm excited to try that I've been putting off due to my weight.
If you have any questions, I welcome them. I don't mind talking about my journey to anyone. I cannot stress enough, though, that each person's experience is different. This is MY journey. This is what I have experienced so far. Yours, your BFFs, your cousin's, your sister's, your grandma's, etc. may be different. It may have been worse, it may have been better. Each program across the country has different requirements before and after surgery. I can only tell you the requirements I've had to meet for my program. If you're thinking about surgery, research, research, research. Learn all you can. Talk to those who have gone through it, read all you can about it. Educate yourself!
Monday, July 20, 2015
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Uncharted Territory
This morning I saw a weight on my scales that I haven't seen in 22 years. I was pregnant with Alex when this number last showed itself. It's one pound more than my driver's license says I weigh. I can't wait to be below that number and to make a change when I renew my license. I think that will be a very awesome and happy day! Normally they would ask if the weight was still the same and I would say yes, hoping they wouldn't call me out on it. If I disappeared and my stats were shown on television, I would have died. The police/public would have been looking for a much thinner person and would never have found me. Thank God I can cross that worry off my list now. I can substitute that worry with the one where I go missing and weigh much LESS than what my license says, so the police/public will be looking for a chubbier woman. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to avoid going missing until this is resolved.
In other, less worrisome news, I have finished a huge project at work that required 3 weeks solid of 12-hour days. It was very tiresome and difficult, but it is now complete and I can go back to a leisurely 7.5-hour day. This means my after-work time can be spend at the gym getting things done. I am so excited! I'll be doing some light lifting and cardio on Monday/Wednesday/Fridays, and a little cardio on Tuesday/Thursdays. That's the plan until I can get my calories up to 800/day on a consistent basis.
If you're curious (and so I'll have a record for posterity), here's what I generally eat every day:
Breakfast - a container of Yoplait 100 Calorie Greek Yogurt
AM snack - Premier Protein chocolate shake
Lunch - another container of Greek yogurt
PM snack - Premier Protein chocolate shake
2nd PM snack - 1/2 banana (or no banana) and 2T of peanut butter
Dinner - some kind of meat, grilled, baked, etc.
Bedtime snack - 2T of peanut butter
I choose to have the 100 calorie yogurt because it has less grams of sugar than the regular stuff. It's not that I'm trying to save the calories, but sugar grams are always on my radar on pre-packaged foods. Sometimes I have the 2nd PM snack and sometimes I don't. It really depends on how busy I am and whether I remember. If I do, I'll skip the bedtime snack. If I don't, then the bedtime snack makes up for the missed calories.
The clock dictates when I eat at this point rather than hunger because I don't feel hunger. Sometimes I feel "empty" and will realize I need to eat, but there's no gnawing hunger like there used to be. It WILL come back! This is why it is vital to continue healthy eating habits and make changes as soon as possible on this journey. Failure to do so will result in the weight coming back. Period. End of story. I am constantly seeking healthy recipes (send 'em to me!) and reading food labels. Eventually I would like to get rid of all processed, pre-packaged foods. Or at least as many as I possibly can.
My goals in having this surgery have always been and continue to be fitness-driven. I want to run! I want to lift heavy things! I want to be able to do the things I've dreamed of doing! My first goal is to run as much as I can of the Fallen Soldiers 5K that will be held in October at WIU. I don't know how much I'll be able to train for it since it all hinges on that pesky "calories in/calories out" thing, but I'm going to do what I can to try to run it all. I don't care about finish times right now, but eventually, I want to run a 5K in 30 minutes or less. I'll work on that later.
Once I've completed that race, I want to find a 10K around here to do. And finally, I want to do the Lincoln Presidential Half Marathon in Springfield on April 2, 2016 (day after my birthday - Happy Birthday to ME!!!). I don't care if I have to walk a great deal as long as I finish. After I've tackled that, I'll work on being able to run a half marathon.
There are obstacle course races that I want to do as well, and those will depend on strength as well as endurance. Those might take a bit more preparation than just running, so I will continue to hold those in my mind and start preparing for those when I feel ready.
If you are interested in doing any of these activities with me, I'd love to have a training partner (local or long distance). I'd love to have a friend/multiple friends to participate in the events with me, too. My 16 yr old son, Nick, is only willing to do so many with his old Mom. If you're interested, though, shoot me an email - angiev70 at gmail dot com.
In other, less worrisome news, I have finished a huge project at work that required 3 weeks solid of 12-hour days. It was very tiresome and difficult, but it is now complete and I can go back to a leisurely 7.5-hour day. This means my after-work time can be spend at the gym getting things done. I am so excited! I'll be doing some light lifting and cardio on Monday/Wednesday/Fridays, and a little cardio on Tuesday/Thursdays. That's the plan until I can get my calories up to 800/day on a consistent basis.
If you're curious (and so I'll have a record for posterity), here's what I generally eat every day:
Breakfast - a container of Yoplait 100 Calorie Greek Yogurt
AM snack - Premier Protein chocolate shake
Lunch - another container of Greek yogurt
PM snack - Premier Protein chocolate shake
2nd PM snack - 1/2 banana (or no banana) and 2T of peanut butter
Dinner - some kind of meat, grilled, baked, etc.
Bedtime snack - 2T of peanut butter
I choose to have the 100 calorie yogurt because it has less grams of sugar than the regular stuff. It's not that I'm trying to save the calories, but sugar grams are always on my radar on pre-packaged foods. Sometimes I have the 2nd PM snack and sometimes I don't. It really depends on how busy I am and whether I remember. If I do, I'll skip the bedtime snack. If I don't, then the bedtime snack makes up for the missed calories.
The clock dictates when I eat at this point rather than hunger because I don't feel hunger. Sometimes I feel "empty" and will realize I need to eat, but there's no gnawing hunger like there used to be. It WILL come back! This is why it is vital to continue healthy eating habits and make changes as soon as possible on this journey. Failure to do so will result in the weight coming back. Period. End of story. I am constantly seeking healthy recipes (send 'em to me!) and reading food labels. Eventually I would like to get rid of all processed, pre-packaged foods. Or at least as many as I possibly can.
My goals in having this surgery have always been and continue to be fitness-driven. I want to run! I want to lift heavy things! I want to be able to do the things I've dreamed of doing! My first goal is to run as much as I can of the Fallen Soldiers 5K that will be held in October at WIU. I don't know how much I'll be able to train for it since it all hinges on that pesky "calories in/calories out" thing, but I'm going to do what I can to try to run it all. I don't care about finish times right now, but eventually, I want to run a 5K in 30 minutes or less. I'll work on that later.
Once I've completed that race, I want to find a 10K around here to do. And finally, I want to do the Lincoln Presidential Half Marathon in Springfield on April 2, 2016 (day after my birthday - Happy Birthday to ME!!!). I don't care if I have to walk a great deal as long as I finish. After I've tackled that, I'll work on being able to run a half marathon.
There are obstacle course races that I want to do as well, and those will depend on strength as well as endurance. Those might take a bit more preparation than just running, so I will continue to hold those in my mind and start preparing for those when I feel ready.
If you are interested in doing any of these activities with me, I'd love to have a training partner (local or long distance). I'd love to have a friend/multiple friends to participate in the events with me, too. My 16 yr old son, Nick, is only willing to do so many with his old Mom. If you're interested, though, shoot me an email - angiev70 at gmail dot com.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
2 Month Post Surgery Update
Life has been super-busy since surgery and I haven't really had time to sit down and compose an update. I have now finished the two classes I was taking (Visual Literacy and Project Management, for those interested) and today is my first day to do a whole lot of nothing. I'll be going to my nephew's high school graduation party later this afternoon, but the rest of the day has been mine. First one of those in a long, long while.
So work is a little crazy and I've been working 12 hours/day to get us caught up. I am loving the new position and I learn something new every day. I was loving my previous job, but this position gives me more of a chance to interact even more with our students. Some of them I am getting to know even better, and I really like that. I love hearing about their different cultures and customs and could probably spend hours asking them questions. We have so much to learn from one another in this world!
Surgery went well! I had zero problems and no pain the first day. I was up walking within 2-4 hours of getting to my room. They encouraged me to hit the pain pump every 2 hours, so I listened and did what they said. I was hooked up to IVs and had to have a nasal cannula for oxygen, but that is all standard. It was crazy, but my blood pressure has been even lower since surgery. It was never high to begin with, but it is lower now. Weird how that happened almost instantaneously.
I was in the hospital for 3 days. The ride home from Springfield wasn't as bad as I had feared, but I was having some pain by then. The pain I was experiencing was in my upper right abdomen area and it felt like something inside was ripping apart every time I bent over on that side. The doctor checked me over at my 1 week post-op visit, but there was nothing wrong. I just had to endure it. The weird thing was, the day before my 1 month post-op doctor visit on April 21, the pain suddenly disappeared. It was there one day and completely gone the next. Strangest thing I've experienced! I thought it would gradually fade, but it just went away suddenly. I'm not complaining! It's so nice to be able to bend without feeling like your guts are being ripped away.
My one month check up was good. The doctor was pleased with my progress. At one week, I had lost 15 lbs and at one month, I had lost almost 25 lbs. I've never lost 25 lbs in one month in my life, so I was thrilled. I'm now at 2 months post-op and I've lost 36.1 lbs as of this morning. I'm very close to weighing what my driver's license says I weigh. This may also be the lowest weight I've experienced in about 20 years. I'd have to check to verify that, but I'm almost positive it is. Exciting!
What is life like for me now? Well, my goal is to get 85-95 grams of protein each day and I'm struggling to hit 800 calories each day. I can hit the protein without problem, but I can only seem to average around 600 calories. I am a creature of habit and always have been. I will eat the same things every day for several weeks and it doesn't bother me. I've always been like that. My Dad is the same way. I think he's taken the same thing in his lunchbox for 30+ years! I have a Greek yogurt for breakfast, a protein shake at 10a, a Greek yogurt or cottage cheese for lunch, a protein shake for my afternoon shake, and some kind of meat for dinner. And that's quite enough food, believe me.
I think my friends and family struggle with how little I eat because it's a considerably smaller amount. A few weeks ago we went out to eat at Pizza Unlimited with some friends. My friend and her husband, and Mike each ordered the personal-size pizza with a salad bar trip. As they were eating their food, I was amazed that they could eat that much! It seemed like enough food to last for days and I was like, "How can they possibly eat all of that???" But just as quickly, I thought, "Girl, YOU used to eat that much and more!" It was kind of funny because I've become accustomed to my tiny portions and don't think much of it. My friend seemed a little upset that I only ate just a tiny bit of the grilled chicken salad I had ordered. The waitress probably could have given it to another customer because it looked like I hadn't touched it. I did, though, I promise!
When we do go out to eat, I'm still learning how to navigate the menus and make the best selections. It's hard because my brain and taste buds still want the foods I USED to eat, and my eyes want the amount of food I USED to eat. It is literally impossible for me to even come close to that. I don't know if I ever will be, but I sincerely hope I can never, ever eat that much food again. I'm also hoping that my taste buds and brain will change in time and the junk will be a thing of the past. Sweets already are! I specifically chose the RNY surgery to assure myself of that. NO SUGAR! Ever? I don't know, but I'm not going to find out.
For now, I'm enjoying the lack of physical hunger. I eat by the clock. If it says 10a, then I need to be drinking my shake. If it says noon, it's time for lunch. I feel what might be hunger in my tummy, but it's not like it used to be. And the few times I thought it was and tried to eat more, I ended up getting sick. So I just ignore it and concentrate on something else.
At my last appointment, I was given the go ahead to do some limited activities in the gym. Due to homework and work, I haven't yet had the opportunity to hit the gym again, but I'm hoping to be able to by June 1. Until I get my calories to 800/day consistently (the physical therapist said that meant 4-5 days IN A ROW, not just one day --- she knows me....hehe), I'm only allowed 10 minutes of cardio before limited weight lifting and then 10 minutes after. The cardio can be walking around the track, walking on a treadmill, or recumbent bike. No elliptical, no running, no strenuous workouts. I don't take in enough calories for that.
I was given permission to do the 1 mile Heart Walk in St. Louis last weekend, but I was denied permission to do the Bridge the Gap 5K walk in Quincy today. It was sad to see the pics on Facebook from the event and not be a part of it. Last weekend, when our group split off at the 1 mile/3 mile intersection, it took every ounce of willpower I had NOT to turn around and go do the 3 mile anyway. I wanted to so badly! Last year, the 4 of us (Andy, Theresa, Nick, and I) did the 3 mile, along with Theresa's nephew, Pete. This year, all of them did the 3 mile, while the 4 of us turned at the 1 mile. It broke my heart, but I knew I would not be able to do the 3 miles without medical assistance. It was very tempting to just see how far I could get, though. Since I didn't want my son or my brother and sister-in-law to have to put me in an ambulance, I thought better of it.
The past two months have been educational. Weight loss surgery is NOT easy. I struggle and fight every single day. I struggle to make sure I get in the nutrition that I need. I fight my brain all the time, too, because there is no surgery to change the way your brain thinks. I have to make sure my food is primarily protein. Although a large bowl of macaroni and cheese sounds amazing, that will not be something I will be eating because it's all carbs and I need my protein. I don't have room for "extras." I'm excited to start exercising, but it's also scary. I know how I like to push myself, and I am going to have to hold back. I don't have the extra calories to spend! I want to build my muscle back up, but it's going to be hard. I have a new life and I'm fighting to get used to it.
I also have to make sure I'm drinking enough water each day, and that's something I really struggle with, especially when I'm so busy. I used to drink 120 oz of water each day with no problem. I can't take big drinks like I used to. That's one of the things I miss most. I can do sips. That's it. When you are constantly thirsty, little sips just don't take away that thirsty-mouth feeling. I think I've had that every day since I woke up from surgery. I hate that that most. I do my best with my liquids because I don't want to get dehydrated to the point where I end up in the hospital again.
Although 36 lbs are gone, I don't look or feel any different to me. I look in the mirror and still see that I have a long way to go. My clothes are looser, but to me it's not noticeable. Others have commented, but I don't see what they see. Perhaps one day I will, though. That would be nice. I do feel like I have more energy! And that makes it hard to resist doing things that I know I can't do. If I can get those calories up there, I can start doing them. Until then, I'll just keep doing my best to maintain a steady state.
If you have questions about weight loss surgery, please let me know. I'm happy to share my experience with you. It takes hard work and a change in your lifestyle. It's not a magic fix-all for all the problems in your life, and you won't wake up instantly skinny. I'm in what is called the "honeymoon phase" because I don't feel hunger yet. That WILL come back and then my struggle will be just as difficult as someone who hasn't had surgery. I'm also still healing, and am limited on the foods I can eat. That will also eventually go away and I will have to be sure to make the right choices so I don't end up at that starting weight again.
