Monday, February 3, 2014

An Answer to My Questions -- Already!

Late last night I was struck with inspiration to post my post of questions.  They were all good, valid questions and ones that I need to be asking myself on this journey. 

This morning, I emailed a friend to show her how I'm progressing on my journey, and felt rather proud, thinking I was really showing some personal growth by asking myself these questions.  She, in turn, emailed me back with some questions of her own for me:

What if you start living the life you want to live rather than just dreaming about it?
 
What if you start liking the fact that you are eating healthy and the way it makes you feel?
 
What if you start believing in yourself as much as those around you do?
 
What if you start today?

Uh, what?  T-t-t-today?  But...but...but...I have the questions...to think about...for a while... I don't have on the right pants.  My hair is all wrong.  I need new shoes.  My socks are too tight.  My underwear feel funny.  When I move my elbow like this, it hurts.  It's supposed to snow.  The sun is too bright.  It's too cold.  There are too many people at the gym and they get on my nerves with all their exercising!  It's not the 1st of the month.  It's not the RIGHT Monday.  The moon is not in the right phase.  My cat might get a hairball.  My dog "killed" his chew toy and we're all very upset. 

Oh, wait.  Those all sound like excuses, don't they?  And dumb ones at that. 

So I had a quick review of why I CAN start today:
 - I had already eaten a healthy breakfast.
 - I had already prepared and brought with me a healthy lunch.
 - I had already stocked my desk/office with healthy snacks, in case I got hungry.
 - I had already packed my gym bag, it was in my car, and I was planning to workout after work.
 - I just had to email my husband and inform him that I would have a healthy dinner, and he and the boys could have what I have or they could forage for themselves.

Hey... I CAN START TODAY!

And so I did.  Day One is now done.  I'll be ready for Day Two tomorrow.  And I'll just keep taking this week one day at a time. 

What if YOU start today, if you haven't already?  And I mean really, really start and try super hard.  Are you in?  Let's see what we can do!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Questions, questions, questions

Dear Angie:

I have some questions for you and I want you to really, really think about them. 

What if you gave this journey your all? 
What if you worked as hard at all aspects of it as you do in the gym? 
What if you put a ton of effort into planning your meals and snacks? 
What if you started to learn to cook other foods? 
What if you tried something new? 
What if you didn't like it? 
What if you did?
What if you stopped wasting time on Facebook and Reddit? 
What if you missed a post or two or even more? 
Would the world continue to spin? 
Would your life be worse? 
Could it be better?

What if you really tried as hard as you could?
What if you failed?
What if you succeeded?
How would you feel if you were more healthy?
What could go wrong?
What could go right?
What if it was as awesome as you imagine and you've been missing it all this time?
What if a healthy lifestyle was the best thing that ever happened to you?
What if you could look in a mirror and be proud of what you see instead of ashamed?
What if you could walk into a room and not immediately check to see if you are the biggest?
What if you actually looked like you spent time in the gym?
What if you could be a runner?
What if you could wear the cute clothes on the "regular" side of the store?
What if you could wow your high school friends with some incredible results?
What if you made your family proud of you?
What if you inspired them to make a change?
What if you started to enjoy going out instead of hiding at home?
What if you made this work and it changed your life for the better?
What if you made all of your hopes and dreams come true?

What are you waiting for?

Love,
me

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Dietitian Review and Weigh In

I was happy to step on the scales this morning and record a loss of 1 lb.  This is really great in light of the fact that I have not set foot in the gym at all this week.  On Monday, the University was closed due to ridiculous cold.  Tuesday I was sick and had a doctor's appointment.  Wednesday, I had my appointment with the dietitian.  Thursday I was still sick (sinus infection...the pressure makes my head feel like it's going to explode), and Friday I was sent home by my office girls because it was snowing and was supposed to get bad.  But I still managed to drop a pound!  YAY!

On Tuesday, as I said, I had an appointment with my doctor to make sure I was clear to participate in the Biggest Loser program.  He gave me two thumbs up, without question.  My blood pressure was excellent and he said my heart and lungs sounded fantastic.  My only issue was the stupid sinus infection, which I've kind of been fighting off and on since January 1.  I've been on an antibiotic since Tuesday and I'm STILL waiting for it to kick in. 

