Surgery Scheduled (and what I've been doing...)

I've been maintaining radio (blog) silence for a while and that was kind of on purpose for me.  I didn't want to jinx anything I had going on because everything seemed to be so precarious and nothing was set until today at around 1:30 p.m.  I've been so nervous and stressed about this that I just didn't want to put it out there in the blogosphere in case it all went south and I looked dumb.  Now that things worked out, I can discuss with a big sigh of relief.

First, my thyroid levels went haywire in December.  They won't do surgery if your thyroid levels are wonky because there is a risk your heart can stop during surgery.  I strongly prefer my heart not stop during surgery, or any other time, so I had to get that fixed or I couldn't pass go.  The problem with this is that thyroid meds take about 6 weeks to work and get the levels to where the levels are going to be.  I couldn't get into my endocrinologist until the end of January, so I was on a tight deadline. 

I saw her and she adjusted my meds.  The last possible day I could have my labs done and still have surgery on March 16 (my original target date) was March 2.  The earliest date I could get my thyroid labs tested after she adjusted my meds was February 24.  If they were still haywire then, all bets were off and I was done for surgery until summer.  I thought that was my only hurdle, but I thought wrong.

While I waited anxiously for February 24 to come, the Bariatric Center called and said that the labs I had done for them in June had expired and I needed to redo them.  No big deal, really.  So I went to the hospital and had my blood drawn for those and thought I was set.  Noooooooo, said Karma/the Universe/Satan/Evil!  The nurse called me a couple days later to let me know that my white blood count was elevated, which is indicative of an infection - was I sick?  No, I felt fine.  Ugh...what does this mean?  No surgery for you, sister!  So they decided to redo the CBC (test that gets the white blood count) in early March. 

Meanwhile, at work, my supervisor tendered her resignation and I was offered her position.  Suddenly, I found myself being named Assistant Director!  What?  How did this happen?  I never, ever imagined having a job like this in my life.  I did not picture myself as a departmental leader or an administrator.  I was/am scared to death, but really excited to give this a try.  It's really hard and stressful, but I am enjoying learning the new stuff.  Sometimes it can be extremely frustrating to find answers to the questions I have because they don't exist in black and white.  Sometimes regulations are open for interpretation, which is a bit frightening.  Am I making the right interpretation?  But I am doing the best that I can.  And that's all I can do. 

February 24 finally got here and I could get my thyroid levels checked.  This was the first hurdle to jump.  Would I make it or would I be stuck in the gate???  I MADE IT!  My levels were ok and I passed the first test!  Now on to conquer the CBC!  But wait...more drama awaits in the shape of a terrible, terrible head cold!  YAYNESS!

Yes, just a week before I was supposed to have my second CBC I came down with an awful head cold.  When your body is fighting a viral infection, your white cells will multiply to go do what they do, which is fight the invaders.  Not an ideal time to have a CBC.  BOO, HISSSSSSSS!   So I called the Bariatric Center to ask them what to do.  The nurse heard how stuffy I was and was like, "YES!  You need to put this off!"  And that's what we did.  I had it done again March 6, due to a slight misunderstanding, and my counts were still high.  I had to have it done again at the pre-op hospital visit today and that determined if I could have surgery. 

Meanwhile, I still had to start the two week liquid diet, just in case I could have surgery.  I've been living life for the past few weeks in a state of "just in case I do have surgery" but "just in case I don't have surgery" limbo.  It has kind of sucked, to be honest.  I couldn't shout from the rooftops that I was scheduled, and I couldn't move forward and decide that we're doing it at a different time.  I didn't know what would happen.  And, like I said at the beginning of all this, I didn't want to jinx any of this.  Yeah, I'm a little superstitious/OCD/downright crazy that way. 

I met with Dr. Warner's nurse, Laurie, around noon today and she told me that my CBC showed my white count was declining.  I cried, right then and there, from relief.  She still wasn't completely sure what Dr. Warner would do, but she thought it would proceed as scheduled.  After signing paperwork and doing all the pre-op stuff I had to do there, I waited anxiously to finally meet Dr. Warner and find out her verdict. 

She entered the room around 1:30p and began speaking to me about surgery.  I finally interrupted her and asked - are we really doing this?  My labs are ok?  And she said yes.  There were more tears and then I had to explain to Dr. Warner that I'm a big crybaby, but I think she was a little freaked out.  Oh well, I hope it's not the last time I surprise her.  ;)

For right now my goal weight is 170 lbs.  I have a goal weight lower than that in mind, but I want to see what I feel like when I get there.  I can go down to 130 lbs, but I don't know if that's really do-able for my age.  We shall see.  First, I'm going to worry about getting through tonight.  Next, I'll worry about tomorrow.  And so on, and so on. 