So work is a little crazy and I've been working 12 hours/day to get us caught up. I am loving the new position and I learn something new every day. I was loving my previous job, but this position gives me more of a chance to interact even more with our students. Some of them I am getting to know even better, and I really like that. I love hearing about their different cultures and customs and could probably spend hours asking them questions. We have so much to learn from one another in this world!
Surgery went well! I had zero problems and no pain the first day. I was up walking within 2-4 hours of getting to my room. They encouraged me to hit the pain pump every 2 hours, so I listened and did what they said. I was hooked up to IVs and had to have a nasal cannula for oxygen, but that is all standard. It was crazy, but my blood pressure has been even lower since surgery. It was never high to begin with, but it is lower now. Weird how that happened almost instantaneously.
I was in the hospital for 3 days. The ride home from Springfield wasn't as bad as I had feared, but I was having some pain by then. The pain I was experiencing was in my upper right abdomen area and it felt like something inside was ripping apart every time I bent over on that side. The doctor checked me over at my 1 week post-op visit, but there was nothing wrong. I just had to endure it. The weird thing was, the day before my 1 month post-op doctor visit on April 21, the pain suddenly disappeared. It was there one day and completely gone the next. Strangest thing I've experienced! I thought it would gradually fade, but it just went away suddenly. I'm not complaining! It's so nice to be able to bend without feeling like your guts are being ripped away.
My one month check up was good. The doctor was pleased with my progress. At one week, I had lost 15 lbs and at one month, I had lost almost 25 lbs. I've never lost 25 lbs in one month in my life, so I was thrilled. I'm now at 2 months post-op and I've lost 36.1 lbs as of this morning. I'm very close to weighing what my driver's license says I weigh. This may also be the lowest weight I've experienced in about 20 years. I'd have to check to verify that, but I'm almost positive it is. Exciting!
What is life like for me now? Well, my goal is to get 85-95 grams of protein each day and I'm struggling to hit 800 calories each day. I can hit the protein without problem, but I can only seem to average around 600 calories. I am a creature of habit and always have been. I will eat the same things every day for several weeks and it doesn't bother me. I've always been like that. My Dad is the same way. I think he's taken the same thing in his lunchbox for 30+ years! I have a Greek yogurt for breakfast, a protein shake at 10a, a Greek yogurt or cottage cheese for lunch, a protein shake for my afternoon shake, and some kind of meat for dinner. And that's quite enough food, believe me.
I think my friends and family struggle with how little I eat because it's a considerably smaller amount. A few weeks ago we went out to eat at Pizza Unlimited with some friends. My friend and her husband, and Mike each ordered the personal-size pizza with a salad bar trip. As they were eating their food, I was amazed that they could eat that much! It seemed like enough food to last for days and I was like, "How can they possibly eat all of that???" But just as quickly, I thought, "Girl, YOU used to eat that much and more!" It was kind of funny because I've become accustomed to my tiny portions and don't think much of it. My friend seemed a little upset that I only ate just a tiny bit of the grilled chicken salad I had ordered. The waitress probably could have given it to another customer because it looked like I hadn't touched it. I did, though, I promise!
When we do go out to eat, I'm still learning how to navigate the menus and make the best selections. It's hard because my brain and taste buds still want the foods I USED to eat, and my eyes want the amount of food I USED to eat. It is literally impossible for me to even come close to that. I don't know if I ever will be, but I sincerely hope I can never, ever eat that much food again. I'm also hoping that my taste buds and brain will change in time and the junk will be a thing of the past. Sweets already are! I specifically chose the RNY surgery to assure myself of that. NO SUGAR! Ever? I don't know, but I'm not going to find out.
For now, I'm enjoying the lack of physical hunger. I eat by the clock. If it says 10a, then I need to be drinking my shake. If it says noon, it's time for lunch. I feel what might be hunger in my tummy, but it's not like it used to be. And the few times I thought it was and tried to eat more, I ended up getting sick. So I just ignore it and concentrate on something else.
At my last appointment, I was given the go ahead to do some limited activities in the gym. Due to homework and work, I haven't yet had the opportunity to hit the gym again, but I'm hoping to be able to by June 1. Until I get my calories to 800/day consistently (the physical therapist said that meant 4-5 days IN A ROW, not just one day --- she knows me....hehe), I'm only allowed 10 minutes of cardio before limited weight lifting and then 10 minutes after. The cardio can be walking around the track, walking on a treadmill, or recumbent bike. No elliptical, no running, no strenuous workouts. I don't take in enough calories for that.
I was given permission to do the 1 mile Heart Walk in St. Louis last weekend, but I was denied permission to do the Bridge the Gap 5K walk in Quincy today. It was sad to see the pics on Facebook from the event and not be a part of it. Last weekend, when our group split off at the 1 mile/3 mile intersection, it took every ounce of willpower I had NOT to turn around and go do the 3 mile anyway. I wanted to so badly! Last year, the 4 of us (Andy, Theresa, Nick, and I) did the 3 mile, along with Theresa's nephew, Pete. This year, all of them did the 3 mile, while the 4 of us turned at the 1 mile. It broke my heart, but I knew I would not be able to do the 3 miles without medical assistance. It was very tempting to just see how far I could get, though. Since I didn't want my son or my brother and sister-in-law to have to put me in an ambulance, I thought better of it.
The past two months have been educational. Weight loss surgery is NOT easy. I struggle and fight every single day. I struggle to make sure I get in the nutrition that I need. I fight my brain all the time, too, because there is no surgery to change the way your brain thinks. I have to make sure my food is primarily protein. Although a large bowl of macaroni and cheese sounds amazing, that will not be something I will be eating because it's all carbs and I need my protein. I don't have room for "extras." I'm excited to start exercising, but it's also scary. I know how I like to push myself, and I am going to have to hold back. I don't have the extra calories to spend! I want to build my muscle back up, but it's going to be hard. I have a new life and I'm fighting to get used to it.
I also have to make sure I'm drinking enough water each day, and that's something I really struggle with, especially when I'm so busy. I used to drink 120 oz of water each day with no problem. I can't take big drinks like I used to. That's one of the things I miss most. I can do sips. That's it. When you are constantly thirsty, little sips just don't take away that thirsty-mouth feeling. I think I've had that every day since I woke up from surgery. I hate that that most. I do my best with my liquids because I don't want to get dehydrated to the point where I end up in the hospital again.
Although 36 lbs are gone, I don't look or feel any different to me. I look in the mirror and still see that I have a long way to go. My clothes are looser, but to me it's not noticeable. Others have commented, but I don't see what they see. Perhaps one day I will, though. That would be nice. I do feel like I have more energy! And that makes it hard to resist doing things that I know I can't do. If I can get those calories up there, I can start doing them. Until then, I'll just keep doing my best to maintain a steady state.
If you have questions about weight loss surgery, please let me know. I'm happy to share my experience with you. It takes hard work and a change in your lifestyle. It's not a magic fix-all for all the problems in your life, and you won't wake up instantly skinny. I'm in what is called the "honeymoon phase" because I don't feel hunger yet. That WILL come back and then my struggle will be just as difficult as someone who hasn't had surgery. I'm also still healing, and am limited on the foods I can eat. That will also eventually go away and I will have to be sure to make the right choices so I don't end up at that starting weight again.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Surgery Scheduled (and what I've been doing...)
I've been maintaining radio (blog) silence for a while and that was kind of on purpose for me. I didn't want to jinx anything I had going on because everything seemed to be so precarious and nothing was set until today at around 1:30 p.m. I've been so nervous and stressed about this that I just didn't want to put it out there in the blogosphere in case it all went south and I looked dumb. Now that things worked out, I can discuss with a big sigh of relief.
First, my thyroid levels went haywire in December. They won't do surgery if your thyroid levels are wonky because there is a risk your heart can stop during surgery. I strongly prefer my heart not stop during surgery, or any other time, so I had to get that fixed or I couldn't pass go. The problem with this is that thyroid meds take about 6 weeks to work and get the levels to where the levels are going to be. I couldn't get into my endocrinologist until the end of January, so I was on a tight deadline.
I saw her and she adjusted my meds. The last possible day I could have my labs done and still have surgery on March 16 (my original target date) was March 2. The earliest date I could get my thyroid labs tested after she adjusted my meds was February 24. If they were still haywire then, all bets were off and I was done for surgery until summer. I thought that was my only hurdle, but I thought wrong.
While I waited anxiously for February 24 to come, the Bariatric Center called and said that the labs I had done for them in June had expired and I needed to redo them. No big deal, really. So I went to the hospital and had my blood drawn for those and thought I was set. Noooooooo, said Karma/the Universe/Satan/Evil! The nurse called me a couple days later to let me know that my white blood count was elevated, which is indicative of an infection - was I sick? No, I felt fine. Ugh...what does this mean? No surgery for you, sister! So they decided to redo the CBC (test that gets the white blood count) in early March.
Meanwhile, at work, my supervisor tendered her resignation and I was offered her position. Suddenly, I found myself being named Assistant Director! What? How did this happen? I never, ever imagined having a job like this in my life. I did not picture myself as a departmental leader or an administrator. I was/am scared to death, but really excited to give this a try. It's really hard and stressful, but I am enjoying learning the new stuff. Sometimes it can be extremely frustrating to find answers to the questions I have because they don't exist in black and white. Sometimes regulations are open for interpretation, which is a bit frightening. Am I making the right interpretation? But I am doing the best that I can. And that's all I can do.
February 24 finally got here and I could get my thyroid levels checked. This was the first hurdle to jump. Would I make it or would I be stuck in the gate??? I MADE IT! My levels were ok and I passed the first test! Now on to conquer the CBC! But wait...more drama awaits in the shape of a terrible, terrible head cold! YAYNESS!
Yes, just a week before I was supposed to have my second CBC I came down with an awful head cold. When your body is fighting a viral infection, your white cells will multiply to go do what they do, which is fight the invaders. Not an ideal time to have a CBC. BOO, HISSSSSSSS! So I called the Bariatric Center to ask them what to do. The nurse heard how stuffy I was and was like, "YES! You need to put this off!" And that's what we did. I had it done again March 6, due to a slight misunderstanding, and my counts were still high. I had to have it done again at the pre-op hospital visit today and that determined if I could have surgery.
Meanwhile, I still had to start the two week liquid diet, just in case I could have surgery. I've been living life for the past few weeks in a state of "just in case I do have surgery" but "just in case I don't have surgery" limbo. It has kind of sucked, to be honest. I couldn't shout from the rooftops that I was scheduled, and I couldn't move forward and decide that we're doing it at a different time. I didn't know what would happen. And, like I said at the beginning of all this, I didn't want to jinx any of this. Yeah, I'm a little superstitious/OCD/downright crazy that way.
I met with Dr. Warner's nurse, Laurie, around noon today and she told me that my CBC showed my white count was declining. I cried, right then and there, from relief. She still wasn't completely sure what Dr. Warner would do, but she thought it would proceed as scheduled. After signing paperwork and doing all the pre-op stuff I had to do there, I waited anxiously to finally meet Dr. Warner and find out her verdict.
She entered the room around 1:30p and began speaking to me about surgery. I finally interrupted her and asked - are we really doing this? My labs are ok? And she said yes. There were more tears and then I had to explain to Dr. Warner that I'm a big crybaby, but I think she was a little freaked out. Oh well, I hope it's not the last time I surprise her. ;)
For right now my goal weight is 170 lbs. I have a goal weight lower than that in mind, but I want to see what I feel like when I get there. I can go down to 130 lbs, but I don't know if that's really do-able for my age. We shall see. First, I'm going to worry about getting through tonight. Next, I'll worry about tomorrow. And so on, and so on.
I do have big plans for my future and I'm excited to get to them. I'm almost done with my master's degree, so that will be an exciting thing, too. Once that is done, I'm going to take some time to concentrate on ME. During that time I'm hoping to accomplish some pretty amazing things.
I've had people tell me about people who die during this surgery and try to discourage me due to an experience in their life. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not going to change my mind. I'm sorry that that person died. I don't know his/her story, but I know mine. I also know I could have died during my knee surgery or during my gall bladder surgery. I could have died driving to/from Springfield today. I could die driving to/from work tomorrow. I'm not going to stop, though. I am very, very well-versed on the risks associated with the surgery. I have researched it so much that I can give a very detailed explanation of what happens during surgery. I know the medical terms and I know what they mean. I worked in that world and I understand it.
I also know the benefits. I know this is a TOOL. It's not magic and it won't solve my problems. It won't make my life easy and it won't make my life perfect. I won't wake up a size 2 and I won't look like <insert name of beautiful woman>. I'll be me with some different anatomy. I'll have work to do. I'll have to watch what I eat and exercise and follow a careful regimen for the rest of my life. The tool will give me a jump-start where regular diet and exercise have failed. And if I use it correctly, it will be a great jump-start!
I'm ready. As I told my family, the old Angie that used food for comfort is not coming out of that operating room on Monday. A new, improved Angie will be coming out in her place. She's going to be freaking awesome!
First, my thyroid levels went haywire in December. They won't do surgery if your thyroid levels are wonky because there is a risk your heart can stop during surgery. I strongly prefer my heart not stop during surgery, or any other time, so I had to get that fixed or I couldn't pass go. The problem with this is that thyroid meds take about 6 weeks to work and get the levels to where the levels are going to be. I couldn't get into my endocrinologist until the end of January, so I was on a tight deadline.
I saw her and she adjusted my meds. The last possible day I could have my labs done and still have surgery on March 16 (my original target date) was March 2. The earliest date I could get my thyroid labs tested after she adjusted my meds was February 24. If they were still haywire then, all bets were off and I was done for surgery until summer. I thought that was my only hurdle, but I thought wrong.
While I waited anxiously for February 24 to come, the Bariatric Center called and said that the labs I had done for them in June had expired and I needed to redo them. No big deal, really. So I went to the hospital and had my blood drawn for those and thought I was set. Noooooooo, said Karma/the Universe/Satan/Evil! The nurse called me a couple days later to let me know that my white blood count was elevated, which is indicative of an infection - was I sick? No, I felt fine. Ugh...what does this mean? No surgery for you, sister! So they decided to redo the CBC (test that gets the white blood count) in early March.
Meanwhile, at work, my supervisor tendered her resignation and I was offered her position. Suddenly, I found myself being named Assistant Director! What? How did this happen? I never, ever imagined having a job like this in my life. I did not picture myself as a departmental leader or an administrator. I was/am scared to death, but really excited to give this a try. It's really hard and stressful, but I am enjoying learning the new stuff. Sometimes it can be extremely frustrating to find answers to the questions I have because they don't exist in black and white. Sometimes regulations are open for interpretation, which is a bit frightening. Am I making the right interpretation? But I am doing the best that I can. And that's all I can do.