Wednesday I finally got to meet with the HyVee dietitian, Jennifer.  I felt like I was talking to a friend.  We spent about 20 minutes talking about what I've tried in the past, what I'm currently doing, and what I want to do.  She took me around the store for about 30+ minutes and showed me some different products and gave me ideas on how to combine them for meals.  I thought she would be pushing veggies, veggies, veggies, but she really didn't.  She showed me some frozen meals, which really surprised me because I've always been told to stay away from the frozen meals because of the sodium content.  When I questioned that, she said the particular ones she showed me met the acceptable levels for sodium.  I wish I could remember which brand, but I don't.  If I see them, I'll know them!  When I got home, I thought that I should have taken my phone with me and taken pics of all the foods.  That would have been helpful!  Hindsight...

So my assignment for this week is to keep a food journal in writing.  I will turn it in to her next Wednesday (unless we have the massive snow that they are predicting...) and we'll go over what I ate.  She will comment on what can be improved and what is going well.  And from there, we'll make small changes each week or two weeks until I'm heading down the right path.  I like that.  I did not want someone to hand me a list of foods and say, "Here.  Eat this stuff, and don't eat anything else and you're cured."  No, that does not work.  I've been through that before. 

Since this is the 1st of February, I should review some of my stats for January.  I created a spreadsheet to track weight and miles (bike, elliptical, walking).  According to said spreadsheet, I have gained 2 lbs since January 1**.  That is not very impressive.  I have walked/biked/ellipticaled 92.82 miles.  I was really hoping to hit 100, but I'm not going to stress it.  It would have easily happened had I been able to get to the gym this week. 

Goals for February:
  • Lose 5 lbs
  • Run/Walk/Elliptical 100 miles
  • Kick butt in the Biggest Loser program
  • Start working on getting rid of Diet Mt Dew
  • Try ONE new recipe or ONE new veggie
What are your goals for this month?  Writing down your goals has been shown to be an effective step in helping to reach them!  Feel free to share your goals in the comments, on Facebook, or just write them down in a special notebook.  We can do anything we put our minds to. 

**Edited:  I just checked my stats again.  I did NOT gain 2 lbs in January.  I stayed the same.  My weight at the beginning of the month was the same as my weight this morning.  Oops!  I like that a little better...but not much. 

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Weekly weigh in and exciting things to come!

So the scale stayed the same as last week.  At face value, that's rather disappointing, but digging a little deeper...it's actually a good thing (in my best Martha Stewart voice).  Last weekend I spent some time self-sabotaging and the weight went up, up, up.  I was actually up 3 MORE pounds by mid-week, so to be back where I started is ok with me.

I've been trying to surround myself with positive, motivational stuff.  Whether it's a great Facebook page, an inspirational blog, or the reddit pages my little brother has shared with me (thanks Andy!).  Many of them talk about "hard work," of course.  I always felt I was working hard and doing what I can because I will work my butt off in the gym, and then some.  The other night as I was driving home, I was thinking about "hard work" and what it meant.  I came to the rather difficult realization that I'm NOT working hard...at least in a well-rounded way.

I give my all at the gym.  Whether I'm lifting or doing cardio, I'm working up a sweat and giving 110%.  If time were not a factor, I could easily spend a couple of hours working up a sweat at the gym.  Ok, I've got the exercise part of the equation down.  There is no doubt about that.  Once I get this knee fixed again, I hope to crank that stuff back up again.  But we'll see.

We all know the other part of the weight loss equation, and that is nutrition/food/eating.  And here is where I have consistently fallen down for years.  If you do not believe that weight loss is 70-80% nutrition and 20-30% exercise, message me and I can fill you in.  I am the poster child for proving that is true.  I. Am. A. Food. Addict.  I'm not a binge eater, but I am addicted to food and there are certain ones that I just cannot resist.

Which leads to the thoughts I was having as I was driving home.  Weight loss/lifestyle change/whatever you wish to label this journey...takes hard work.  I'm only doing half of that work, so I'm NOT doing hard work.  I'm doing half-way work.  Medium work.  Mediocre work. 

What?!?!?!

What about all the sweat and tears I've given in the gym?  What about all the pain I've put my body through with my workouts?  What about the injuries?  What about all the TIME I've invested at the gym? 

I'm not saying that was not worth it, nor was it meaningless.  My blood pressure is great and I have no real health problems.  I'm way more healthy than I appear on the surface.  So it was all worth it and will continue to be worth it.