I do have big plans for my future and I'm excited to get to them.  I'm almost done with my master's degree, so that will be an exciting thing, too.  Once that is done, I'm going to take some time to concentrate on ME.  During that time I'm hoping to accomplish some pretty amazing things. 

I've had people tell me about people who die during this surgery and try to discourage me due to an experience in their life.  I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not going to change my mind.  I'm sorry that that person died.  I don't know his/her story, but I know mine.  I also know I could have died during my knee surgery or during my gall bladder surgery.  I could have died driving to/from Springfield today.  I could die driving to/from work tomorrow.  I'm not going to stop, though.  I am very, very well-versed on the risks associated with the surgery.  I have researched it so much that I can give a very detailed explanation of what happens during surgery.  I know the medical terms and I know what they mean.  I worked in that world and I understand it. 

I also know the benefits.  I know this is a TOOL.  It's not magic and it won't solve my problems.  It won't make my life easy and it won't make my life perfect.  I won't wake up a size 2 and I won't look like <insert name of beautiful woman>.  I'll be me with some different anatomy.  I'll have work to do.  I'll have to watch what I eat and exercise and follow a careful regimen for the rest of my life.  The tool will give me a jump-start where regular diet and exercise have failed.  And if I use it correctly, it will be a great jump-start! 

I'm ready.  As I told my family, the old Angie that used food for comfort is not coming out of that operating room on Monday.  A new, improved Angie will be coming out in her place.  She's going to be freaking awesome!

So many, many things going on!

Last Saturday I was astounded to get on the scale and see that I'd gained 5 lbs.  Yes, FIVE pounds.  I have no idea where it came from, but it was very disheartening to see.  On Wednesday morning, I just did a quick check to see where I was and I was up 2.5 more lbs. 

I decided I needed help in figuring this out and getting a plan together, so I called the Memorial Weight Loss and Wellness Center.  I spoke to them for almost an hour and got a lot of my questions answered.  I have an appointment for my Global Health Assessment tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. in Springfield.  I will meet with a doctor, a physical therapist, nutritionist, and counselor, among others.  It is a 4-hour appointment, so this will be exhausting, I'm sure.  After their assessments, they will meet and decide the best course of treatment for me.  I am not interested in their physical therapy as I am already taking care of that.  If I like their plan and feel it will benefit me, I will go to Springfield once a month to meet with the doctor and do whatever I need to do. If I think it's a waste of time, I can just walk away.  I feel like I have to at least try.

On Friday I met with my endocrinologist to talk about my inability to lose weight and these sudden gains I'm experiencing.  Mathematically, they make no sense and shouldn't be happening.  According to my Fitbit report I get weekly, I am in a deficit between what I'm eating and what I'm burning. Therefore, I should be losing!  But I'm NOT!

We talked for 40 minutes about a lot of different things.  She went over my labs from the past 2 years and we discussed the results in detail.  I feel like I have a better grasp of this disease now.  She did agree to increase my medication so I do hope it will help.  She also wants to see me every 3 months and keep a closer eye on my levels. So I'll be getting lab work done every 3 months as well.  She wanted to change my meds, but right now I want to get this weight loss thing going, so I prefer to stay on what I'm on for now.  Once I get that sorted out, I am not opposed to trying a different medication.  I just worry about changing too much at once. 

So yesterday I weighed in and was happy to see I'd lost 1.5 lbs.  I wish I was more, considering this was of the 5 lb surprise gain, but I'm happy with a loss.  Nick and I also went to Macomb to do the Inaugural Purple and Gold Rocky 5K Run/Walk.  We had a great time and we weren't last. We were close, though.  Even if we were, I told Nick it didn't matter because Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which is greater than Did Not Start.  We won because we were out there doing it and not sitting on our butts.  For a $15 registration fee we got a really nice Under Armour moisture wicking race shirt.  I was surprised that it was so nice considered the inexpensive fee.  I've paid more for races and got cheap cotton shirts that shrank 3 sizes in the first wash.  So BONUS!

I dread having to get up at 5a tomorrow to make it to Springfield in time for this appointment, but I'm also anxious to hear what their suggestions might be.  I will not do something weird, such as drinking meal replacement shakes, or buy boxed foods, or go on a super-restrictive diet.  I refuse.  I want to do something that I can do for LIFE.  I will not drink a shake for life, I'm not going to eat pre-packaged food all the time for the rest of my life, and I'm not going to restrict myself from eating any food groups.  If it works for you, that's great because that is YOUR life, not mine.  That's not how I want to live.  I'm not asking anyone to follow exactly what I do, either.  What I do won't necessarily work in your life.  Stepping off that soapbox...