February 24 finally got here and I could get my thyroid levels checked. This was the first hurdle to jump. Would I make it or would I be stuck in the gate??? I MADE IT! My levels were ok and I passed the first test! Now on to conquer the CBC! But wait...more drama awaits in the shape of a terrible, terrible head cold! YAYNESS!
Yes, just a week before I was supposed to have my second CBC I came down with an awful head cold. When your body is fighting a viral infection, your white cells will multiply to go do what they do, which is fight the invaders. Not an ideal time to have a CBC. BOO, HISSSSSSSS! So I called the Bariatric Center to ask them what to do. The nurse heard how stuffy I was and was like, "YES! You need to put this off!" And that's what we did. I had it done again March 6, due to a slight misunderstanding, and my counts were still high. I had to have it done again at the pre-op hospital visit today and that determined if I could have surgery.
Meanwhile, I still had to start the two week liquid diet, just in case I could have surgery. I've been living life for the past few weeks in a state of "just in case I do have surgery" but "just in case I don't have surgery" limbo. It has kind of sucked, to be honest. I couldn't shout from the rooftops that I was scheduled, and I couldn't move forward and decide that we're doing it at a different time. I didn't know what would happen. And, like I said at the beginning of all this, I didn't want to jinx any of this. Yeah, I'm a little superstitious/OCD/downright crazy that way.
I met with Dr. Warner's nurse, Laurie, around noon today and she told me that my CBC showed my white count was declining. I cried, right then and there, from relief. She still wasn't completely sure what Dr. Warner would do, but she thought it would proceed as scheduled. After signing paperwork and doing all the pre-op stuff I had to do there, I waited anxiously to finally meet Dr. Warner and find out her verdict.
She entered the room around 1:30p and began speaking to me about surgery. I finally interrupted her and asked - are we really doing this? My labs are ok? And she said yes. There were more tears and then I had to explain to Dr. Warner that I'm a big crybaby, but I think she was a little freaked out. Oh well, I hope it's not the last time I surprise her. ;)
For right now my goal weight is 170 lbs. I have a goal weight lower than that in mind, but I want to see what I feel like when I get there. I can go down to 130 lbs, but I don't know if that's really do-able for my age. We shall see. First, I'm going to worry about getting through tonight. Next, I'll worry about tomorrow. And so on, and so on.
I do have big plans for my future and I'm excited to get to them. I'm almost done with my master's degree, so that will be an exciting thing, too. Once that is done, I'm going to take some time to concentrate on ME. During that time I'm hoping to accomplish some pretty amazing things.
I've had people tell me about people who die during this surgery and try to discourage me due to an experience in their life. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not going to change my mind. I'm sorry that that person died. I don't know his/her story, but I know mine. I also know I could have died during my knee surgery or during my gall bladder surgery. I could have died driving to/from Springfield today. I could die driving to/from work tomorrow. I'm not going to stop, though. I am very, very well-versed on the risks associated with the surgery. I have researched it so much that I can give a very detailed explanation of what happens during surgery. I know the medical terms and I know what they mean. I worked in that world and I understand it.
I also know the benefits. I know this is a TOOL. It's not magic and it won't solve my problems. It won't make my life easy and it won't make my life perfect. I won't wake up a size 2 and I won't look like <insert name of beautiful woman>. I'll be me with some different anatomy. I'll have work to do. I'll have to watch what I eat and exercise and follow a careful regimen for the rest of my life. The tool will give me a jump-start where regular diet and exercise have failed. And if I use it correctly, it will be a great jump-start!
I'm ready. As I told my family, the old Angie that used food for comfort is not coming out of that operating room on Monday. A new, improved Angie will be coming out in her place. She's going to be freaking awesome!
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Where did time go?
Has it really been since the end of August that I last wrote? Wow...and oops! Things got pretty busy with my classes and football and other stuff, so forgive my absence. Let's update!
Mom: She had surgery on September 17, at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis to remove her lower right lobe of her lung. Thank goodness the cancer was completely contained there, so Dr. Patterson was able to just remove that part, and off we go. There was worry that her lymph nodes might have been involved, but the pathology report showed that they were clear. We were so very, very lucky. She is doing well now and still recovering and getting stronger.
As for me and my surgery, I hit a little bump in the road and we're going to push surgery back until March. It was disappointing, but also a relief. Trying to get the last few things done in time was really getting stressful. I was also worried about potential winter storms that may cause us problems. Mike was worried about being able to get time off work to be with me while I was in the hospital. My work wasn't working out to be quite as smooth for me to be gone at that time either. It seemed like the universe was trying to tell me something. So I listened.
It has to wait until March because I cannot be gone from work during January or February, otherwise I might be able to have it done sooner. I had a great talk with my nutritionist about it today, and she was a great sounding board in helping me to decide. She feels like there are a couple of things I still need to work on with my nutrition to be sure I can rock it after surgery. She was willing to try to squeeze me in and work on this stuff ASAP, but now we don't have to. Sadly, she will no longer be seeing patients after December 1, so I'll have a new nutritionist when I go back in December. I will miss Micca like crazy because I loved working with her!
In other news, I've finished my two grad classes for this semester and am free until January. I'm now (hopefully) just 1 year away from being finished with my master's degree. Once I finish this, I think I want to take some classes in the dietetics area. I'd like to learn more about nutrition just for fun. I'm weird like that. Mike isn't thrilled with that idea, but what else will I do with my free time? What do you all do if you don't have homework?? I'm still getting used to that feeling. Once I do, it will be time for classes to start again.
Dearest reader, I apologize for leaving you for so long. I'll try not to do that again. If you have some suggestions for things you'd like me to write about, please leave a comment and let me know.
Until next time...
Mom: She had surgery on September 17, at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis to remove her lower right lobe of her lung. Thank goodness the cancer was completely contained there, so Dr. Patterson was able to just remove that part, and off we go. There was worry that her lymph nodes might have been involved, but the pathology report showed that they were clear. We were so very, very lucky. She is doing well now and still recovering and getting stronger.
As for me and my surgery, I hit a little bump in the road and we're going to push surgery back until March. It was disappointing, but also a relief. Trying to get the last few things done in time was really getting stressful. I was also worried about potential winter storms that may cause us problems. Mike was worried about being able to get time off work to be with me while I was in the hospital. My work wasn't working out to be quite as smooth for me to be gone at that time either. It seemed like the universe was trying to tell me something. So I listened.
It has to wait until March because I cannot be gone from work during January or February, otherwise I might be able to have it done sooner. I had a great talk with my nutritionist about it today, and she was a great sounding board in helping me to decide. She feels like there are a couple of things I still need to work on with my nutrition to be sure I can rock it after surgery. She was willing to try to squeeze me in and work on this stuff ASAP, but now we don't have to. Sadly, she will no longer be seeing patients after December 1, so I'll have a new nutritionist when I go back in December. I will miss Micca like crazy because I loved working with her!
In other news, I've finished my two grad classes for this semester and am free until January. I'm now (hopefully) just 1 year away from being finished with my master's degree. Once I finish this, I think I want to take some classes in the dietetics area. I'd like to learn more about nutrition just for fun. I'm weird like that. Mike isn't thrilled with that idea, but what else will I do with my free time? What do you all do if you don't have homework?? I'm still getting used to that feeling. Once I do, it will be time for classes to start again.
Dearest reader, I apologize for leaving you for so long. I'll try not to do that again. If you have some suggestions for things you'd like me to write about, please leave a comment and let me know.
Until next time...
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Surgery update and stuff
I haven't had much to write about lately, so forgive my lack of updates. I've been in a holding pattern and that's pretty boring to write about. I do have some exciting news to share, though, finally! I saw the nutritionist and medical person on Tuesday of this week and they were both very pleased with what I've been doing. If everything remains on course, then on my next visit in late September, they will start the process to submit the paperwork to my insurance to (hopefully) get me approved! We are looking at December 15 as my surgery date. They said it could be done sooner if I wanted, but that is the date that works best for me for taking off work and for Mike to take off work to be with me. So we're shooting for December 15! It's starting to become real!
In other news, I haven't really talked about my mom and her health on here. I've shared a lot on Facebook, though, and most of you probably follow me on there. For those that don't, for some reason, she was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. The type of cancer is adenocarcinoma. We received word yesterday that the PET scan showed the cancer is contained, so it has not spread anywhere else, which is very good news as far as treatment goes. She will see an oncologist on Tuesday to find out exactly what they want to do and we'll go from there.
It has been a very, very scary, stressful month. When she told us that it was confirmed in the biopsy that it was cancer, I was devastated. I spent two days crying, off an on. I considered cancelling my own surgery process because I wasn't sure what we were going to be facing and what we should expect. I'm glad I didn't make any rash decisions.
Cancer is something that has always happened to other people for me. I've known people who have fought cancer and won, and I've known people who have lost the battle. I know people who are currently fighting and the outcome is unsure. I've never had anyone close to me go through this. I still don't know what to expect from her treatments. I am cautiously optimistic, but am still terrified the rug is going to be snatched out from under my feet if I get too excited and happy. So I will remain reserved until I am completely confident that she's going to really be ok.
My thoughts on cancer...
Cancer is like the worst roller coaster ride in the world. And there's no way to get off. It's not a ride you asked to be on, either. You are scared of what's around each corner, what the next drop will be, and what will be on the other side of that dark tunnel. You can't close your eyes and escape it, because there's always a reminder. And every time you turn around, you find another person is on the ride with you...another family member, another friend, a person in the community, etc.
If you get lucky and get to get off the roller coaster from hell, you look back and see that there are still others that you care about who are stuck on the ride. You are powerless to rescue them or even help them get off the demon ride. It hurts your heart so bad because you want to be happy that you escaped, but you can only watch helplessly as the other trapped riders speed into their next valley of despair. All you can do is let them know you care, which doesn't feel like it's enough.
Cancer sucks. I hate cancer.
In other news, I haven't really talked about my mom and her health on here. I've shared a lot on Facebook, though, and most of you probably follow me on there. For those that don't, for some reason, she was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. The type of cancer is adenocarcinoma. We received word yesterday that the PET scan showed the cancer is contained, so it has not spread anywhere else, which is very good news as far as treatment goes. She will see an oncologist on Tuesday to find out exactly what they want to do and we'll go from there.
It has been a very, very scary, stressful month. When she told us that it was confirmed in the biopsy that it was cancer, I was devastated. I spent two days crying, off an on. I considered cancelling my own surgery process because I wasn't sure what we were going to be facing and what we should expect. I'm glad I didn't make any rash decisions.
Cancer is something that has always happened to other people for me. I've known people who have fought cancer and won, and I've known people who have lost the battle. I know people who are currently fighting and the outcome is unsure. I've never had anyone close to me go through this. I still don't know what to expect from her treatments. I am cautiously optimistic, but am still terrified the rug is going to be snatched out from under my feet if I get too excited and happy. So I will remain reserved until I am completely confident that she's going to really be ok.
My thoughts on cancer...
Cancer is like the worst roller coaster ride in the world. And there's no way to get off. It's not a ride you asked to be on, either. You are scared of what's around each corner, what the next drop will be, and what will be on the other side of that dark tunnel. You can't close your eyes and escape it, because there's always a reminder. And every time you turn around, you find another person is on the ride with you...another family member, another friend, a person in the community, etc.
If you get lucky and get to get off the roller coaster from hell, you look back and see that there are still others that you care about who are stuck on the ride. You are powerless to rescue them or even help them get off the demon ride. It hurts your heart so bad because you want to be happy that you escaped, but you can only watch helplessly as the other trapped riders speed into their next valley of despair. All you can do is let them know you care, which doesn't feel like it's enough.
Cancer sucks. I hate cancer.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Progress!
I have now attended my mandatory nutrition classes and met with the nutritionist. I learned quite a bit at the nutrition classes, and there was a lot I already knew. I've tried to make the changes suggested and some are going well, and some I'm still struggling with. They want us to fill half the plate with non-starchy veggies, 1/4 of the plate with protein, and the other 1/4 with whole grains or starches. I'm not a big veggie fan. I've been eating a LOT of salads.
The nutritionist and I talked about my BMI and she is working with me to keep me at the 40 limit. I've gained enough now that I shouldn't have any problems staying in the 40s until October (my 6 month time limit). I will see her every month until surgery, I believe.
Today I met with the medical person again. Apparently the last time I was supposed to get orders for a whole slew of tests...but somehow they were not given to me nor were they discussed. So now I have those orders and will need to get those done soon. I will see her again in a month.
I also met with the physical therapy lady to talk about exercise. She's quite pleased with where I am on that, so she said she could clear me for surgery right now. I don't need to see her until after surgery. She wants me to keep doing what I'm doing until I start the pre-surgery liquid diet. At that point I will need to back way off because I won't be taking in enough calories to sustain that kind of activity. She said I should be back at the level I'm at within about 3-6 months after surgery.
I've also finished my grad class on Image Design and got an A. It was pretty tough and stressful, but I made it! I'm now just a smidge over half-way through my master's degree. It's going quite fast, which is awesome!
Until next time...
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Oops...where did I go?
I can't believe it's almost been a month since I last posted! Lots of stuff to catch up on, so put your feet up, grab a nice cup of water, and lets chat!
First, we adopted another dog on June 29. Her name is Piper and she's a little Chihuahua. She's a little over a year old and has settled into our lives very nicely. Her and Duke have a great time playing and resting together. He is not jealous in the least, which is awesome. Piper came to us from my cousin in Springfield. She was finding that she wasn't really home enough to give Princess Piper the attention she needed, so she posted a request on Facebook to find a new family for Piper. After about a week and a half, I finally convinced Mike that the family should be OURS! He's very happy with that decision because it's really been a great transition. As a matter of fact, as I type this, I have Piper snuggled up on the left side of my lap and Duke is on the right. Puppy bookends!
My 4-week grad class started on June 30. I've been dreading this because it's 16 weeks of instruction packed into 4 weeks. Luckily, the professor sent out the syllabus early so we could start doing some of the work. So far I'm doing pretty good at keeping up, but it is tough. I'll be glad when it's over because it puts me that much closer to my master's degree!
In preparation for bariatric surgery, I stopped drinking soda on July 1. I've had a few moments where I missed it, but for the most part it's been an ok transition. I started drinking iced tea sweetened with Stevia. Now I'm working on cutting out the caffeine. I use 3 caffeinated tea bags and 2 non-caff right now. Soon I'll switch that up to 3 non-caff + 2 caff, and slowly ease out the caff. It's a good way to wean off caffeine without the horrible headaches.
I've also learned that surgery may not happen for me. I'm one of those that may slip through the cracks right now. First, you have to understand the requirements for bariatric surgery - these are nation-wide, so most bariatric centers/insurances follow these guidelines. You must either have A) a BMI of 40 or more; or B) a BMI of 35-39 with TWO co-morbidities. Co-morbidities are things such as sleep apnea, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Diseases/problems brought on by weight, in other words.