But I'm not giving the full effort in the kitchen that I've been giving in the gym.  Those two side of the equation have to balance or success will NOT be the answer.  And by success, I mean weight loss.  The food part of this journey has got to change.  To do that, I'm going to have to step outside of my comfort zone and try some new foods, new spices, new methods of cooking, etc.  I've had this thought in the past, but I've managed to quash it down and ignore it.  It's time to bring that thought out to the open, take a good hard look at it, poke it, prod it, and figure out how to implement it.  There is no other way.  I've tried them all, so I know! 

First step in this direction is to meet with Jennifer, the dietitian at the Macomb Hy-Vee store.  I have an appointment with on Wednesday after work.  I'm hoping she can give me some guidance, suggestions, and ideas on how to get my plan started.  I know, from my friend's experience with her, that she will take me around the store and give me suggestions on things to do with various foods and how to bring them together to create something good. 

I need that because I do not know how to combine foods.  I'm ignorant when it comes to spices other than salt and pepper.  But I've been AFRAID to try anything for fear of failing.  I've let that fear paralyze me and keep me in this blasted rut for years!  I'M TIRED OF THIS RUT AND I WANT OUT!

Another step in that direction will be research.  Great recipes and food ideas are not going to fall from the heavens and land in my lap.  Although I love Food Network, they do not have a show (yet) called, "Hey Angie!  Let Us Cook You Some Delicious Food So You Don't Have To Think About It!"  (This idea is MY property and if you steal it and pitch it to Food Network and make a trazillion dollars I will hunt you down and cut holes in your socks and I will also think bad thoughts about you.)  So instead of wasting time waiting for Facebook to update, or playing Candy Crush, or any of the other timewasting methods I employ on weekends, I need to spend time scouring the internet, cookbooks, blogs, etc for food ideas.  Pinterest is a wonderful place to "store" things you've found on the internet.  I should put it to better use than for storing pictures of funny cats and witty quotes.  Huh.  Novel idea there, eh?

Ok, so I'm working on the food thing.  And that's also a good thing (see 1st paragraph regarding how that should sound).

Yet another step I'm taking to move this journey along is I took a risk and applied for a spot in the Biggest Loser Competition that the Campus Rec Center is hosting.  They only pick 10 applicants to work with.  Well, there were only 5 applicants (so far) and I'm in.  I'm sad that more people didn't apply because it's a great opportunity.  There will be a weekly meeting and I'll get to work with a personal trainer (student) at least once a week for an hour workout.  I'm always up for learning new things, so this excites me.  I hope we get some more applicants so we have a bigger group for the weekly support meetings.  But if not, I'm going to take these people down and leave them in my dust (except for my friend, KW, who I made convinced to sign up with me).  I want to WIN, dang it! 

Change is hard, though, so I'm not trying to make myself do this overnight.  My inclination is to do just that, but I know it will just make me mad/frustrated/irritated/upset and I'll withdraw and quit.  Been there, done that!  So I'm just trying to be more mindful of what I'm eating - and how much - for now.  We've all heard it said:  food is fuel.  If I choose the foods that make my body happy, my body will do amazing things for me.  I've never given it that opportunity because I've never been able to give up the junk.  I'm not saying I will never, ever, ever, ever eat "junk" food again, but I am saying it's presence on my food logs needs to be greatly reduced. 

I can do this.  I've gone through harder changes in my life.  And it will only be hard for a little while.  Once we get used to new habits, they start to seem easy.  I've just got to get to that point without quitting as I have before!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Weigh in and set back

I was up 3 lbs this morning.  It's really upsetting to see a gain, knowing I've worked so hard this week.  I went to the gym 4 nights and burned at least 500 calories or more with every workout.  I've eaten pretty decent and I've logged every single bite that went into my mouth.  I have resisted a stupid bowl of caramel Kisses that sits less than 2 feet from my desk every single day.  Yesterday I ate the lunch I had prepared at home instead of ordering out with the girls at work.  And my body repays me by showing there's 3 more pounds of me to love and adore?  Ughhhhh...I could do without that kind of humor, body.

So my first reaction to this is anger.  And as an emotional eater, I want to soothe my feelings with food.  ALL. THE. FOOD.  So I let the feeling stew for a bit and explored it and poked at it.  I feel angry because my body seems to be betraying me.  I don't understand why my body does this, but this is not the first time I've had this happen. 