I also met with Dietitian Jennifer for my next-to-last meeting last week!  It's been a very good experience working with her, even if my weight hasn't moved in the right direction.  I still feel that I've learned a lot and have become very aware of some of my attitudes and feelings toward food.  We had some discussion and then she took me on another tour of the store.  I had already seen most of what she showed me, but it was good to get a refresher because I had forgotten about some of the products.

This time she told me about chia seeds and gave me a sample to take home and try.  Some feel that chia seeds aid in weight loss because they will swell up to 10 times their size in water.  The theory is that if you ingest them, they will do that in your stomach, making you feel fuller faster and for a longer period of time.  I'm not sure I buy into that, but they are also a great source of Omega-3s, so I figure it can't hurt.

She also encouraged me to try Activia yogurt and suggested adding some Kashi Go Lean cereal.  So I got all of that and added the chia seeds to the yogurt, along with the granola stuff.  It was very, very tasty.  However, if you have never had Activia and the granola, you should be aware that Activia is an ancient Indian word for "cleans colon."  Kashi is a Japanese word for "with pain."  So when you mix the two...it's not exactly a delightful walk in the park.  At least that was MY experience.  I would use caution when trying these foods and be sure you are near a restroom in which you feel comfortable being for a slightly extended period of time.  And that's all I'm going to say about THAT. 

In other news, only a couple of weeks left in this semester and I'm so glad.  Once it is over, I will have the rest of May and all of June to devote to ME, ME, ME!  My online class starts July 1 and ends July 25, so it will be an intense time and I will not have much ME time.  In the Fall, I'm taking 2 Weekend Academy classes, which will be a new experience.  Each class only meets 3 weekends.  One of them is on Fridays from 5p - 10p and Saturday from 8a - 6p.  The other one meets Sat/Sun from 8a - 5p.  Of course they are all on different weekends.  This will start in September and I will be done in early November.  I'm not sure what my time for me will be like, but I think I will still have time to workout through the week. 

How are things in your life?  What is your weight loss/get healthy plan like?  What are the things you absolutely refuse to do in order to lose weight (drink daily shake, take pills, etc)?  Any upcoming 5Ks in the area you are doing? 

Heading in the right direction

Ok, since we last talked I celebrated a birthday, so I'm a little older but not any wiser.  I hope that part kicks in soon because I could use some wisdom.  Last week I gained 2.25 lbs.  I didn't work out as much and I wasn't as careful with my eating, so I wasn't surprised.  However I got my act back together and I have lost 3 lbs this week. 

One of the things that really helped me was to call my endocrinologist and schedule an appointment to see the actual doctor.  I've been working with the nurse practitioner, and while I feel NPs play an important role in health care, there are just some times when it's better to talk to the doctor.  This is one.  I also requested they fax my last set of labs to me so I can see the numbers for myself.  The NP had told me they were all fine in early March.  Well, one of the levels was actually low and could be causing this weight to not come off.  I see my endocrinologist on April 25. 

In preparation for the appointment, I asked Dietitian Jennifer to write a letter to her that explains what we've been doing.  She agreed and gave me the letter at my appointment on Wednesday.  It basically outlines the changes we have implemented and points out that I've lost 1 lb since late January.  That's not very impressive for the work I've put into this.  It's absolutely maddening, to be honest!  I hope the endocrinologist is open to listening and will help me figure out what's wrong with my body.  The previous endo that I was seeing at that office has retired, so I've not met this lady yet. 

I also cashed in my certificate for a training program that I won in the Biggest Loser contest.  On Tuesday, I spoke with the trainer creating it at length about my goals, how often I wanted to work out, etc.  He is working on it and will let me know when it's ready.  Hopefully this week. 

We're coming into the final weeks of this semester and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.  I have lots of homework waiting for me, as usual.  I can't wait for Spring 2014 semester to end so I can enjoy a few weeks of vacation.  July 1 I'll start again with a 4-week summer class.  It will be stressful, but I'll be ready!

Hope everyone in this area is able to get out and enjoy the weather!  It's 75 degrees out right now which is a lovely change after the horribly cold winter we just came out of.  I think I'm going to take my textbook outside and sit and read. 

How has your week been going?  Successes?  Failures?  If you've hit a bump, let it just be a bump and do not let it derail you.  Think of your progress and the good you are doing for your body.  The number on the scale isn't where I want it to be, but working out and eating right are more important for my overall health.  It is for yours, too!