My problem is that I have NO co-morbidities. My blood pressure is fine. No signs of diabetes or even pre-diabetes. I do not have sleep apnea or any other issues brought on by weight. I'm the healthiest overweight person you'll ever meet. My BMI is BARELY 40.
I talked to the insurance lady at Memorial and I have to have proof (medical) of a BMI of 40+ for six months or I will be denied surgery. I don't have that from before because I had lost quite a bit of weight up until last August and then I started slowly gaining. Out of frustration, I applied for surgery. So I pretty much cannot lose anything for six months. I have to maintain this weight. If I fall below the 40 BMI, I'm done. And if I fall below, chances are good that it won't go too much further. I've fought this for too long.
I'm not sure what to do. On Monday I will return to Springfield and will take part in two of the mandatory classes, and I will see the nutritionist. I'm going to discuss this with her and see what she says. If I could lose it on my own, I'd do it. But my body has proven for too long that it won't happen. Which is why I feel like I'm going to fall through the cracks. It's very frustrating. For once, I wish I was fatter and sick. Then it wouldn't even be a problem. I can't be the only person like this that they've dealt with. I'm hoping to get some answers and guidance on Monday.
The puppies are starting to wake and they want to play, so that's my cue to wrap it up! Hope you all have a great, safe week!
First, we adopted another dog on June 29. Her name is Piper and she's a little Chihuahua. She's a little over a year old and has settled into our lives very nicely. Her and Duke have a great time playing and resting together. He is not jealous in the least, which is awesome. Piper came to us from my cousin in Springfield. She was finding that she wasn't really home enough to give Princess Piper the attention she needed, so she posted a request on Facebook to find a new family for Piper. After about a week and a half, I finally convinced Mike that the family should be OURS! He's very happy with that decision because it's really been a great transition. As a matter of fact, as I type this, I have Piper snuggled up on the left side of my lap and Duke is on the right. Puppy bookends!
My 4-week grad class started on June 30. I've been dreading this because it's 16 weeks of instruction packed into 4 weeks. Luckily, the professor sent out the syllabus early so we could start doing some of the work. So far I'm doing pretty good at keeping up, but it is tough. I'll be glad when it's over because it puts me that much closer to my master's degree!
In preparation for bariatric surgery, I stopped drinking soda on July 1. I've had a few moments where I missed it, but for the most part it's been an ok transition. I started drinking iced tea sweetened with Stevia. Now I'm working on cutting out the caffeine. I use 3 caffeinated tea bags and 2 non-caff right now. Soon I'll switch that up to 3 non-caff + 2 caff, and slowly ease out the caff. It's a good way to wean off caffeine without the horrible headaches.
I've also learned that surgery may not happen for me. I'm one of those that may slip through the cracks right now. First, you have to understand the requirements for bariatric surgery - these are nation-wide, so most bariatric centers/insurances follow these guidelines. You must either have A) a BMI of 40 or more; or B) a BMI of 35-39 with TWO co-morbidities. Co-morbidities are things such as sleep apnea, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Diseases/problems brought on by weight, in other words.
My problem is that I have NO co-morbidities. My blood pressure is fine. No signs of diabetes or even pre-diabetes. I do not have sleep apnea or any other issues brought on by weight. I'm the healthiest overweight person you'll ever meet. My BMI is BARELY 40.
I talked to the insurance lady at Memorial and I have to have proof (medical) of a BMI of 40+ for six months or I will be denied surgery. I don't have that from before because I had lost quite a bit of weight up until last August and then I started slowly gaining. Out of frustration, I applied for surgery. So I pretty much cannot lose anything for six months. I have to maintain this weight. If I fall below the 40 BMI, I'm done. And if I fall below, chances are good that it won't go too much further. I've fought this for too long.
I'm not sure what to do. On Monday I will return to Springfield and will take part in two of the mandatory classes, and I will see the nutritionist. I'm going to discuss this with her and see what she says. If I could lose it on my own, I'd do it. But my body has proven for too long that it won't happen. Which is why I feel like I'm going to fall through the cracks. It's very frustrating. For once, I wish I was fatter and sick. Then it wouldn't even be a problem. I can't be the only person like this that they've dealt with. I'm hoping to get some answers and guidance on Monday.
The puppies are starting to wake and they want to play, so that's my cue to wrap it up! Hope you all have a great, safe week!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
It's Starting to Happen!
This has been a pretty exciting week for me! On Tuesday, I got a call from my endocrinologist's office to let me know the lab work I had done on Friday was good and to continue on my current dosage of meds. My primary care doctor's office called a little later to let me know that they had faxed the referral to the Weight Loss Clinic at Memorial. WOO!
I made myself wait until Tuesday afternoon to call the WLC about seeing when I could schedule my initial consultations. The girl that answers the phone, Marissa, was an absolute angel and sorted through the faxes they had received to find mine, added it to my file, checked everything for completeness, and then scheduled me. She did not have to do that, but she did it anyway. Working in admissions for as long as I have, I know what it's like when someone calls who submitted their paperwork 35 seconds prior and then wants to know their status. So I became THAT annoying person. Sorry, Marissa! But she got me scheduled for my initial consultation and that appointment was YESTERDAY! I couldn't believe I got in that quickly.
Yesterday was like Christmas to me. I was so excited and nervous and was unsure of what to expect. I was so scared someone was going to say, "Uh, you don't meet X qualification, so you're done now. Go away!" No one said that though.
First I met with the physician's assistant. He examined me and we talked about my medical history. It's a pretty short history and can be summed up in one sentence: I've had two kids, have hypothyroidism, gallbladder came out in 2001, and torn meniscus surgery in 2013. Annnnnnnd, we're done. We also discussed which of the 3 surgeries I should have. I did not want lap-band, as I felt it was not appropriate for me. He agreed. It then came down to Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (aka VSG or "sleeve") or the Roux-en-Y (RNY or bypass) surgery. I went into the appointment with leanings toward the sleeve surgery, but I also saw benefits to the RNY. We ended up deciding together that RNY is the best bet for me. And I'm ok with that, because deep down, that was my choice from the start. They are also considerably more experienced in performing the RNY surgery, which makes me feel good with my decision. I have no doubts that the team would do an excellent job with the sleeve, too, but I like that they are more experienced with RNY.
He assured me that they will check everything over very carefully in the OR to ensure there are no leaks or problems. The complication rate is less than 5%. There will be two surgeons performing the surgery, along with their team of nurses. This is standard procedure for this clinic, and I like that. It's good to have two sets of eyes in case one picks up what the other may miss. We are all human and mistakes can happen, but with two experts dong the job, the chance of anything being missed is almost zero.
I then met with the social worker so she could assess my mental preparedness and, I'm sure, to make sure I knew what I was getting into. She asked me to explain what happens in the RNY surgery and I believe I told her way more than she was expecting. What can I say? I'm the Queen of Research and I know my stuff. I've watched countless YouTube videos on the procedure and read numerous articles. I know what to expect after surgery, too. I am fully cognizant of the changes that I will need to make in my life to prepare for my new life. I am ready to make those changes. I feel like I have a pretty good support system, too. We talked about all of that and she pronounced me ready and capable of handling this. I do not have to see her again.
I asked both of them if it was possible to do the surgery in December. They both felt it was able to be done. Doing it in December would allow me extra time for recovery because the University is closed from December 24 to January 1. It's also a slower time in our office. So that is what we are shooting for!
Next up, I will meet with my primary care doctor once a month for six months, starting June 25. She will monitor my weight loss efforts and the changes I am making to prepare for life after surgery. I was not told that I had to lose any percentage or amount of weight prior to surgery, so I'm just going to keep working hard and eating right. In July I go back to Springfield for my first two classes and to meet with the nutritionist, physical therapist (for fitness discussions), and the medical people. In August I will attend a support group meeting to see what it's about (the July meeting is going to be a clothing exchange (COOL) so it won't do me any good).
I have no doubts the rest of this year is going to drag by and fly by. The hardest change I will face will be giving up carbonated beverages. I love my Diet Mt Dew, but I'm in love with the idea of living life at a healthy weight even more. I've already started preparing for that by getting used to drinking iced tea. I didn't like unsweetened tea, so I learned I could use Stevia. I tried it and liked it really well. I am going to double-check with the WLC people to be sure I can use Stevia post-surgery, but from what I read I should be able to. I want their final approval, though, because they are the experts. Of course, during my appointments, I could think of only a few questions. Afterward, I thought of 800 questions. I'm going to email them later today with my list of questions. They are very good at responding, which is awesome.
The part that excites me the most is that the physician's assistant said I should be at or very near to my goal within a year. That means when I walk across the stage to graduate with my master's degree in December 2015, I will be doing so at a healthy weight! I love that idea!
I made myself wait until Tuesday afternoon to call the WLC about seeing when I could schedule my initial consultations. The girl that answers the phone, Marissa, was an absolute angel and sorted through the faxes they had received to find mine, added it to my file, checked everything for completeness, and then scheduled me. She did not have to do that, but she did it anyway. Working in admissions for as long as I have, I know what it's like when someone calls who submitted their paperwork 35 seconds prior and then wants to know their status. So I became THAT annoying person. Sorry, Marissa! But she got me scheduled for my initial consultation and that appointment was YESTERDAY! I couldn't believe I got in that quickly.
Yesterday was like Christmas to me. I was so excited and nervous and was unsure of what to expect. I was so scared someone was going to say, "Uh, you don't meet X qualification, so you're done now. Go away!" No one said that though.
First I met with the physician's assistant. He examined me and we talked about my medical history. It's a pretty short history and can be summed up in one sentence: I've had two kids, have hypothyroidism, gallbladder came out in 2001, and torn meniscus surgery in 2013. Annnnnnnd, we're done. We also discussed which of the 3 surgeries I should have. I did not want lap-band, as I felt it was not appropriate for me. He agreed. It then came down to Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (aka VSG or "sleeve") or the Roux-en-Y (RNY or bypass) surgery. I went into the appointment with leanings toward the sleeve surgery, but I also saw benefits to the RNY. We ended up deciding together that RNY is the best bet for me. And I'm ok with that, because deep down, that was my choice from the start. They are also considerably more experienced in performing the RNY surgery, which makes me feel good with my decision. I have no doubts that the team would do an excellent job with the sleeve, too, but I like that they are more experienced with RNY.
He assured me that they will check everything over very carefully in the OR to ensure there are no leaks or problems. The complication rate is less than 5%. There will be two surgeons performing the surgery, along with their team of nurses. This is standard procedure for this clinic, and I like that. It's good to have two sets of eyes in case one picks up what the other may miss. We are all human and mistakes can happen, but with two experts dong the job, the chance of anything being missed is almost zero.
I then met with the social worker so she could assess my mental preparedness and, I'm sure, to make sure I knew what I was getting into. She asked me to explain what happens in the RNY surgery and I believe I told her way more than she was expecting. What can I say? I'm the Queen of Research and I know my stuff. I've watched countless YouTube videos on the procedure and read numerous articles. I know what to expect after surgery, too. I am fully cognizant of the changes that I will need to make in my life to prepare for my new life. I am ready to make those changes. I feel like I have a pretty good support system, too. We talked about all of that and she pronounced me ready and capable of handling this. I do not have to see her again.
I asked both of them if it was possible to do the surgery in December. They both felt it was able to be done. Doing it in December would allow me extra time for recovery because the University is closed from December 24 to January 1. It's also a slower time in our office. So that is what we are shooting for!
Next up, I will meet with my primary care doctor once a month for six months, starting June 25. She will monitor my weight loss efforts and the changes I am making to prepare for life after surgery. I was not told that I had to lose any percentage or amount of weight prior to surgery, so I'm just going to keep working hard and eating right. In July I go back to Springfield for my first two classes and to meet with the nutritionist, physical therapist (for fitness discussions), and the medical people. In August I will attend a support group meeting to see what it's about (the July meeting is going to be a clothing exchange (COOL) so it won't do me any good).
I have no doubts the rest of this year is going to drag by and fly by. The hardest change I will face will be giving up carbonated beverages. I love my Diet Mt Dew, but I'm in love with the idea of living life at a healthy weight even more. I've already started preparing for that by getting used to drinking iced tea. I didn't like unsweetened tea, so I learned I could use Stevia. I tried it and liked it really well. I am going to double-check with the WLC people to be sure I can use Stevia post-surgery, but from what I read I should be able to. I want their final approval, though, because they are the experts. Of course, during my appointments, I could think of only a few questions. Afterward, I thought of 800 questions. I'm going to email them later today with my list of questions. They are very good at responding, which is awesome.
The part that excites me the most is that the physician's assistant said I should be at or very near to my goal within a year. That means when I walk across the stage to graduate with my master's degree in December 2015, I will be doing so at a healthy weight! I love that idea!
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Stumbling Blocks
I seem to be unable to accomplish things in my life without encountering stumbling blocks. Instead of becoming angry or upset, I (mostly) laugh because it is so crazy sometimes. For instance, getting started on this surgical process, I encountered a stumbling block a few weeks ago that sort of became a comedy of errors.
I called the bariatric center on May 28 (Wednesday) to find out if they had everything they needed so I could schedule my first consultation so that I can finally know if this is going to be an option for me. (Although the Weight Loss Clinic people said it was, I won't believe it until the surgical people tell me it is.) The nice young lady I spoke to dropped the bomb that my primary care doctor refused to fill out the (required) referral form and wrote on it that he was leaving, so I should have my new PCP fill it out. Um, he's what?!?!?!?!
So I frantically called my PCP's office, only to speak to some bitter older woman who unkindly informed me a letter was sent (I didn't receive) and that the information was published in the newspaper. I responded that I lived 30 miles away and did not read that town's newspaper! I don't even read the newspaper in my own town! Geesh.
Then I began to frantically try to find another doctor. I called the first one who said he was taking new patients. Yes, they were taking new patients, but he's booked up until the end of July. Ok, let's try another one. The next one was also taking new patients...BUT...only on the first of the month. What? The nice receptionist said I had to call back on Monday, June 2 - since the 1st was a Sunday - and if I was one of the first 20 callers, I would be accepted. Wow, I love radio call-ins as much as the next person, but I'm not going to play a game to see if I can get into a doctor. I'm sure that method works great for them, but I do not care to participate. Is that how they schedule appointments, too? "Gee, sorry to hear you are sick, but she will only treat you on the 5th of the month. If you're the 9th caller, you can get in to see her, PLUS you'll win a meet and greet to see the band backstage!" No.
However she did tell me about another doctor who was accepting patients. I called that office and could get in to see that doctor's nurse practitioner the following Wednesday. I'LL TAKE IT! Then I checked my insurance online to make sure that doctor was covered. She was not. I called the company to be sure, and apparently she was. Whew! So they changed my PCP to the new lady and I was set. Except for the part where I had to convince the new nurse practitioner to fill out the referral form.