I'm also angry because I know some may see/read/hear this and think, "Well obviously she must have been pigging out and lying about it."  I have been guilty of this type of behavior and then feigning surprise when I gained, but this is not one of those times.  But people will think what they want and we'll all go on with our lives. 

Now that the anger has subsided and I'm not in danger of eating all the food (you're welcome), I've got to come up with a plan to figure this out and to help me.  I'm tired of having this experience!  Right now my plan is to continue to do what I've been doing.  I'm going to eat as healthy as I am able, workout as much as I am able, and track everything with MyFitnessPal (as I have been).  I think it's also time to consult a dietitian and see what light she can shed on the situation. 

As soon as I publish this, I'm going to email Jennifer, my local HyVee dietitian and see when we can start meeting.  She has a deal where I can meet with her for 10 sessions for $60.  I've spent a lot of money on stupid weight loss gimmicks over the years, so maybe it's time to stop paying for magic solutions that do nothing and spend a little on something that will actually help.  Now there's a novel concept!

How do you deal with an unexpected gain?  Do you let it derail you completely or do you fight back?  I'm planning to fight back and I sincerely hope that my next weigh in report is a great one!

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Weigh in and Week In Review

I am pleased that I've lost another pound as of today.  I would be lying if I said that I'm thrilled with it, because I was naturally hoping for more, but it's better than a gain.  So I now have 5 lbs to go this month to hit the goal I set for myself.  I will need to pick up the pace if that's going to happen!

This week was kind of crazy because we got hit with a bunch of snow and freezing cold temps.  It was -15 below, but with the windchill it was "feeling like" -40+ below in areas.  On Monday, the University was closed, so I got another day off.  My youngest son was supposed to go back to school, but they closed, too.  On Tuesday, his school closed for the 2nd day, but WIU opened at noon.  That was a weird day.  It worked out just fine because I had new international students to check in.  I kept reassuring them that it wasn't always this cold in Illinois!  I hope they believe me. 

I went to the Rec Center every night this week (except Monday - they were closed) and did at least 2 miles on the elliptical and at least 6 miles on the recumbent bike.  Both of those hurt my knee, but if I walk a lap or two around the track afterward, it gets better.  On Thursday, I was able to buy my friend her Wellness Pass to the Rec as her graduation gift.  She will get a 6 week membership and I hope she joins up after trying it.  She worked out with me on Thursday and Friday.  It was nice to have someone to meet there because otherwise, I may have talked myself into going home.

We both commented on the fact that both of those machines make our feet go numb after a certain amount of usage.  I thought it was just me, so I just dealt with it (and was annoyed by it), but since she said they did it to her, too, I wondered if anyone else has this problem.  I'll have to Google that and see what's up.  I tend to move my feet on the elliptical or arc machine pedals, so I have to watch that I don't get them smashed to the edges because that can hurt, too. 

It's funny because there are several TVs in front of several of the cardio machines at the Rec and I always get the machine that is in front of the TV that is showing CNN.  I've become quite informed about the Dennis Rodman/North Korea prisoner controversy AND the Chris Christie Bridge Scandal.  The amount of time that CNN devotes to hashing and rehashing these things just floors me. 

One night I also watched (for the first time ever) an episode of "Sister Wives."  ICK.  I'm sorry, but I do not agree with polygamy and I think it is wrong.  But the women in the show seem to make it work in their lives and that's fine.  I respect their choice, but I would prefer to not watch it.  However, the show was like a car accident, where I didn't want to watch it, but yet I couldn't look away.  The one thing I couldn't figure out, is where do these people get their money???  None of them seemed to work and it appears they all have nice homes, nice clothes, etc.  The episode I saw, they were nearing completion of their "family house" in Vegas.  So if they don't work, how are they building this house? At one point, the dad said there were 22 members of his family, so that's going to be a BIG house.  Or apartment complex.  I don't know what it is. 

This weekend the rest of the students are returning to WIU, and classes begin Monday.  I'm taking 2 more graduate classes this semester, so my time is going to get a little more crazy.  I've already had one of the professors, so I think I know what to expect in his class.  The other one will be new, so I don't know what his will be like.  Hopefully I can keep up!