I dreaded my appointment and was so nervous. I didn't know what I was going to do if she wouldn't fill it out. The day finally came and I headed off to my appointment, not knowing what to expect. Of anything, I truly did not expect to be there for two hours. But I was. I waited 45 minutes to be called back, and then I was with the nurse practitioner for almost an hour, going over my history. WOWSERS!
Basically, I am extremely healthy. My blood pressure was "amazing" according to the nurse that checked me in. I'd just had a bunch of lab work done and we went over that. My A1C, which checks your last 3 months blood sugar, was good so I have no pre-diabetes lurking, and no diabetes. My cholesterol was slightly high, as was my bad cholesterol. My good cholesterol was also high, which is a good thing. My vitamin D was low, which she said was to be expected after winter.
We finally discussed the referral and she was reluctant to fill it out because my BMI was 39.25 or something. It must be 40 or higher to have surgery without any co-morbidities. Since I'm so dang healthy, I have NO co-morbidities. She finally agreed and said it would be sent in, along with her notes from our visit, by Monday evening.
I'm hoping to call the surgical center this coming week to get my initial consultation scheduled so that I'll finally feel like I'm getting started! I'm not a patient person and this is making me crazy. I've also had second thoughts on whether this is right for me. I get scared thinking of what changes will happen before and after surgery. Basically, I'm just doing what I do when it comes to big decisions like this and I'm having doubts. It is a scary, scary thing to think about. And it's life-changing. I'm not backing out on the consultation, because I trust these people to tell me if this is the right thing for me. They have been in practice for a long time and they are the experts. I continue with my research and talking to those who have had surgery. Some days I'm convinced it's right, and other days I have doubts. I think this is normal.
I've already had one family member who is not thrilled with my decision. There may be others, but they haven't voiced their opinion to me yet. That's ok. Not everyone IS going to agree with this. Just like I don't agree with all of their decisions in their life. However, I'm the one who has to live this life and they are the ones who have to live their own lives. We're all entitled to our own opinions, and I'm ok with that, as long as people are respectful about it.
In other news, I got the syllabus for my next grad class. It actually starts June 30 and ends July 25. So I have 4 weeks in which to cram 16 weeks of learning. He sent the syllabus early so that we could get an early start, and I'm taking advantage of it!
We also started the summer exercise challenge in my little town and I'm excited about it! I hope to take part in some of the longer bike rides they have and some of the other events. I'm going to have to get a newspaper to find out when things are being held, though. Haha!
Does your town offer any type of exercise program? Ours is free thanks to a grant. If not, have you thought about getting one started? Do you think people would take advantage? I'm always surprised at how few take advantage of this one. It's rather sad, actually.
I called the bariatric center on May 28 (Wednesday) to find out if they had everything they needed so I could schedule my first consultation so that I can finally know if this is going to be an option for me. (Although the Weight Loss Clinic people said it was, I won't believe it until the surgical people tell me it is.) The nice young lady I spoke to dropped the bomb that my primary care doctor refused to fill out the (required) referral form and wrote on it that he was leaving, so I should have my new PCP fill it out. Um, he's what?!?!?!?!
So I frantically called my PCP's office, only to speak to some bitter older woman who unkindly informed me a letter was sent (I didn't receive) and that the information was published in the newspaper. I responded that I lived 30 miles away and did not read that town's newspaper! I don't even read the newspaper in my own town! Geesh.
Then I began to frantically try to find another doctor. I called the first one who said he was taking new patients. Yes, they were taking new patients, but he's booked up until the end of July. Ok, let's try another one. The next one was also taking new patients...BUT...only on the first of the month. What? The nice receptionist said I had to call back on Monday, June 2 - since the 1st was a Sunday - and if I was one of the first 20 callers, I would be accepted. Wow, I love radio call-ins as much as the next person, but I'm not going to play a game to see if I can get into a doctor. I'm sure that method works great for them, but I do not care to participate. Is that how they schedule appointments, too? "Gee, sorry to hear you are sick, but she will only treat you on the 5th of the month. If you're the 9th caller, you can get in to see her, PLUS you'll win a meet and greet to see the band backstage!" No.
However she did tell me about another doctor who was accepting patients. I called that office and could get in to see that doctor's nurse practitioner the following Wednesday. I'LL TAKE IT! Then I checked my insurance online to make sure that doctor was covered. She was not. I called the company to be sure, and apparently she was. Whew! So they changed my PCP to the new lady and I was set. Except for the part where I had to convince the new nurse practitioner to fill out the referral form.
I dreaded my appointment and was so nervous. I didn't know what I was going to do if she wouldn't fill it out. The day finally came and I headed off to my appointment, not knowing what to expect. Of anything, I truly did not expect to be there for two hours. But I was. I waited 45 minutes to be called back, and then I was with the nurse practitioner for almost an hour, going over my history. WOWSERS!
Basically, I am extremely healthy. My blood pressure was "amazing" according to the nurse that checked me in. I'd just had a bunch of lab work done and we went over that. My A1C, which checks your last 3 months blood sugar, was good so I have no pre-diabetes lurking, and no diabetes. My cholesterol was slightly high, as was my bad cholesterol. My good cholesterol was also high, which is a good thing. My vitamin D was low, which she said was to be expected after winter.
We finally discussed the referral and she was reluctant to fill it out because my BMI was 39.25 or something. It must be 40 or higher to have surgery without any co-morbidities. Since I'm so dang healthy, I have NO co-morbidities. She finally agreed and said it would be sent in, along with her notes from our visit, by Monday evening.
I'm hoping to call the surgical center this coming week to get my initial consultation scheduled so that I'll finally feel like I'm getting started! I'm not a patient person and this is making me crazy. I've also had second thoughts on whether this is right for me. I get scared thinking of what changes will happen before and after surgery. Basically, I'm just doing what I do when it comes to big decisions like this and I'm having doubts. It is a scary, scary thing to think about. And it's life-changing. I'm not backing out on the consultation, because I trust these people to tell me if this is the right thing for me. They have been in practice for a long time and they are the experts. I continue with my research and talking to those who have had surgery. Some days I'm convinced it's right, and other days I have doubts. I think this is normal.
I've already had one family member who is not thrilled with my decision. There may be others, but they haven't voiced their opinion to me yet. That's ok. Not everyone IS going to agree with this. Just like I don't agree with all of their decisions in their life. However, I'm the one who has to live this life and they are the ones who have to live their own lives. We're all entitled to our own opinions, and I'm ok with that, as long as people are respectful about it.
In other news, I got the syllabus for my next grad class. It actually starts June 30 and ends July 25. So I have 4 weeks in which to cram 16 weeks of learning. He sent the syllabus early so that we could get an early start, and I'm taking advantage of it!
We also started the summer exercise challenge in my little town and I'm excited about it! I hope to take part in some of the longer bike rides they have and some of the other events. I'm going to have to get a newspaper to find out when things are being held, though. Haha!
Does your town offer any type of exercise program? Ours is free thanks to a grant. If not, have you thought about getting one started? Do you think people would take advantage? I'm always surprised at how few take advantage of this one. It's rather sad, actually.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Decision Made
After a great deal of research and discussion, I made the decision this week to begin the process for weight loss surgery. This was not an easy decision by any means. This is not something I rushed into, either. This is not something that everyone is going to agree with, however, this is something I feel is right for me.
I have been trying to lose weight for many years, with minimal success. I've tried every diet under the sun, too. I can exercise until the cows come home, but this weight just will not come off now. Age? Metabolism? I don't know but I'm tired of getting no results.
Weight loss surgery is a TOOL. It is a very powerful, irreversible tool. There will be work to be done leading up to the surgery, and there will be work to be done every single day after the surgery. It is not a magic fix. They don't do the surgery and then I can eat whatever I want and lose, lose, lose. I still have to eat healthy and exercise. That will never stop. There will never come a day when I can say, "I am done." and then start eating junk. I will have good days and I will have bad days, just like everyone else. This will not make my marriage perfect, my job perfect, my kids perfect, or any other aspect of my life perfect. I will still have disagreements with my husband. Things at work will stress me out. My kids will continue to make me nuts. My life will still be just as crazy at is it now, but I will be seeing success on the scale if I'm doing the work.
This will not be a fast process, either, and I may not even be approved by the doctor. I have to see a team, similar to that which I worked with at the weight loss clinic. I will have to meet with a nurse practitioner, nutritionist, physical therapist, and psychologist. There will be classes to take and support groups to attend. I plan to continue to research and read as much as I can about this. I've found some great forums online and am currently lurking, reading. I have a friend who just had the surgery and I'm talking to her to gain her fresh perspective, and a friend who had the surgery 5 1/2 years ago and has kept a great deal of weight off. I have different questions for each of these ladies and they are kind enough to share their experiences with me.
If you don't agree with my decision, that's ok. I'm the one that has to live with it, not you, so it's ok. Only my husband knows exactly what I've been going through because he's watched me suffer, struggle, and he's been the one to wipe up my tears when I step on the scale and have to face a gain when there should be a loss. He knows and he supports this decision. As my biggest supporter and best friend, his support is the only one I really need.
I've submitted the paperwork to the Bariatric Center at Memorial Hospital in Springfield and I'm just waiting for them to schedule my first appointment. Of course, you know I will be keeping you all up to date on this process. I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish and I think this is my best opportunity for reaching those goals. I hope you will all stick along for the ride. I promise, it's going to get pretty exciting! There are going to be more 5Ks, some 10Ks, half marathons, maybe a full marathon, some obstacle course runs, and maybe even some triathlons! Yes, those are all things I want to do! And I will do them!
Are you ready? I am.
I have been trying to lose weight for many years, with minimal success. I've tried every diet under the sun, too. I can exercise until the cows come home, but this weight just will not come off now. Age? Metabolism? I don't know but I'm tired of getting no results.
Weight loss surgery is a TOOL. It is a very powerful, irreversible tool. There will be work to be done leading up to the surgery, and there will be work to be done every single day after the surgery. It is not a magic fix. They don't do the surgery and then I can eat whatever I want and lose, lose, lose. I still have to eat healthy and exercise. That will never stop. There will never come a day when I can say, "I am done." and then start eating junk. I will have good days and I will have bad days, just like everyone else. This will not make my marriage perfect, my job perfect, my kids perfect, or any other aspect of my life perfect. I will still have disagreements with my husband. Things at work will stress me out. My kids will continue to make me nuts. My life will still be just as crazy at is it now, but I will be seeing success on the scale if I'm doing the work.
This will not be a fast process, either, and I may not even be approved by the doctor. I have to see a team, similar to that which I worked with at the weight loss clinic. I will have to meet with a nurse practitioner, nutritionist, physical therapist, and psychologist. There will be classes to take and support groups to attend. I plan to continue to research and read as much as I can about this. I've found some great forums online and am currently lurking, reading. I have a friend who just had the surgery and I'm talking to her to gain her fresh perspective, and a friend who had the surgery 5 1/2 years ago and has kept a great deal of weight off. I have different questions for each of these ladies and they are kind enough to share their experiences with me.
If you don't agree with my decision, that's ok. I'm the one that has to live with it, not you, so it's ok. Only my husband knows exactly what I've been going through because he's watched me suffer, struggle, and he's been the one to wipe up my tears when I step on the scale and have to face a gain when there should be a loss. He knows and he supports this decision. As my biggest supporter and best friend, his support is the only one I really need.
I've submitted the paperwork to the Bariatric Center at Memorial Hospital in Springfield and I'm just waiting for them to schedule my first appointment. Of course, you know I will be keeping you all up to date on this process. I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish and I think this is my best opportunity for reaching those goals. I hope you will all stick along for the ride. I promise, it's going to get pretty exciting! There are going to be more 5Ks, some 10Ks, half marathons, maybe a full marathon, some obstacle course runs, and maybe even some triathlons! Yes, those are all things I want to do! And I will do them!
Are you ready? I am.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Catch up
It's been a few weeks since I last posted, I know. I've had a lot going on and a lot on my mind. I finished up my two grad classes and I'm still getting used to no homework. I'm now 14 hours into my master's degree (still with a 4.0 gpa! WOO!) with 21 hours to go. If things go according to plan I will graduate in December 2015. I can't wait!
Speaking of wait/weight, I don't even know what to say. It's all over the place. Last week I was down 5 lbs and this week I'm up 2 lbs. I guess that's still a loss of 3 lbs, though, so I'll take it. I have been doing a LOT of thinking about and researching weight loss surgery. I am very strongly leaning toward it right now. It's a decision for me and me alone, though, regardless of what anyone else thinks or wants me to do.
Only my husband and I know exactly how hard I have been working at this weight loss and the lack of results make me want to cry. I would love to be able to inspire everyone and say that it's so simple - eat less, move more! But it's not working for my body for whatever reason. I can only bang my head against a wall so many times before I have to stop because it hurts. And it's starting to hurt a LOT. Surgery, however is not a cure-all or a magic fix. It's a tool. A very, very powerful, irreversible tool. And this is a hard decision.
I met with the HyVee Dietitian for the last time on Wednesday and was disappointed to see that my weight was up 6 or 8 lbs from what I started with at my first visit with her in January. She wanted me to reduce my calories even further but I'm scared. What happens if I do reduce them and lose a little and stall again? I cannot keep reducing, reducing, reducing until I am taking in nothing, can I? I don't think it will do anything, but I will try tweaking my calories for a bit to see what happens. If I am not comfortable with the tweaks, I'll go back to where I am now. I'm already relatively low carb, which I didn't even realize until I started looking back at my entries on MyFitnessPal. I was a little surprised by it, but Jennifer was not. She's a smart cookie, that one.
In other news, my youngest son and I went to St. Louis last weekend for the 2014 Heart Walk at Busch Stadium. We walked 3 miles around the streets of downtown St. Louis and ended with a walk around the field at the stadium. It was very, very cool to be down there, even though I'm not a big baseball fan any more. Back in the day, though, I was a huge Cardinals fan and that will never change. My idol, Ozzie Smith, was the honorary chair of the event and I was really hoping we would get to meet him, but the opportunity never even came up. He did give a speech before the race, but it was so noisy it was hard to hear.
Yesterday, Nick and I traveled to Quincy to take part in our 2nd Bridge the Gap 5K walk. The finisher medals we got were incredible! They were huge, heavy and on a nice wide ribbon. It felt like we were Olympic champions almost! Next year Nick wants to run the 5K. I want to try it too. I hope I am able. Then maybe the following year we'll do the 10K, and then the half marathon! Oh yeah, I have big dreams. One way or another they WILL come true.
I'm not sure what our next race will be. There's one in Mt. Sterling in June that I'd like to do and I might try running a little at that one. We'll see. I also want to get my bike out and go for rides. It needs a little work, which my husband has promised to complete this week. I also need to get a bike helmet. And probably a big pillow to pad my butt. LOL
What kinds of plans do you have to stay active this summer? Do you like to participate in organized events? If so, what is your most favorite that you've done?
Speaking of wait/weight, I don't even know what to say. It's all over the place. Last week I was down 5 lbs and this week I'm up 2 lbs. I guess that's still a loss of 3 lbs, though, so I'll take it. I have been doing a LOT of thinking about and researching weight loss surgery. I am very strongly leaning toward it right now. It's a decision for me and me alone, though, regardless of what anyone else thinks or wants me to do.
Only my husband and I know exactly how hard I have been working at this weight loss and the lack of results make me want to cry. I would love to be able to inspire everyone and say that it's so simple - eat less, move more! But it's not working for my body for whatever reason. I can only bang my head against a wall so many times before I have to stop because it hurts. And it's starting to hurt a LOT. Surgery, however is not a cure-all or a magic fix. It's a tool. A very, very powerful, irreversible tool. And this is a hard decision.
I met with the HyVee Dietitian for the last time on Wednesday and was disappointed to see that my weight was up 6 or 8 lbs from what I started with at my first visit with her in January. She wanted me to reduce my calories even further but I'm scared. What happens if I do reduce them and lose a little and stall again? I cannot keep reducing, reducing, reducing until I am taking in nothing, can I? I don't think it will do anything, but I will try tweaking my calories for a bit to see what happens. If I am not comfortable with the tweaks, I'll go back to where I am now. I'm already relatively low carb, which I didn't even realize until I started looking back at my entries on MyFitnessPal. I was a little surprised by it, but Jennifer was not. She's a smart cookie, that one.
In other news, my youngest son and I went to St. Louis last weekend for the 2014 Heart Walk at Busch Stadium. We walked 3 miles around the streets of downtown St. Louis and ended with a walk around the field at the stadium. It was very, very cool to be down there, even though I'm not a big baseball fan any more. Back in the day, though, I was a huge Cardinals fan and that will never change. My idol, Ozzie Smith, was the honorary chair of the event and I was really hoping we would get to meet him, but the opportunity never even came up. He did give a speech before the race, but it was so noisy it was hard to hear.
Yesterday, Nick and I traveled to Quincy to take part in our 2nd Bridge the Gap 5K walk. The finisher medals we got were incredible! They were huge, heavy and on a nice wide ribbon. It felt like we were Olympic champions almost! Next year Nick wants to run the 5K. I want to try it too. I hope I am able. Then maybe the following year we'll do the 10K, and then the half marathon! Oh yeah, I have big dreams. One way or another they WILL come true.
I'm not sure what our next race will be. There's one in Mt. Sterling in June that I'd like to do and I might try running a little at that one. We'll see. I also want to get my bike out and go for rides. It needs a little work, which my husband has promised to complete this week. I also need to get a bike helmet. And probably a big pillow to pad my butt. LOL
What kinds of plans do you have to stay active this summer? Do you like to participate in organized events? If so, what is your most favorite that you've done?
Monday, April 28, 2014
Weight Loss Clinic Visit
I wanted to write about this while it's all still fresh in my mind. It's been a long and overwhelming day. I got to the clinic around 7a and we got started filling out papers. There were 3 other people in the clinic with me, 2 ladies and a man. We were each called individually to meet with a physical therapist, a nutritionist, nurse practitioner, and psychologist. The appointments lasted about an hour each.
Basically they each told me I was doing everything right and by all accounts I should be losing weight. But I'm not. And I'm gaining, gaining, gaining. Twenty pounds to be exact.
They told me that I was actually the ideal candidate for surgery. I am tracking my food, I am exercising regularly, and I have developed coping mechanisms to deal with emotional eating and stuff like that. These are things they teach patients in this clinic and those that are preparing for bariatric surgery. So I'm sort of ahead of the game by quite a bit.
The physical therapist had a couple of suggestions for tweaking my exercise and I will begin trying her suggestions ASAP. The nurse practitioner ordered an array of labs which I will have drawn in the next day or two. Depending on what they show, she may order some changes. Based on my history, I'm pretty sure she's not going to find any problems. The nutritionist told me to keep doing what I'm doing and keep tracking my food. The psychologist really had nothing to add.
I go back in a month to see the NP and nutritionist. The PT and psych said they don't need to see me for 3 months. I have to attend some mandatory classes in June, but they told me I probably already knew what they would teach in the classes, but I had to do them anyway as part of the program.
The one thing that was kind of nice was hearing the compliments on my fitness level and my efforts thus far. The frustrating thing is that no one has an answer as to why I can't lose and why the gains are happening. I really didn't think I'd get a black and white answer, to be honest, but I was kind of hoping.
If I don't see some results in the next 3 months, I can be referred to the bariatric people for weight loss surgery if I so desire. Do I? I don't know. Part of me does not. I want to do it the "old-fashioned way" and people have a tendency to look down their noses at those who have undergone surgery. There are many people in my life who are against this choice for me. Quite frankly, I don't care because they are not the ones that have to live my life. Weight loss surgery is not an EASY option. It comes with its own set of struggles and issues.
Part of me is willing to undergo surgery if it will help me lose weight. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating it is to work so hard and get nothing for my efforts. I cannot continue to do this if I don't start seeing some results soon. If something doesn't happen, I'm going to throw in the towel and my weight is going to spiral out of control. I know me. I know my limits and I'm almost there. Something has to give!
This is not a decision I will make lightly and I will definitely not make it without putting a lot of research and thought into it. It's not something I have to decide tonight, this month, or even next month. Whatever I decide will be what's right for ME and my life.
Basically they each told me I was doing everything right and by all accounts I should be losing weight. But I'm not. And I'm gaining, gaining, gaining. Twenty pounds to be exact.
They told me that I was actually the ideal candidate for surgery. I am tracking my food, I am exercising regularly, and I have developed coping mechanisms to deal with emotional eating and stuff like that. These are things they teach patients in this clinic and those that are preparing for bariatric surgery. So I'm sort of ahead of the game by quite a bit.
The physical therapist had a couple of suggestions for tweaking my exercise and I will begin trying her suggestions ASAP. The nurse practitioner ordered an array of labs which I will have drawn in the next day or two. Depending on what they show, she may order some changes. Based on my history, I'm pretty sure she's not going to find any problems. The nutritionist told me to keep doing what I'm doing and keep tracking my food. The psychologist really had nothing to add.
I go back in a month to see the NP and nutritionist. The PT and psych said they don't need to see me for 3 months. I have to attend some mandatory classes in June, but they told me I probably already knew what they would teach in the classes, but I had to do them anyway as part of the program.
The one thing that was kind of nice was hearing the compliments on my fitness level and my efforts thus far. The frustrating thing is that no one has an answer as to why I can't lose and why the gains are happening. I really didn't think I'd get a black and white answer, to be honest, but I was kind of hoping.
If I don't see some results in the next 3 months, I can be referred to the bariatric people for weight loss surgery if I so desire. Do I? I don't know. Part of me does not. I want to do it the "old-fashioned way" and people have a tendency to look down their noses at those who have undergone surgery. There are many people in my life who are against this choice for me. Quite frankly, I don't care because they are not the ones that have to live my life. Weight loss surgery is not an EASY option. It comes with its own set of struggles and issues.
Part of me is willing to undergo surgery if it will help me lose weight. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating it is to work so hard and get nothing for my efforts. I cannot continue to do this if I don't start seeing some results soon. If something doesn't happen, I'm going to throw in the towel and my weight is going to spiral out of control. I know me. I know my limits and I'm almost there. Something has to give!
This is not a decision I will make lightly and I will definitely not make it without putting a lot of research and thought into it. It's not something I have to decide tonight, this month, or even next month. Whatever I decide will be what's right for ME and my life.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
So many, many things going on!
Last Saturday I was astounded to get on the scale and see that I'd gained 5 lbs. Yes, FIVE pounds. I have no idea where it came from, but it was very disheartening to see. On Wednesday morning, I just did a quick check to see where I was and I was up 2.5 more lbs.
I decided I needed help in figuring this out and getting a plan together, so I called the Memorial Weight Loss and Wellness Center. I spoke to them for almost an hour and got a lot of my questions answered. I have an appointment for my Global Health Assessment tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. in Springfield. I will meet with a doctor, a physical therapist, nutritionist, and counselor, among others. It is a 4-hour appointment, so this will be exhausting, I'm sure. After their assessments, they will meet and decide the best course of treatment for me. I am not interested in their physical therapy as I am already taking care of that. If I like their plan and feel it will benefit me, I will go to Springfield once a month to meet with the doctor and do whatever I need to do. If I think it's a waste of time, I can just walk away. I feel like I have to at least try.
On Friday I met with my endocrinologist to talk about my inability to lose weight and these sudden gains I'm experiencing. Mathematically, they make no sense and shouldn't be happening. According to my Fitbit report I get weekly, I am in a deficit between what I'm eating and what I'm burning. Therefore, I should be losing! But I'm NOT!
We talked for 40 minutes about a lot of different things. She went over my labs from the past 2 years and we discussed the results in detail. I feel like I have a better grasp of this disease now. She did agree to increase my medication so I do hope it will help. She also wants to see me every 3 months and keep a closer eye on my levels. So I'll be getting lab work done every 3 months as well. She wanted to change my meds, but right now I want to get this weight loss thing going, so I prefer to stay on what I'm on for now. Once I get that sorted out, I am not opposed to trying a different medication. I just worry about changing too much at once.
So yesterday I weighed in and was happy to see I'd lost 1.5 lbs. I wish I was more, considering this was of the 5 lb surprise gain, but I'm happy with a loss. Nick and I also went to Macomb to do the Inaugural Purple and Gold Rocky 5K Run/Walk. We had a great time and we weren't last. We were close, though. Even if we were, I told Nick it didn't matter because Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which is greater than Did Not Start. We won because we were out there doing it and not sitting on our butts. For a $15 registration fee we got a really nice Under Armour moisture wicking race shirt. I was surprised that it was so nice considered the inexpensive fee. I've paid more for races and got cheap cotton shirts that shrank 3 sizes in the first wash. So BONUS!
I dread having to get up at 5a tomorrow to make it to Springfield in time for this appointment, but I'm also anxious to hear what their suggestions might be. I will not do something weird, such as drinking meal replacement shakes, or buy boxed foods, or go on a super-restrictive diet. I refuse. I want to do something that I can do for LIFE. I will not drink a shake for life, I'm not going to eat pre-packaged food all the time for the rest of my life, and I'm not going to restrict myself from eating any food groups. If it works for you, that's great because that is YOUR life, not mine. That's not how I want to live. I'm not asking anyone to follow exactly what I do, either. What I do won't necessarily work in your life. Stepping off that soapbox...
I also met with Dietitian Jennifer for my next-to-last meeting last week! It's been a very good experience working with her, even if my weight hasn't moved in the right direction. I still feel that I've learned a lot and have become very aware of some of my attitudes and feelings toward food. We had some discussion and then she took me on another tour of the store. I had already seen most of what she showed me, but it was good to get a refresher because I had forgotten about some of the products.
This time she told me about chia seeds and gave me a sample to take home and try. Some feel that chia seeds aid in weight loss because they will swell up to 10 times their size in water. The theory is that if you ingest them, they will do that in your stomach, making you feel fuller faster and for a longer period of time. I'm not sure I buy into that, but they are also a great source of Omega-3s, so I figure it can't hurt.
She also encouraged me to try Activia yogurt and suggested adding some Kashi Go Lean cereal. So I got all of that and added the chia seeds to the yogurt, along with the granola stuff. It was very, very tasty. However, if you have never had Activia and the granola, you should be aware that Activia is an ancient Indian word for "cleans colon." Kashi is a Japanese word for "with pain." So when you mix the two...it's not exactly a delightful walk in the park. At least that was MY experience. I would use caution when trying these foods and be sure you are near a restroom in which you feel comfortable being for a slightly extended period of time. And that's all I'm going to say about THAT.
In other news, only a couple of weeks left in this semester and I'm so glad. Once it is over, I will have the rest of May and all of June to devote to ME, ME, ME! My online class starts July 1 and ends July 25, so it will be an intense time and I will not have much ME time. In the Fall, I'm taking 2 Weekend Academy classes, which will be a new experience. Each class only meets 3 weekends. One of them is on Fridays from 5p - 10p and Saturday from 8a - 6p. The other one meets Sat/Sun from 8a - 5p. Of course they are all on different weekends. This will start in September and I will be done in early November. I'm not sure what my time for me will be like, but I think I will still have time to workout through the week.
How are things in your life? What is your weight loss/get healthy plan like? What are the things you absolutely refuse to do in order to lose weight (drink daily shake, take pills, etc)? Any upcoming 5Ks in the area you are doing?
I decided I needed help in figuring this out and getting a plan together, so I called the Memorial Weight Loss and Wellness Center. I spoke to them for almost an hour and got a lot of my questions answered. I have an appointment for my Global Health Assessment tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. in Springfield. I will meet with a doctor, a physical therapist, nutritionist, and counselor, among others. It is a 4-hour appointment, so this will be exhausting, I'm sure. After their assessments, they will meet and decide the best course of treatment for me. I am not interested in their physical therapy as I am already taking care of that. If I like their plan and feel it will benefit me, I will go to Springfield once a month to meet with the doctor and do whatever I need to do. If I think it's a waste of time, I can just walk away. I feel like I have to at least try.
On Friday I met with my endocrinologist to talk about my inability to lose weight and these sudden gains I'm experiencing. Mathematically, they make no sense and shouldn't be happening. According to my Fitbit report I get weekly, I am in a deficit between what I'm eating and what I'm burning. Therefore, I should be losing! But I'm NOT!
We talked for 40 minutes about a lot of different things. She went over my labs from the past 2 years and we discussed the results in detail. I feel like I have a better grasp of this disease now. She did agree to increase my medication so I do hope it will help. She also wants to see me every 3 months and keep a closer eye on my levels. So I'll be getting lab work done every 3 months as well. She wanted to change my meds, but right now I want to get this weight loss thing going, so I prefer to stay on what I'm on for now. Once I get that sorted out, I am not opposed to trying a different medication. I just worry about changing too much at once.
So yesterday I weighed in and was happy to see I'd lost 1.5 lbs. I wish I was more, considering this was of the 5 lb surprise gain, but I'm happy with a loss. Nick and I also went to Macomb to do the Inaugural Purple and Gold Rocky 5K Run/Walk. We had a great time and we weren't last. We were close, though. Even if we were, I told Nick it didn't matter because Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which is greater than Did Not Start. We won because we were out there doing it and not sitting on our butts. For a $15 registration fee we got a really nice Under Armour moisture wicking race shirt. I was surprised that it was so nice considered the inexpensive fee. I've paid more for races and got cheap cotton shirts that shrank 3 sizes in the first wash. So BONUS!