Oh, the other new thing for this week was that I tried juicing!  No, not steroids, but fruit/veggie juicing.  The first concoction I made was called "Mean Green" (you can Google it) and it consisted of 1 cucumber, 2 handfuls of spinach, 1/2 lemon, 2 apples, 4 stalks of celery, and a little bit of ginger root.  OMG, it was icky.  I did not care for it at all.  It was a bit too "green" tasting for me.  I think I could experiment and get rid of the bad taste, but I haven't been so inclined yet.  The other one I've fiddled with was one my youngest brother suggested, and it was delicious!  I used some frozen strawberries and blueberries, 1 apple, 2-3 carrots, some pineapple, an orange, and a lemon.  VERY GOOD! 

So that's been my week.  It's been kind of stressful, so I'm glad it's over.  I'm really happy that my friend is working out, too.  I don't care what people do to get their sweat on, just that they're doing it.  Find something you love, and it's easy to stay committed!

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Weigh in and Crazy Day

Stepped on the scale today and was pleased to see that I was down 1 lb.  Then I was disappointed, "ONLY 1 LB???"  Well, better than a gain, I guess.  But then I remembered that that was from what I weighed on Wednesday, New Years Day.  So from Wednesday morning to Saturday morning, I lost a pound!  OK!  That's a lot happier!

So yesterday was completely crazy.  Everything was going pretty smooth until 1:15ish.  A lady that works in my department returned from lunch and informed me that my rear driver's side tire was completely flat.  Ugh!  Being the Princess that I am, I called Mike.  The bad thing was that he was mandated for overtime and didn't get home until 12:30 in the afternoon.  He had just gotten in bed and was falling asleep when I called.  He said he would head to Macomb to change it for me around 4p.  I felt horrible, knowing he would be so tired.  I know HOW to change a tire, but I'm not sure where to safely put the jack, and I'm terrified of putting it in the wrong place and the car falling off of it.  I don't even like being around jacked up cars when Mike has done it.  It just makes me incredibly nervous.

So I was telling a friend about this, and she pointed out that I could call the campus police and one of their parking agents could air it up.  Ok, worth a shot.  So I called and one of the guys met me and aired up my tire.  Yay!  I decided to go back down at 4p to make sure it was still holding air.  I texted Mike my plan and he approved. 

At 4p, I got on the elevator in my building to go down and check my tire.  Working at a public university, I see many weird things when the students are present.  Right now, they are still on break, so it's only faculty and staff that are on campus.  When I got on the elevator, I noticed something lying on the floor.  It was a still-wrapped Cornish game hen.  I didn't even know what to think.  I just chuckled and went about my business.  Luckily the tire was holding air, so I called Mike and told him to keep sleeping.  The game hen was still there when I went back to my office.  A few inquiries to those on my floor produced nothing.  We had a bona fide mystery that remains unsolved.  The game hen in question was gone, though, when we left for the day at 4:30.  No one knows where it went!

I drove home, worried about my tire the entire way.  Thankfully I made it just fine and it's still holding air.  Yay!  However, Alex got off work and needed to wash his one and only uniform for work because he was scheduled to work today, too.  The water lines to the washer were frozen.  Ugh!  Mike worked and worked and worked on them but could not get them unfrozen.  So I kind of spot cleaned his clothes and threw them in the dryer.  Luckily it was pretty clean (he works at an auto parts store), so no biggie. 

Then my mom texted me around 9p to see if we had power.  It was super cold last night and windy.  Yes, we had power.  She said no one on their street had any and asked me to call Ameren to report it.  So I did. The lady asked for a callback number, and since I do not have Mom's cell memorized, I gave her my cell.  Turns out Mom lost power because a tree limb fell across the power and cable lines.  The power company got things going for them about 2 hours later around 11p.  No one was hurt in the process and everyone got their electricity back again.  Yay!

I finally went to bed really late, around midnight or so, and read for about an hour.  I was awakened at 7:05 a.m. with an auto-call from Ameren to inform me that my power had been restored.  OMG...how helpful is that??????  Next time, I will write down my mom's cell number so they can call her and tell her that she has power again.  I appreciate their helpfulness, but not at 7a on a Saturday!  I like to be sleeping at that time.  Now 8a would have been more acceptable for me.  If anyone from Ameren is reading this, please make a note.  Some of us like to sleep a little on Saturdays.

Today has been pretty quiet and I'm glad.  Yesterday was nuts enough!