I dread having to get up at 5a tomorrow to make it to Springfield in time for this appointment, but I'm also anxious to hear what their suggestions might be. I will not do something weird, such as drinking meal replacement shakes, or buy boxed foods, or go on a super-restrictive diet. I refuse. I want to do something that I can do for LIFE. I will not drink a shake for life, I'm not going to eat pre-packaged food all the time for the rest of my life, and I'm not going to restrict myself from eating any food groups. If it works for you, that's great because that is YOUR life, not mine. That's not how I want to live. I'm not asking anyone to follow exactly what I do, either. What I do won't necessarily work in your life. Stepping off that soapbox...
I also met with Dietitian Jennifer for my next-to-last meeting last week! It's been a very good experience working with her, even if my weight hasn't moved in the right direction. I still feel that I've learned a lot and have become very aware of some of my attitudes and feelings toward food. We had some discussion and then she took me on another tour of the store. I had already seen most of what she showed me, but it was good to get a refresher because I had forgotten about some of the products.
This time she told me about chia seeds and gave me a sample to take home and try. Some feel that chia seeds aid in weight loss because they will swell up to 10 times their size in water. The theory is that if you ingest them, they will do that in your stomach, making you feel fuller faster and for a longer period of time. I'm not sure I buy into that, but they are also a great source of Omega-3s, so I figure it can't hurt.
She also encouraged me to try Activia yogurt and suggested adding some Kashi Go Lean cereal. So I got all of that and added the chia seeds to the yogurt, along with the granola stuff. It was very, very tasty. However, if you have never had Activia and the granola, you should be aware that Activia is an ancient Indian word for "cleans colon." Kashi is a Japanese word for "with pain." So when you mix the two...it's not exactly a delightful walk in the park. At least that was MY experience. I would use caution when trying these foods and be sure you are near a restroom in which you feel comfortable being for a slightly extended period of time. And that's all I'm going to say about THAT.
In other news, only a couple of weeks left in this semester and I'm so glad. Once it is over, I will have the rest of May and all of June to devote to ME, ME, ME! My online class starts July 1 and ends July 25, so it will be an intense time and I will not have much ME time. In the Fall, I'm taking 2 Weekend Academy classes, which will be a new experience. Each class only meets 3 weekends. One of them is on Fridays from 5p - 10p and Saturday from 8a - 6p. The other one meets Sat/Sun from 8a - 5p. Of course they are all on different weekends. This will start in September and I will be done in early November. I'm not sure what my time for me will be like, but I think I will still have time to workout through the week.
How are things in your life? What is your weight loss/get healthy plan like? What are the things you absolutely refuse to do in order to lose weight (drink daily shake, take pills, etc)? Any upcoming 5Ks in the area you are doing?
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Heading in the right direction
Ok, since we last talked I celebrated a birthday, so I'm a little older but not any wiser. I hope that part kicks in soon because I could use some wisdom. Last week I gained 2.25 lbs. I didn't work out as much and I wasn't as careful with my eating, so I wasn't surprised. However I got my act back together and I have lost 3 lbs this week.
One of the things that really helped me was to call my endocrinologist and schedule an appointment to see the actual doctor. I've been working with the nurse practitioner, and while I feel NPs play an important role in health care, there are just some times when it's better to talk to the doctor. This is one. I also requested they fax my last set of labs to me so I can see the numbers for myself. The NP had told me they were all fine in early March. Well, one of the levels was actually low and could be causing this weight to not come off. I see my endocrinologist on April 25.
In preparation for the appointment, I asked Dietitian Jennifer to write a letter to her that explains what we've been doing. She agreed and gave me the letter at my appointment on Wednesday. It basically outlines the changes we have implemented and points out that I've lost 1 lb since late January. That's not very impressive for the work I've put into this. It's absolutely maddening, to be honest! I hope the endocrinologist is open to listening and will help me figure out what's wrong with my body. The previous endo that I was seeing at that office has retired, so I've not met this lady yet.
I also cashed in my certificate for a training program that I won in the Biggest Loser contest. On Tuesday, I spoke with the trainer creating it at length about my goals, how often I wanted to work out, etc. He is working on it and will let me know when it's ready. Hopefully this week.
We're coming into the final weeks of this semester and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I have lots of homework waiting for me, as usual. I can't wait for Spring 2014 semester to end so I can enjoy a few weeks of vacation. July 1 I'll start again with a 4-week summer class. It will be stressful, but I'll be ready!
Hope everyone in this area is able to get out and enjoy the weather! It's 75 degrees out right now which is a lovely change after the horribly cold winter we just came out of. I think I'm going to take my textbook outside and sit and read.
How has your week been going? Successes? Failures? If you've hit a bump, let it just be a bump and do not let it derail you. Think of your progress and the good you are doing for your body. The number on the scale isn't where I want it to be, but working out and eating right are more important for my overall health. It is for yours, too!
One of the things that really helped me was to call my endocrinologist and schedule an appointment to see the actual doctor. I've been working with the nurse practitioner, and while I feel NPs play an important role in health care, there are just some times when it's better to talk to the doctor. This is one. I also requested they fax my last set of labs to me so I can see the numbers for myself. The NP had told me they were all fine in early March. Well, one of the levels was actually low and could be causing this weight to not come off. I see my endocrinologist on April 25.
In preparation for the appointment, I asked Dietitian Jennifer to write a letter to her that explains what we've been doing. She agreed and gave me the letter at my appointment on Wednesday. It basically outlines the changes we have implemented and points out that I've lost 1 lb since late January. That's not very impressive for the work I've put into this. It's absolutely maddening, to be honest! I hope the endocrinologist is open to listening and will help me figure out what's wrong with my body. The previous endo that I was seeing at that office has retired, so I've not met this lady yet.
I also cashed in my certificate for a training program that I won in the Biggest Loser contest. On Tuesday, I spoke with the trainer creating it at length about my goals, how often I wanted to work out, etc. He is working on it and will let me know when it's ready. Hopefully this week.
We're coming into the final weeks of this semester and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I have lots of homework waiting for me, as usual. I can't wait for Spring 2014 semester to end so I can enjoy a few weeks of vacation. July 1 I'll start again with a 4-week summer class. It will be stressful, but I'll be ready!
Hope everyone in this area is able to get out and enjoy the weather! It's 75 degrees out right now which is a lovely change after the horribly cold winter we just came out of. I think I'm going to take my textbook outside and sit and read.
How has your week been going? Successes? Failures? If you've hit a bump, let it just be a bump and do not let it derail you. Think of your progress and the good you are doing for your body. The number on the scale isn't where I want it to be, but working out and eating right are more important for my overall health. It is for yours, too!
Monday, March 31, 2014
WIU Biggest Loser Finale
Today was our final Biggest Loser meeting at the Rec Center. The girl that won was the one that I figured would win. She lost 16 lbs total, which is awesome for 7 weeks. I can't remember what the 2nd place girl did. I came in 3rd by default because no one else was there. I lost 3 lbs and 3 inches. Rather disappointing results for seven weeks of busting my butt and working hard, but I'm not complaining.
One of my prizes was a certificate for a training plan, which I plan to "cash in" as soon as possible. They also asked if we would be interested in participating again if they should offer it, and I definitely am. They are thinking of doing it in groups of 4, but I'm not exactly sure how that would work. Still interested! Working with the trainer was a great way for me to stay accountable and to stay motivated. The only thing I said that should be changed was the lateness of the meetings. I did not care for the 7:30 p.m. meeting time as that made for a really long day. Other than that, it was a great experience and well worth the $30 I paid to participate.
In other news, I lost 0.2 lbs this week. It's a loss but so small that I'm not even really counting it. I'm not going to lie - I'm struggling mentally with this lack of results. I cannot put into words how it feels to know you've followed the eating plan to perfection, worked your butt off to the point that your body hurts all the time....and you get nothing in return, or even worse, you see a gain. I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but after 4 solid months of this struggle, it's getting really challenging to do. I keep saying I won't give up, but I am truly feeling discouraged.
Until next week,
angie
One of my prizes was a certificate for a training plan, which I plan to "cash in" as soon as possible. They also asked if we would be interested in participating again if they should offer it, and I definitely am. They are thinking of doing it in groups of 4, but I'm not exactly sure how that would work. Still interested! Working with the trainer was a great way for me to stay accountable and to stay motivated. The only thing I said that should be changed was the lateness of the meetings. I did not care for the 7:30 p.m. meeting time as that made for a really long day. Other than that, it was a great experience and well worth the $30 I paid to participate.
In other news, I lost 0.2 lbs this week. It's a loss but so small that I'm not even really counting it. I'm not going to lie - I'm struggling mentally with this lack of results. I cannot put into words how it feels to know you've followed the eating plan to perfection, worked your butt off to the point that your body hurts all the time....and you get nothing in return, or even worse, you see a gain. I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but after 4 solid months of this struggle, it's getting really challenging to do. I keep saying I won't give up, but I am truly feeling discouraged.
Until next week,
angie
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Happy...and a little disappointed
Ok, let's get to the good stuff first! I stepped on the scale yesterday and was delighted to be greeted with a loss of 1.5 lbs this week. Oh yeah! Hopefully my slightly dyslexic body is starting to get this whole "weight loss" idea and is finally catching on. We can only hope.
The disappointing part of my week was my meeting with Dietitian Jennifer on Wednesday. Overall she is very pleased with my food log and suggested a few changes. One of them was to think about food before I consume it and ask myself, "Is this taking me closer to my goals or further from my goals?" Good idea, now I just have to remember to actually do it and then LISTEN to the answer and not ignore it. I discovered a few tweaks that I could make to help me slowly make my way toward even healthier eating. My ultimate goal is to get rid of as much processed food as possible. I'm not sure if I want to or can COMPLETELY eliminate it, but if I keep moving in the direction I'm going, it is a strong possibility. I'm a work in progress, as we all are.
The disappointment came when we began to talk about exercise. Tomorrow night is my last Biggest Loser meeting and this is my last week with my trainer. Jennifer expressed concern about me continuing to exercise, which is logical since she doesn't know me that well and she doesn't know all of my history. I assured her that I would continue with exercising as I've been doing it pretty regularly for about 4 years. Exercise is not my problem --- it's the diet part where I fall down. As I told her, I am the poster child to demonstrate that old adage, "You can't out-exercise a bad diet." You cannot. It will not work, no matter how hard you try. Well, now that my diet is much improved, I still can't seem to lose, but that's beside the point.
I was taken aback when she advised me to continue to lift weights, but to really work on the cardio because that's where I would get the biggest fat burn. I was speechless because that way of thinking is so outdated and just plain WRONG! Weight lifting is essential to losing weight because as you build muscle, it will continue to burn calories far longer than through just cardio. Cardio will burn fat, don't get me wrong, but it's only for a short time. Weights are where it's at. And weights are what I like.
Since I am paying her to discuss food/eating and not exercise, I chose to ignore that advice and not even comment on it. I didn't want to start something and I strongly prefer to avoid confrontation. It was a "choose your battle" moment, and I chose to not engage. I know that's not her area of expertise, so I'm just going to leave it alone.
In other news, I'm excited and sad that our Biggest Loser program is ending. It seems like it just got started. We are down to 5 participants, and they are all students. I have no doubts that I will probably finish dead last, but when you put a 43 year old up against 20-somethings, that's bound to happen. I don't care about winning, because the experience and knowledge were worth it. I have very much enjoyed working with my trainer and I have learned a few things from him that I will start incorporating. If nothing else, it got me back to being comfortable in the weight room again. Can't beat that!
I will NOT miss the 7:30 p.m. meetings. Oh my goodness, my Mondays have been sooooooooooo long during this. I leave my house around 7:10 a.m. and do not get home until 9-9:30 p.m. That part has sucked. I am not complaining because it was a sacrifice I have been willing to make. I wish the meeting time could have been earlier.
What do you do for exercise? Are you incorporating weight lifting into your routine or are you just relying on cardio? If you aren't lifting weights, why not? And are you lifting HEAVY weights? I'm not talking the little 3 lb Barbie dumbbells...I mean heavy. Did you know that women are physically incapable of bulking up like men? Our bodies do not produce enough testosterone to do so. Those lady bodybuilders that have the big muscles are taking some kind of supplement or something to make their muscles do that. Plus they train and eat specifically for that.
The disappointing part of my week was my meeting with Dietitian Jennifer on Wednesday. Overall she is very pleased with my food log and suggested a few changes. One of them was to think about food before I consume it and ask myself, "Is this taking me closer to my goals or further from my goals?" Good idea, now I just have to remember to actually do it and then LISTEN to the answer and not ignore it. I discovered a few tweaks that I could make to help me slowly make my way toward even healthier eating. My ultimate goal is to get rid of as much processed food as possible. I'm not sure if I want to or can COMPLETELY eliminate it, but if I keep moving in the direction I'm going, it is a strong possibility. I'm a work in progress, as we all are.
The disappointment came when we began to talk about exercise. Tomorrow night is my last Biggest Loser meeting and this is my last week with my trainer. Jennifer expressed concern about me continuing to exercise, which is logical since she doesn't know me that well and she doesn't know all of my history. I assured her that I would continue with exercising as I've been doing it pretty regularly for about 4 years. Exercise is not my problem --- it's the diet part where I fall down. As I told her, I am the poster child to demonstrate that old adage, "You can't out-exercise a bad diet." You cannot. It will not work, no matter how hard you try. Well, now that my diet is much improved, I still can't seem to lose, but that's beside the point.
I was taken aback when she advised me to continue to lift weights, but to really work on the cardio because that's where I would get the biggest fat burn. I was speechless because that way of thinking is so outdated and just plain WRONG! Weight lifting is essential to losing weight because as you build muscle, it will continue to burn calories far longer than through just cardio. Cardio will burn fat, don't get me wrong, but it's only for a short time. Weights are where it's at. And weights are what I like.
Since I am paying her to discuss food/eating and not exercise, I chose to ignore that advice and not even comment on it. I didn't want to start something and I strongly prefer to avoid confrontation. It was a "choose your battle" moment, and I chose to not engage. I know that's not her area of expertise, so I'm just going to leave it alone.
In other news, I'm excited and sad that our Biggest Loser program is ending. It seems like it just got started. We are down to 5 participants, and they are all students. I have no doubts that I will probably finish dead last, but when you put a 43 year old up against 20-somethings, that's bound to happen. I don't care about winning, because the experience and knowledge were worth it. I have very much enjoyed working with my trainer and I have learned a few things from him that I will start incorporating. If nothing else, it got me back to being comfortable in the weight room again. Can't beat that!
I will NOT miss the 7:30 p.m. meetings. Oh my goodness, my Mondays have been sooooooooooo long during this. I leave my house around 7:10 a.m. and do not get home until 9-9:30 p.m. That part has sucked. I am not complaining because it was a sacrifice I have been willing to make. I wish the meeting time could have been earlier.
What do you do for exercise? Are you incorporating weight lifting into your routine or are you just relying on cardio? If you aren't lifting weights, why not? And are you lifting HEAVY weights? I'm not talking the little 3 lb Barbie dumbbells...I mean heavy. Did you know that women are physically incapable of bulking up like men? Our bodies do not produce enough testosterone to do so. Those lady bodybuilders that have the big muscles are taking some kind of supplement or something to make their muscles do that. Plus they train and eat specifically for that.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Frustration
I have stayed off the scales all week, as Jennifer suggested. I've also worked hard to stay in the 1500-1600 calorie range she suggested. I've done really well with both goals, so I wasn't sure what the scale would show today. I've been working out hard, burning lots of calories, following the training plan that my trainer left me while he was gone for Spring Break. I've done everything right, followed all the rules, and worked really hard. I am proud of my efforts.
So what did the scale show me this morning?
A gain of 3.5 lbs.
Seriously?!?!?!?
I really don't get this and I don't know what is going on. I KNOW I didn't consume 12,000+ calories and it's not a gain of fat. But why does this keep happening? I want to weep with frustration, but that won't accomplish anything. I don't want to cut my calories further because I don't think that will help and I'm able to be comfortable without being hungry at this level.
So the plan is to keep doing what I'm doing. Work harder when I can, get rest, and keep making good food choices. I will not give up, even though the frustration is overwhelming at times. This has been happening for 2 1/2 months now. I don't know how long it will take my body to get the message, but it has to sink in sometime. I didn't think I was a slow learner, but apparently I am!
Have you ever thought of throwing in the towel? What stopped you? If you did, what got you going again? And if you aren't going again yet, are you ready?
So what did the scale show me this morning?
A gain of 3.5 lbs.
Seriously?!?!?!?
I really don't get this and I don't know what is going on. I KNOW I didn't consume 12,000+ calories and it's not a gain of fat. But why does this keep happening? I want to weep with frustration, but that won't accomplish anything. I don't want to cut my calories further because I don't think that will help and I'm able to be comfortable without being hungry at this level.
So the plan is to keep doing what I'm doing. Work harder when I can, get rest, and keep making good food choices. I will not give up, even though the frustration is overwhelming at times. This has been happening for 2 1/2 months now. I don't know how long it will take my body to get the message, but it has to sink in sometime. I didn't think I was a slow learner, but apparently I am!
Have you ever thought of throwing in the towel? What stopped you? If you did, what got you going again? And if you aren't going again yet, are you ready?
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Emotional Week
This week was full of ups and downs. It started with the scales inexplicably climbing up, up, up until I had gained almost 4 lbs. There was NO logical reason for this. I was exercising, drinking my water, staying in my calorie range, and eating healthy food. So why the gain? No clue, but it was maddening, disheartening, depressing, and made me incredibly sad. Especially when people who weren't even trying to lose weight reported to me that they had lost weight. Seriously?!?!
I decided that apparently the only way for me to possibly lose weight was to have bariatric surgery. I went to the Memorial Medical Center's website and signed up. Well, it's not really that easy...first you have to sign up for pre-screening. I got denied. I don't weigh enough to qualify for surgery, and I have no co-existing conditions (diabetes/pre-diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) that qualify me. So that was kind of a kick in the teeth, too!
On Wednesday, I met with Jennifer, mypsychotherapist dietitian. It was a very emotional meeting, and we talked for an hour. She has no explanation for the gain either (I was up 3 lbs on her scale from last week's weight). I am doing everything that I should be doing. Mathematically speaking, I should be losing. Reality, however, seems to have other ideas. After talking with her my goals for the week were to stay off the scales. They are causing more problems than anything and ruining my day. I will only weigh on Saturday, my regular day, and on Wednesday with Jennifer. I also adjusted my calories down just a smidge to 1500-1600, no more than 1600 and no less than 1500. And then I am going to keep doing what I'm doing.
Another thing we talked about was my worry about going to dinner on Saturday night with some family and friends. We were going to eat at my mother-in-law's house, and I knew we'd be ordering pizza. I didn't want that meal to undo everything, but I also wanted to not be all "special" and not be able to eat what everyone else was eating. This is going to come up in life from time to time and I need to deal with it. We decided that I would take a large chef salad with me and I would enjoy 1 slice of pizza. I did exactly that and it was fine. I did also "splurge" and have 1/2 cheese breadstick as well, but I was still under my 1600 calories for the day! My MIL surprised me when she brought out some cookies, but I managed to stay out of those. Now had we eaten at the restaurant, I would have gotten a big salad bar and had 1 slice. It would still work!
So I had to wait for Saturday to weigh in and see how I was doing. I was worried, but I managed to get back down to where I was last Saturday. I didn't exactly lose if we're going from Saturday to Saturday, but from Tuesday to Saturday, I lost almost 4 lbs. I'm good with that.
Tomorrow starts spring break at work and for me in my classes. This year I have no assignments hanging over my head that are due next week. My next assignments aren't due until the week after break, so I can enjoy myself. My Biggest Loser trainer sent me a really nice email with some workouts for this week, and he complimented my work ethic and said I was working super-hard and he's really happy with that. That was nice to read!
Today was finally a nice day so Duke and I went for a 2 mile walk. He loved it since he hasn't had a big walk like that for a long time. Tomorrow and Tuesday are supposed to be in the high 50s or low 60s, but then they are calling for some blasted snow again! GRRR! I've had enough snow and cold. I'm ready for spring, just like everyone else in this part of the country.
Do you have a scale addiction? Were you able to break it? Do you let the number on the scale ruin your day?
I decided that apparently the only way for me to possibly lose weight was to have bariatric surgery. I went to the Memorial Medical Center's website and signed up. Well, it's not really that easy...first you have to sign up for pre-screening. I got denied. I don't weigh enough to qualify for surgery, and I have no co-existing conditions (diabetes/pre-diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) that qualify me. So that was kind of a kick in the teeth, too!
On Wednesday, I met with Jennifer, my
Another thing we talked about was my worry about going to dinner on Saturday night with some family and friends. We were going to eat at my mother-in-law's house, and I knew we'd be ordering pizza. I didn't want that meal to undo everything, but I also wanted to not be all "special" and not be able to eat what everyone else was eating. This is going to come up in life from time to time and I need to deal with it. We decided that I would take a large chef salad with me and I would enjoy 1 slice of pizza. I did exactly that and it was fine. I did also "splurge" and have 1/2 cheese breadstick as well, but I was still under my 1600 calories for the day! My MIL surprised me when she brought out some cookies, but I managed to stay out of those. Now had we eaten at the restaurant, I would have gotten a big salad bar and had 1 slice. It would still work!
So I had to wait for Saturday to weigh in and see how I was doing. I was worried, but I managed to get back down to where I was last Saturday. I didn't exactly lose if we're going from Saturday to Saturday, but from Tuesday to Saturday, I lost almost 4 lbs. I'm good with that.
Tomorrow starts spring break at work and for me in my classes. This year I have no assignments hanging over my head that are due next week. My next assignments aren't due until the week after break, so I can enjoy myself. My Biggest Loser trainer sent me a really nice email with some workouts for this week, and he complimented my work ethic and said I was working super-hard and he's really happy with that. That was nice to read!
Today was finally a nice day so Duke and I went for a 2 mile walk. He loved it since he hasn't had a big walk like that for a long time. Tomorrow and Tuesday are supposed to be in the high 50s or low 60s, but then they are calling for some blasted snow again! GRRR! I've had enough snow and cold. I'm ready for spring, just like everyone else in this part of the country.
Do you have a scale addiction? Were you able to break it? Do you let the number on the scale ruin your day?
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Learning more about myself...
I think my HyVee dietitian, Jennifer, is more of a psychologist/counselor than anything. We don't just talk about what to eat/what not to eat, but we also discuss attitudes/beliefs/feelings toward food. One of the things I learned this week is that I have to work on my beliefs toward fast food/restaurant food.
It started with a simple comment about me worrying about a meal that Mike and I had at Arby's. It wasn't the worst food I could have chosen, but it certainly wasn't the most healthy. We started talking about how I felt about eating out and through a series of thought-provoking questions, I discovered I tend to elevate restaurant eating in my mind.
Growing up as one of 4 children, we didn't spend a lot of time at restaurants. Plus that just wasn't how it was done back then. To get to go to McDonald's was something very special. As a result, I still tend to think of these visits as very special and I want to get the most food out of the visit as possible. Plus I like a good "value."
She reassured me that my way of thinking is not bad, it just is how I think. I need to work on re-directing those thoughts and changing my views so that restaurants are just other places to get food and it doesn't have to be a gorge-fest. I have an assignment to complete for that in order to help her help me start to make that shift.
I'm very pleased with the money I've invested in these visits. It is NOT what I expected at all. If you live near Macomb, IL, and you want/need help with eating, I would strongly recommend that you invest in yourself and visit Jennifer. The program I am doing is $60 for 10 visits. The first visit is free, so you actually get 11 visits. At first, I wondered what on earth we were going to talk about for so many visits and now I wonder if it will be enough! She is very nice and easy to talk to, she does not make you feel judged for what you eat/how much you eat/what you don't eat. You are who you are and your life experiences have shaped you into that person. It is what it is, and she completely embraces that. Yet she will help you work on changing your thought processes so that you can live a better, HEALTHIER life.
Overall she is quite pleased with what I've been eating. I was quite proud of myself this past Tuesday for taking my own lunch to a lunch-time meeting where pizza was provided for us. I did not even want to go to the meeting but it was a very important one, so I put on my Big Girl Pants and went with the food I had prepared at home. There were about a dozen men there and one other woman. No one blinked an eye, said a word, or even tried to tempt me with pizza. Yes, I still felt pretty self-conscious, but I know I was making the best decision for ME and what the other people thought didn't matter. And I lived to tell the tale.
Monday night's Biggest Loser meeting was a counselor from the campus counseling center who talked to us about emotional eating. I am starting to become aware of when I am feeling stressed and want to eat everything. I have a few coping mechanisms in place, which involve texting or calling a few friends who I can count on to talk me down. The girl who is our nutrition coach for the contest has even agreed to be one of those people for me. I can also remove myself from the situation, such as when standing in the Walmart checkout line, faced that wall of convenient candy bars that are screaming my name. If there's no rush, I can exit the checkout and walk around the store, particularly in the ladies clothing area, and look at the stuff that I'd like to be able to wear.
It was somewhat of an interesting talk. Most of the other 4 girls really didn't have much to contribute, so it almost felt like I was having a very public counseling session with the woman about my disordered eating habits. She tried her best to engage the other girls, but for whatever reason, they were very reluctant to open up. Of course, I'm much older than they are with more life experience, and I don't give a fig what they think of me. They are within their peer group, so they may have been more self-conscious. Regardless, I am trying to get as much as I possibly can out of this experience. If I have to share embarrassing stories, so be it. I will very likely never encounter these girls again. And if I do, so what? It's nothing I wouldn't and haven't shared here! LOL
And now...the weekly weigh in! According to the scales, I lost 2.5 lbs this week. Yay! It's about time I see that scale moving in that direction. Hopefully it will continue.
Does anyone else have a problem with fast food/restaurant food? Do you feel like you have to get as much food for your dollar as you can, or am I the only one?
It started with a simple comment about me worrying about a meal that Mike and I had at Arby's. It wasn't the worst food I could have chosen, but it certainly wasn't the most healthy. We started talking about how I felt about eating out and through a series of thought-provoking questions, I discovered I tend to elevate restaurant eating in my mind.
Growing up as one of 4 children, we didn't spend a lot of time at restaurants. Plus that just wasn't how it was done back then. To get to go to McDonald's was something very special. As a result, I still tend to think of these visits as very special and I want to get the most food out of the visit as possible. Plus I like a good "value."
She reassured me that my way of thinking is not bad, it just is how I think. I need to work on re-directing those thoughts and changing my views so that restaurants are just other places to get food and it doesn't have to be a gorge-fest. I have an assignment to complete for that in order to help her help me start to make that shift.
I'm very pleased with the money I've invested in these visits. It is NOT what I expected at all. If you live near Macomb, IL, and you want/need help with eating, I would strongly recommend that you invest in yourself and visit Jennifer. The program I am doing is $60 for 10 visits. The first visit is free, so you actually get 11 visits. At first, I wondered what on earth we were going to talk about for so many visits and now I wonder if it will be enough! She is very nice and easy to talk to, she does not make you feel judged for what you eat/how much you eat/what you don't eat. You are who you are and your life experiences have shaped you into that person. It is what it is, and she completely embraces that. Yet she will help you work on changing your thought processes so that you can live a better, HEALTHIER life.
Overall she is quite pleased with what I've been eating. I was quite proud of myself this past Tuesday for taking my own lunch to a lunch-time meeting where pizza was provided for us. I did not even want to go to the meeting but it was a very important one, so I put on my Big Girl Pants and went with the food I had prepared at home. There were about a dozen men there and one other woman. No one blinked an eye, said a word, or even tried to tempt me with pizza. Yes, I still felt pretty self-conscious, but I know I was making the best decision for ME and what the other people thought didn't matter. And I lived to tell the tale.
Monday night's Biggest Loser meeting was a counselor from the campus counseling center who talked to us about emotional eating. I am starting to become aware of when I am feeling stressed and want to eat everything. I have a few coping mechanisms in place, which involve texting or calling a few friends who I can count on to talk me down. The girl who is our nutrition coach for the contest has even agreed to be one of those people for me. I can also remove myself from the situation, such as when standing in the Walmart checkout line, faced that wall of convenient candy bars that are screaming my name. If there's no rush, I can exit the checkout and walk around the store, particularly in the ladies clothing area, and look at the stuff that I'd like to be able to wear.
It was somewhat of an interesting talk. Most of the other 4 girls really didn't have much to contribute, so it almost felt like I was having a very public counseling session with the woman about my disordered eating habits. She tried her best to engage the other girls, but for whatever reason, they were very reluctant to open up. Of course, I'm much older than they are with more life experience, and I don't give a fig what they think of me. They are within their peer group, so they may have been more self-conscious. Regardless, I am trying to get as much as I possibly can out of this experience. If I have to share embarrassing stories, so be it. I will very likely never encounter these girls again. And if I do, so what? It's nothing I wouldn't and haven't shared here! LOL
And now...the weekly weigh in! According to the scales, I lost 2.5 lbs this week. Yay! It's about time I see that scale moving in that direction. Hopefully it will continue.
Does anyone else have a problem with fast food/restaurant food? Do you feel like you have to get as much food for your dollar as you can, or am I the only one?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)